Seeing Red
by wolvesrmyhomeboys
Summary: This is an alternative ending to New Moon AU and slightly OOC, for Bella anyway. It starts when Rosalie calls Edward to tell him what Alice saw. Let me know what you think!
1. Chapter 1: EC, phone home

Seeing Red

This is a New Moon AU and slightly OOC, for Bella anyway. It starts when Rosalie calls Edward to tell him what Alice saw. Rosalie tells Edward that Bella jumped and that Alice went back to Forks to check on her. Edward decides to come back to find out what is going on. Victoria doesn't create a new born army in Seattle… but we'll worry about that later ;)

I bought a Quotionary a few weeks ago and I need to put it to use *smirk* so I'm going to try to start every chapter with a quote.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement was intended.

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_Despair is a greater deceiver than hope._

-Vauvenargues (1715-1747)

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Chapter 1: EC, phone home…

Edward POV

Bella…Bella…Bella…

My mind was a broken record as I sat at the base of a tree on the edge of a rainforest in Brazil. It had been months since I had seen her, but my resistance had been steadily weakening from the moment I turned my back on her in those woods in September. Now, I was hanging on by a thread. All of my reasoning, that had originally seemed so solid, now appeared to have gaping holes of logic missing and I was running out of reasons to stay away. My cell phone rang. I knew who it was without looking at the screen.

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

Rosalie had stolen my phone shortly after we had moved to Forks and made that song her ringtone. I missed my family almost as much as I missed Bella, but I was no good to them this way. I didn't want to speak to them. They would only worry more if they heard me now. My voice was only a ghost of what it used to be. I was only a ghost of who I had been. Without Bella, I was only a shell. I knew they deserved more of me, but it took everything I had to stay away from Bella…I didn't have anymore to give. I sent Rosalie to voicemail for the fifth time in the last hour.

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

It appeared that Rosalie was not going to give in and I could only take so much of the Pussycat Dolls at a time. Knowing Rose, I would lose this battle eventually. Rose was nothing if not strong willed.

"Yes, Rosalie?" I exhaled heavily as I answered the phone.

"Ha! I knew you'd answer eventually…"

I rolled my eyes. One of the only perks of exile was peace from Rosalie's … personality quirks, but it would seem that I would be unable to escape my sister, even in my darkest hour.

"What do you want, Rose?"

Rosalie's triumphant tone quickly turned to hesitation.

"Edward…there is something you should know. The rest of the family thought it might not be a good idea to tell you, but if I were in your place, I would want to know…"

My patience was slipping and I wasn't sure how much more I could take. Hearing Rosalie's voice reminded me of the last time I saw her…why we had had to separate…Bella. Everything turned my mind to Bella. I could not allow this call to continue much longer.

"Rose, I need to –"

"Edward, its Bella"

I froze. Her tone was careful, as if I would break from whatever news she had to share. Maybe she was right.

"Edward?"

"…what about Bella?" I had never been weak until Bella entered my existence. I had summoned the last of my strength to leave her. To make her safe from my world. I couldn't bear the thought that it had all been for nothing.

"Alice had a vision, Edward. Bella jumped off a cliff."

The world stopped. If my heart had been beating, it would have stopped. The broken record in my head altered slightly.

No…Bella…No…Bella

My voice came out as a whisper with my last defense against despair.

"No…she promised…"

"Alice only saw her jump, Edward, not die. Alice went to check on her. She was going to tell you if it was bad news. Since she hasn't contacted you, I'm sure everything is fine, but like I said…if it was me, I'd want to know…"

The loop returned to its original refrain of Bella's name, but now the need to see her was too strong to fight.

"Rose, I have to go."

"Edward, don't freak – "

I hung up. I had no more time to talk and no more patience to listen. I was going back to Forks. If I left now, I could be with Bella in 24 hours or less.

* * *

Bella's POV

"Oh, Bella…"

Alice's eyes had just been glazed over. Now, she was looking at me like I was in the middle of acting out the greatest tragedy she had ever seen.

This was not a good sign.

It had taken a lot of persuasion to convinced Jacob and Alice to sit in the same room. With Victoria still trying to kill me, it made sense for Jacob and Alice to get together and compare notes. It was a testament to their love for me that this meeting was actually happening. As it was they were as far away from each other as they could get, while still being in the same small room. Jacob was sitting on the floor beside the fireplace. Alice was in the armchair that my father normally occupied near the kitchen doorway. Both had their noses wrinkled in disgust, but had been doing their bests to be civil. I was sitting on the couch between them. The conversation had just started and I was following it like a tennis match.

Now this.

"Bella…"

"What is it, Alice?" My heart began to race. Had she seen Victoria? Was this conversation futile because she just saw Victoria kill me anyway? The pain in Alice's face was worse than when she had seen James kill me in her vision last year. The look Alice was giving me now had "bad business" written all over it.

"Bella, I need you to breathe and trust me, okay?" Alice leaned toward me and placed her cool fingertips on my knee.

"What's up?" Jacob asked, moving quickly to my side. I made a concentrated effort to breathe in and out.

"Nothing," Alice looked at Jacob as if seeing him for the first time, "Bella and I need to have some girl talk. Could you leave us for little while?"

"What about – "

"Don't worry about Victoria right this minute. I don't see her anywhere near here at the moment. After I speak to Bella, you and I can finish up, okay?"

Jake looked at me, as if asking permission.

"Um….okay. Just go for a run, Jake. We should be done by the time you get back…?" I turned to look at Alice again for conformation. She nodded. Jacob quickly rose and left through the back door. I watched him run into the forest through the living room window. I had the sneaking suspicion that he was thrilled at the opportunity to breathe some air that wasn't saturated with the smell of vampires.

Once Jake was safely out of sight, I turned back to Alice. She was now kneeling in front of me with her icy hands holding mine.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"Rosalie called Edward. " I flinched at his name, but Alice kept going.

"She told him about me seeing you jump off of the cliff and… Bella, he's coming to check on you."

A painful moan escaped my throat, but before I could decipher whether it was from longing or dread, Alice continued her newsflash.

"Bella, Edward is on his way back to Forks. He'll be here soon. The others are on their way too."

"What…?" My mind was suddenly swimming. I couldn't get my mind around her words. All of the stress of the past few weeks was catching up with me and I was suddenly lost in my own head again. I had broken my promise to him. He could be coming back merely to yell at me for reneging on my side of the bargain. The anger that I had felt when I first saw those guys in Port Angeles with Jess and decided to break my promise was still swimming around within me, but there were too many other emotions in the mix to precisely put a finger on what I was feeling.

"Bella…I think it would be best if you came to my house to see Edward."

"Alice…" My eyes began to overflow with tears, but I wasn't sure if they were tears of joy or pain or some combination of the two.

"Bella, I think you know that Edward will look for you here first. I don't think it wise for that to happen…now that your social circle has expanded."

_Oh God, Jake…_

"That would be bad…"

"I agree…Bella, will you come with me to my house? Now?"

In my haze, I had already made my decision. I would go. Even as a melting pot of emotion, I knew that going to him would be the best option. I already knew he didn't love me… that he didn't want me… what else could he possible do?

"That's my girl...ready?" I hadn't spoken since she had asked me, but of course, Alice knew once I had made the decision.

Random thoughts began to bounce around in my head.

_Thank God I showered...and brushed my teeth…_

I shook my head to stop that ridiculous train of thought. As if Edward would care if my breath stank or not... I didn't even know if I was going to be able to speak in his presence, so my lack of onion breath was kind of irrelevant at this point. Besides, I had always been less than perfect… especially in comparison to him…he had known that from the beginning, so it couldn't possibly surprise him now…

Alice misinterpreted the shake of my head.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll be there with you the whole time."

I trusted Alice. She was my best friend, and knowing she would be by my side gave me the strength of will to stand up. Alice stayed in her crouched position, but looked up at me.

"Let's go before I change my mind."


	2. Chapter 2

As always, Stephenie Meyer owns everything.

Enjoy!

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The question is not, Can they _reason_? Nor, Can they _talk_? But, Can they _suffer_?

-Jeremy Bentham

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Chapter 2: 80s Hair Metal = Chicken Soup for Bella's soul

Jacob POV

I would do anything for Bella Swan.

She _had_ to know that. I mean, I was sitting in the same room as a leech for this girl!

I'm an idiot, but for Bells, I would inhale toxic fumes – which is basically what I was doing until the leech got all _clairvoyant_ on us. We were just trying to decide how best to keep Bella alive, when the vamp's eyes glazed over.

"Oh, Bella…"

She looked worried and my mind leapt to the redhead. Bella must have been thinking the same thing. She didn't respond verbally, but all of the blood drained from her face.

"Bella…"

This time Bella spoke.

"What is it, Alice?" Her voice was lifeless, and I could tell she was on the verge of wrapping her arms around herself.

"Bella, I need you to breathe and trust me, okay?"

The leech leaned into Bella's personal space. That was all I could stand without getting involved. I moved to Bella's side on the couch. Bella began to breathe like she was in labor.

"What's up?"

I guess the leech had forgotten I was there, which I couldn't imagine since apparently I smelled just as bad to her as she did to me.

Next thing I knew, I was being kicked out.

"Nothing, Bella and I need to have some girl talk. Can you leave us for a little while?"

Girl Talk…yeah, right. I have sisters. I know what "girl talk" looks like and this was not about to be it.

"What about – "

I didn't even get to finish the sentence.

"Don't worry about Victoria right this minute. I don't see her anywhere near here at the moment. After I speak to Bella, you and I can finish up, okay?"

Don't worry about her? What was this parasite smoking?

...or should I say _sucking_?

I turned to Bella to make sure she was okay with it. I'd go along with what she wanted, even if leaving her alone with the leech made my flesh crawl. Besides, at least I could get some air free of vampire funk.

"Um….okay. Just go for a run, Jake. We should be done by the time you get back…?"

The blood sucker nodded.

_Well, I'm off like a dirty shirt…_

I left through the back door and ran into the woods to phase. This was as good a time as any to check in with the pack. They knew I was going to try to coordinate with the leech and I needed to update them.

Embry and Paul were on patrol while everyone else went to Harry Clearwater's funeral. Embry noticed me first.

_Jake! Dude, that was fast! We thought you wouldn't be done for at least another half-hour… Is everything okay?_

Rather than answer, I just let my mind run through the last few minutes leading up to my dismissal.

Embry: _Girl talk?? Seems fishy…_

Me: _Yeah, I know, but if it's what Bells wants…_

Paul: _Jake, you left her with the leech??!?! _

Embry: _Ha!…I bet you smell awful!_

He was probably right, but that didn't mean he had to mention it.

Me: _I do…thank for the reminder, Em. I'm gonna run for a few hours and give them some time. I'll check in with you guys later._

Paul: _Make sure you run through the river a couple times before you come back to the rez…wouldn't want to-_

I phased back to my human form before I could hear the rest. I love the guys, but sometimes I just need to live in my head by myself.

Running in my human form was almost as freeing as running in my wolf form. The vamp free air was amazing. Twenty minutes cooped up in a small room with a vampire was enough to make any wolf appreciate nature just that much more. I didn't make a sound. The ground seemed to cushion my footfalls. Animals got out of my way…not like they do for the leeches. The animals in the forest didn't fear us. They knew we were brothers of the wolf and respected our personal space.

After hours of running – and a few dips in the river- I figured it was about time I headed back. The sun was going down and at the very least Charlie should be home from the funeral. They couldn't possibly keep Charlie out of his own house under the pretense of "girl talk"…and if Charlie was in, then so was I.

* * *

As I neared the house, I was not assaulted by the stench of vamp so I got excited.

_Maybe Bella didn't like whatever the parasite had to say and had kicked her out or something…_

It wasn't until I was in the backyard that I realized that though Charlie's scent was strong (hell, I could hear him snoring upstairs) Bella's scent had faded a little too. Dread began to pool in my gut as I approached the back door. To the right of the stoop, I saw a folded piece of paper with my name on it in Bella's hand writing. I picked it up…the contents of the note didn't help my stomach one bit.

Jake-

I am going to spend some time at Alice's.

Edward is coming back and I need to find out what he wants.

I think the rest of the Cullens are coming back too.

You should probably warn the pack.

I'll be fine, Jake. Try not to worry.

-Bella

"Try not to worry"…the girl had lost her mind. I started to shake so hard, I knew I had moments before I phased. I turned on my heel and bolted for the tree line. I made it, but barely had enough time to strip before I wolfed out.

_Jacob, what's going on? _

Sam was phased. Great. I wasn't in the mood for an authority figure.

Me: _Sam, they're coming back, and she's with them…IN THEIR HOUSE!_

Sam: _Jacob, come home_.

Me: _Sam, I gotta go get her first!_

Sam: _Come back now, Jake. You will stay at the rez tonight…if she needs you tomorrow, then you can go to her._

That was an order. I couldn't disobey. I wouldn't even be able to get my paws to move in any direction other than home. The whole "can't disobey an order from the Alpha" thing was getting old.

Me: _Fine._

I phased back to human form before running full tilt through the trees back toward the rez. Bella _always_ needed me. I was going to go find her as soon as the sun rose. Sam was on my front steps, but he could tell that I was fuming, so he let me go into my house without another word. I could hear my dad breathing heavily. He was definitely asleep. I went to my room and closed the door behind me. Dawn couldn't come quickly enough.

* * *

Bella POV

While Alice went upstairs to pack my overnight bag, I left a note for Charlie on the kitchen table and one for Jacob on the back porch. The one for Charlie said I was going to spend the night at Alice's and where to find the leftovers. In the note, I said that Alice was homesick, but wasn't ready to go back to her family. She wanted to spend the night in her old house so that she could feel close to them. I was going with her because she was scared to be in the house by herself. Even if he didn't know that Alice was a vampire and would never be scared in the house by herself, it was a horrible excuse. Luckily, I was convinced that Charlie wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to think too much about it. Knowing Charlie, he would want some alone time after the funeral anyway.

The note for Jacob explained about Edward and the rest of the Cullens coming back. I knew Jake would be back soon and would probably panic when he found out about Edward, but he would need to know so he could warn the other wolves.

I also knew that Edward coming back was a big deal…for everyone, but especially for me. I still wasn't sure how it was going to work out or why it was even happening. He didn't want me, but maybe he still wanted me to be safe. Maybe he realized that it was safer to change me and wanted to be here when it happened. HA! Yeah, right…

Alice drove Carlisle's Mercedes like a demon, but I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice how fast she was going until I looked up and realized that we had made it to her house. It had taken less than 10 minutes.

Alice turned to me just as I was about to get out.

"Bella, I'm going to go get your truck…. I think you may want it later."

I wasn't sure why I would want my truck, but this was Alice I was talking to, so it made no sense to me to argue.

"Sure, sure…I'll just wait here…will that be okay?"

Alice knew that I wasn't asking for permission, but for confirmation that I wouldn't be found here by Victoria, the homicidal red head, while she was gone.

"You'll be fine, Bella. I would never leave you if I didn't know you were going to be safe. The front door is open, so you can wait inside if you want. It won't take me long."

With that, she gave me the trademark Alice smile, bounded out of the car and was gone. I got my bag out of the car and headed for the front door. I didn't get a chance to tell her I still had the keys to my Chevy in my pocket. Then again, she probably knew that too and didn't need them.

The house wasn't as strange as the last time I came here, back when I was trying to have one of my auditory hallucinations. Now that Alice was back, the house was familiar again, but it still unnerved me to go inside so I sat down on the front steps and tried to get my mind to focus.

It wasn't working. I just couldn't come up with a logical motive for Edward to come back. Alice said he was coming to check up on me, but that couldn't be right. Why would he check on someone he didn't want anymore? The hole in my chest began to burn around the edges. He makes no sense. One day he says he loves me, the next he says he doesn't want me anymore. It isn't even like he lied to me in an attempt to seduce me. I mean, I would have let him do anything with me he wanted – hell, I had known he wanted to kill me and basically offered myself up on a platter- but he never took advantage of me, like most hormone-driven young men would have.

Then again, Edward was never remotely close to acting like a horny teenage boy. At that thought, I heard my Chevy coming up the drive.

Alice parked and was at my side with my bag slung over her shoulder and a plastic shopping bag in her hand before I could blink.

"What are you doing out here, Silly?"

"Just thinking…"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Alice looked at me with such concern. I felt bad for making her worry.

"No, its fine…so what's the plan?"

"Well, Carlisle and the others should be here around 1 am. They're flying in from Alaska….Edward should be here shortly after that."

"Right…okay."

"Let's go inside, Bella. I grabbed some food from your house..." She held up the plastic shopping bag.

"I'll make you dinner…We can watch a movie—it'll be fun!" Alice grabbed my hand, pulling me into the house and up the stairs, toward Edward's room. As we reached the door, I tried to protest but she was too quick. The breeze that hit me as she opened the door was saturated with Edward's scent. _I can't do this…_

"Alice…not here…" My voice was barely above a whisper as I felt my stomach knot with longing.

I missed him so badly already and seeing his room…smelling him…it made the aching in my chest escalate to a stabbing sensation that almost brought me to my knees. The emotions that had been swimming in circles in my head began to ricochet off the walls of my mind and bounce around at odd angles.

Alice seemed to understand immediately.

"Bella, it's okay. I just have to grab something... I'm going to put your bag in my room and you can sleep on the couch. Is that okay? The family will be back in the wee hours of the morning so the all of the rooms will be occupied by the time you wake up."

_All _of the rooms…my stomach lurched.

"Yeah…that'll be fine. Thanks, Alice."

Alice was in and out of Edward's room in seconds, returning with a small box in her hands. I wanted to know what was in it, but couldn't bring myself to ask. Edward wasn't my business anymore. She closed the door to Edward's room and we retreated back down the hallway. After Alice tossed my bag beside the door to her room and slipped the box somewhere in the back of her closet, we went back down stairs to the kitchen.

Alice had brought leftover lasagna from my refrigerator and Breyer's Natural Vanilla ice cream from my freezer.

I couldn't help but laugh at her as she tried to heat up the lasagna, plastic Tupperware and all, into the oven at 500 degrees. After I explained why I was laughing, Alice pouted and said I could handle my own dinner. I quickly transferred the lasagna from the oven to the microwave. After that was done, I brought it into the living room and ate while Alice rummaged through the Cullen's enormous DVD collection. The DVDs were organized by genre, then alphabetically and Alice seemed to be drifting to the Romantic Comedy section.

"What about…" Alice mumbled as she perused the wide array of titles.

I definitely was not going to be able to handle a Romantic Comedy. As soon as I had had the thought, Alice turned to look at me.

"Fine, Bella." She said with a pout.

"I'm sorry, but I refuse to watch Hard Candy or Tarantino Gore with you…Can we compromise with Taking Lives…minimal romance with reasonably high level of creepiness?"

I was so relieved that Alice was willing to forgo the lovey-dovey, that I really wouldn't have cared what the compromise was.

Besides, I liked Taking Lives.

"Great!...Now, you may go get your ice cream."

I looked down and realized that I had finished my lasagna in record time. I must have been hungrier than I thought. I retreated to the kitchen, put some ice cream in a bowl and grabbed a spoon. When I returned to the living room, Alice had set up a spot the couch for me with a fluffy pillow and thick blanket. I thanked her and settled in. The couch and blanket was an amazingly comfortable combination. So comfortable, in fact, that I fell asleep during the movie. Sadly, Alice was not content to leave me alone.

"Bella, let's jam!" Alice squealed as she shook me from my slumber.

"What….?" I muttered as I rubbed my eyes.

"Bella, this is our first sleep over and we have to have FUN!"

Alice zipped over to the stereo and popped in a CD.

_We are strong!_

_No one can tell us we're wrong_

_Searching our hearts for so long_

_Both of us knowing_

_Love is a battlefield_

How appropriate.

Alice began to dance around and sing along. Of course, she was graceful as ever, even dancing to Pat Benatar. I giggled.

"Bella, COME ON!"

Alice grabbed my hand and tugged. I flew off the couch and would have probably hit the wall if she hadn't caught me in her deceptively skinny arms.

"Sorry, Bella. I forgot how light you are…" Alice set me down, handing me the TV remote. Grabbing the remote for the sound system, Alice jumped on the couch and began to bounce and wiggle to the music.

"Now join in, woman! I let you sleep through the movie! And I know people do this. I saw it on a movie once…"

Alice is nothing if not infectious. I giggled to myself sleepily as I jumped onto the couch beside her just in time for the chorus.

_We are young_

_Heartache to heartache_

_We stand_

_No promises, no demands_

_Love is a battlefield_

By the time the song was over, I was panting. I didn't mind though, this was the most fun I had had in a long time. I had never been a girlie girl, but Alice brought out the craziest behavior in me. To top it all, I honestly felt as though I had been able to release some of the tumultuous emotions that had been locked within me for the past few months. The release was great, but tiring.

I was just about to sit down on the couch when Alice aimed her "microphone" at me.

"Don't you dare quit on me yet, Swan…just one more, please? You'd be doing me a favor…" Alice had an odd gleam in her eyes, but what was one more?

"Yeah!" Alice squealed as she leveled her microphone/remote at the sound system and pressed a button.

_I want action tonight!_

_Satisfaction all night!_

"Hold on!" Alice streaked into the kitchen and was back seconds later with a glass of water. She handed it to me.

"Hurry! You've gotta have properly moistened vocal chords for 80's hair metal!"

I took a couple swallows after rolling my eyes, and then rejoined Alice on the couch.

_Now I'm not looking for a love that lasts_

_I need a shot and I need it fast_

_If I can't have her, I'll take her and make her!_

_I want action tonight_

_Satisfaction all night_

_You've got the love I need tonight_

Just then, the front door opened. I shrieked and fell on the couch…


	3. Chapter 3: Reunions: the gang's all here

Shout out to Kelly a.k.a the Rock Star, my beta!!

She is amazing when it comes to helping me make sense of the voices in my head…and just about everything else too!!

She will beta for you for $10 per 1000 words...first two chapters are free!! ;p

FYI: I didn't get this quote out of my quotionary, but it seemed appropriate…

Disclaimer: As with all Twilight-related fan fiction, Stephenie Meyer rules the world…the rest of us just grovel humbly at her feet.

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_Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts._

- Oliver Wendell Holmes

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Chapter 3: Reunions...The gang's all here!

Bella POV

I shrieked and fell on the couch…as Emmett came in shaking his massive frame to the music as he spoke along with the song.

"_Hey, sweetheart, slide in here…"_

"Emmett!" After I got over my initial shock, I was overcome with joy. Emmett came to the couch and pulled me into a bear hug. My head was on his shoulder — my feet far from the ground — and as I wriggled around trying to breathe I was able to see the rest of the Cullens enter the house. Jasper was immediately at Alice's side, looking as if she was glass of water and he had been thirsty for days. Esme and Carlisle walked toward Emmett and me. Rosalie came just inside the door and stood by the wall, almost as if she was uncomfortable…but why would she be?

"Ease up, Emmett! Bella's a delicate flower…" Alice giggled.

"Chill out, Squirt! I wouldn't hurt Bella…she's too much fun to have around."

Emmett set me down in front of him gently, a goofy grin dominating his face. I took a deep breath as I scanned the room, marveling at the sight of the majority of the Cullen clan in the same room with me again. Even Rosalie, as standoffish and annoyed as she appeared to be, was a sight for sore eyes.

Esme stepped toward me, with Carlisle at her side.

"Darling Bella, we've missed you so much…"

"Esme!" I hugged her as hard as I could as tears fell from my eyes. Renee was my mom and I loved her, but our relationship had never seemed traditionally mother/daughter. I would never trade the bond I had with Renee, but Esme, in the short time I had known her, had always radiated maternal love and care. I had missed them all so much, but Esme had been the closest thing to a mother that I had ever had. Our relationship felt the way I had imagined a mother/daughter relationship should feel and I had greatly lamented the loss of it. It was nowhere near the pain I felt when I thought of _him_, but it was close. Now that she was back, it felt like a piece of the jigsaw that my heart had become was in its rightful place again.

I released Esme and turned to Carlisle, who wrapped his arm around Esme's waist.

"We have truly missed you, Bella. How have you been?" Carlisle asked.

The concern in his eyes told me that I probably still looked like hell. To keep from shattering, I reminded myself that as bad as I looked now, I had looked much worse a few months ago. I pulled myself together and smiled.

"I'm much better now, Carlisle."

"That's great to hear, Bella." He said as he hugged me briefly with his free arm.

"Hello, Bella." I looked up to find a hesitant Jasper before me, Alice at his side.

"Hello, Jasper."

I would have hugged him, but I wasn't sure if it would help or hurt the situation. It didn't seem that either of us knew how to proceed. Alice came to the rescue.

"Bella, Jasper wanted to say something to you."

Jasper glanced at Alice with a mixture of annoyance and love, and then turned back to me.

"I'm sorry for what happened at your party, Bella."

I had known he was probably still feeling guilty about attempting to murder me on my 18th birthday, but I had never blamed him for it. With all of the emotions that were running around in my head, Jasper might have been thinking some of those negative emotions were directed toward him. I concentrated on feeling calm and happy.

Alice's smile brightened. I knew she saw what I was about to say, but, for once, she let me say it.

"Jasper, I never blamed you, but I accept your apology."

Jasper looked unsure for a moment, but I kept concentrating and his expression evened out. He even smiled a little.

It was getting late now, and with no one else to greet, I turned to where Rosalie had been standing. Even if she hated me, she _had_ come back. The only problem was Rosalie was gone... and so was Emmett. How that enormous vampire had managed to sneak out without my notice was beyond me.

"Rose and Emmett went to hunt. We will all be going, in shifts. We need to be as strong as possible." Carlisle explained.

I turned back to Carlisle, sadness and guilt taking over. Sadness because I realized that Rosalie probably still hated me and guilt because the Cullens needed to be as strong as possible because of me: whether to resist my blood or to protect me from Victoria. Either way it was my fault.

"You know about everything, then?" I asked, as the emotions swirled within me.

They must have been getting out of hand, because I was suddenly hit with a wave of unexplained peace. I looked at Jasper. I had forgotten how handy he was to have around.

"They know most of it, but I can fill in the blanks for them later. Bella, you need to sleep…you don't look so good." Alice said and guided me to the couch. Esme looked as though she wanted to protest, but Alice muttered something too low for me to hear and Esme backed off. I knew it probably hurt her to let me sleep on the living room couch, but the only beds in the house were in each of the couples' rooms and I wouldn't have let them put me in one of those. It just felt wrong. I wasn't going to be able to sleep anywhere, couch or otherwise, so it didn't matter much anyway. Edward was coming and even if my mind was exhausted, my body was on high alert.

If Alice was right —and who am I kidding, she always is— then I looked as bad as I felt. Jasper's wave of peace wasn't doing much. Though I was completely wiped out, the tension in my body didn't seem to be going anywhere.

"Jasper… can you help me? I'm really tired, but…I just can't…" I was at a loss for words, but I was sure that Jasper would understand. He had helped me sleep last year in the hotel, the last time my life was hanging in the balance. I hadn't appreciated it then, but now, Jasper's gift was a godsend.

"Of course, Bella" Jasper reached out and gently placed his cold hand on my shoulder.

Instantly, I began to drift.

* * *

Edward POV

As I approached the outskirts of Forks, it began to feel like my world was going to spin off of its axis. What would I find when I got there? Was Bella in the hospital…the morgue?

I decided to start at Bella's house, then follow her scent until I found her.

My family's home was just a few miles to my left. I wondered if they have returned also. I altered my course slightly so that I would run close enough to my home to hear if anyone was there. Moments later, I heard the most exquisite sound that had ever existed.

Bella's heartbeat — I would know it anywhere — was coming from my house.

She was alive!

My world was righted and I pushed myself to run faster so that I would be at her side all the more quickly. Her heart—_my_ heart— was still thumping, and damnation was circumvented. I would not have to end my existence just yet. It was a good thing that I passed near my home on the way to Bella's.

Her location could only mean that she was with my family, and knew I was coming.

That realization brought with it a wave of guilt. I had left her, and yet, she was waiting for me. She was more than I had ever, or would ever deserve.

Could she have realized that I was lying when I left her in September?

I had gorged myself on the blood of several large animals on the way back to Forks. I was near nausea, blood sloshing in my belly as my pace quickened yet again beyond what I had thought my limits were.

I _needed_ to be with her. I _needed_ to make things right.

I could hear my love's deep breaths as I came up the front steps. She was asleep. I opened the front door and stepped inside silently as it closed behind me, anticipation almost bubbling over within me. One of my favorite things to do was watch her in her sleep. If my heart beat at all, it would have been racing in that moment.

Most of my family was upstairs. I should have heard their thoughts much farther away from the house, but my concentration on Bella's heartbeat had blocked all other information from entering my brain. Rosalie and Emmett were close by, hunting.

For the most part, my family's thoughts were full of joy at my homecoming, Rosalie and Alice being the exceptions. Rosalie was glad I was back, but was racked with guilt at the circumstances of my return. I would have to talk to her later and tell her that she had done the right thing. I would have come back anyway, eventually. Rosalie disregarding my request for solitude wasn't so grave a mistake. She had been right. I would have wanted to know. Especially if Bella was engaging in life threatening behavior, she needed me with her to protect her, even from herself.

Alice kept running the events of the evening through her mind. Apparently, she had done whatever she could to put Bella in the best possible mood… her favorite food, a movie, allowing Bella to vent her frustrations through karaoke. It seemed as if Alice had edited her thoughts, possibly leaving things out, but I would have to thank my sister for carefully attempting to ease my return to Bella's life. Alice could be annoying, but she was the best sister I could have asked for…if I had ever asked.

I had to take Bella away from the house. She would not want to have our reunion with an audience. Even if that audience was my family, Bella was still painfully shy. Besides, I selfishly wanted to have her to myself for a while. I had missed her desperately for the past few months and I couldn't wait to have her scent to myself, undiluted.

She was my heaven and I hadn't realized it until I had thrown myself into hell.

_That's a good idea, Edward. Pick her up gently and she won't wake up until you make it to the meadow. You guys should be fine…we'll have our family meeting when you get back._

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered so as not to wake my beloved. Not that I needed Alice's permission—Bella was mine, no matter how improbable that seemed—but it was nice for the resident psychic to agree with me. I tried to discover the reason for Alice's "family meeting", but either no one in my family wanted me to know, or they didn't know themselves.

No matter. I had more important things to attend to.

I moved swiftly to the couch and could barely contain my elation as I picked Bella up.

_Oh, God…what have I done to her? _She had lost so much weight, and her eyes had bags under them. I did not know what had happened to her while I was gone, but I was positive that whatever she was going through was my fault.

_I will spend the rest of my existence making this up to you, Bella. _I vowed silently as I looked down at her beautiful face. Bella turned her head into my chest and breathed deeply.

"mmmmm, Edward…"

My beautiful Bella still spoke in her sleep…more importantly, she still dreamt of me. I kept the blanket wrapped around her as I carried her so that she wouldn't have to feel the chill of my body or the wind. I could not wait to hear my name on Bella's lips when she was awake. I turned back through the front door and left with the being I cared most for in the world.

_I will never leave you again, darling Bella…never._

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**Author's note: Ok, guys...what's going on?? How do I have over 100 visitors to my story, but only 7 reviews?!?!?! Is it because it sucks so far and you guys would rather say nothing at all than be negative? If that's that case, let me know and I promise I will stop posting it on here.**

**Okay, not really, but could you review anyway? I'm on the verge of developing a complex, lol**

**Oh! I almost forgot. Kelly and I are in the process of creating a playlist for the story. The URL is on my profile. Click on my name at the top of this page and check it out :) **


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, some things you should probably know before reading this chapter…

1) Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

2) This is the longest chapter yet. Sorry about that, but I just had to keep both POVs. It makes more sense that way.

3) The original draft for this chapter was riddled with much more cursing…Thank Kelly for bringing me down a notch, lol

4) I'm not that inventive with foul language, so I have a challenge for you at the end of the chapter. See if you can help me out 

5) This chapter took a lot of blood, sweat, and late night instant message convos. Please recognize that I actually thought this through and am not just trying to punish Edward on a whim.

Edward-lovers, this had to happen…the end of NM never made much sense to me, so this is my effort to make it a little more believable…please stick it out with me. IT WILL GET BETTER!

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_To be weak is the true misery_

_-Thomas Carlyle_

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Chapter 4

Bella POV

I began to drift and I knew the nightmare was coming.

I hadn't seen Jacob in hours and the presence of the rest of the Cullens coupled with Edward's impending arrival would undoubtedly make the nightmare ten times worse.

Jake…I owed him so much. What my weakness had done to him…to Charlie…even Renee had suffered because I couldn't pull myself together after Edward left me. I could not afford to be the "delicate flower" anymore, if only for them. I wasn't super strong, super fast…super anything, but that didn't mean that I had to be _weak_. It wasn't right and if Edward was coming back, then I owed it to them to be as strong as possible.

As I floated away into unconsciousness, I promised myself that if the nightmare came, I wouldn't let it end the same way it always did. I figured this would be good idea for two reasons.

First, Edward was coming and if he could be mad at me for breaking my promise (which he would be, of course…why else would he be coming back?) then I could definitely be mad at him for breaking his, at least in my dreams. How could he have ever thought that it would be as if he never existed? Even if I would never have the guts to tell him how badly he had hurt me in real life, I would at least allow myself to vent to his phantom in my head. If I got it all out, maybe I would be able to think clearly when I had to deal with Edward in the flesh…maybe. On the off chance that it worked, maybe I could stop myself from falling to pieces again and save the ones who cared about me from further heartache at my hand.

Second, I didn't want to wake up screaming in a house full of vampires with super hearing…that would just be embarrassing and Emmett would be sure to rub it in.

...

I don't know how long I slept, but suddenly the delusion began.

My first clue that this nightmare would be worse than normal was the sudden change of the scent in the air. I could smell Edward – I mean, _really_ smell him. The darkness in my mind was flooded with his intoxicating fragrance. I couldn't remember ever having smelled him so vividly in my dreams before, but, I wasn't about to complain. He smelled so _good_. His scent surrounded me and I breathed deeply so that it could fill my lungs. I had missed that smell so much. The edges of the hole in my chest burned with each breath I took, but I didn't care. I would pay for it later, but at that moment, all I wanted was to drown myself in that sweet aroma.

***

Edward POV

It was perfect.

_She _was perfect.

We reached the meadow just minutes before sunrise. Bella had always loved the way my skin had glistened in the sunlight. My Bella…always loving those parts of me which I considered to be the most loathsome.

I lay Bella down on the exact spot where she had sat as I revealed to her the effect of the sun on my skin that first time, last year. She was still asleep. I didn't want to wake her just yet. I still needed to think about how to handle this best.

Rosalie had said that Bella had jumped off of a cliff. Bella had promised me before I left that she would take care of herself, but if her appearance was any indication, then she hadn't kept that promise as well as I had hoped. Could it be true that she had done something so reckless? What else had I missed since I had been away? What could I do to make this better?

The thought of Bella in danger had a strange effect on me. All I wanted in the world at that moment was to kiss her, as if somehow that would make everything better. I was reminded of that idiot, Romeo. My Bella was not dead, and I was not about to kill myself, but I could definitely understand Romeo's perspective. I would have died without her. I nearly had. It was only the knowledge that she existed somewhere in the world that had kept me going all those months. If she had left this world then I would have to, without question. Even knowing that she wouldn't have wanted me to end my life would not have deterred me. Now that I could see for myself that Bella was alive, I knew there would be no limit to what I would do to keep her that way. No limit to what I would do to be with her. My selfishness when it came to Bella surprised even me at times.

I loved her and I could not to let her sleep any longer. I had to touch her again…hear my name on her lips again. Maybe after I explained my behavior last fall, she would forgive me. Then she could tell me what possessed her to jump off of that cliff, and I could make whatever was wrong, right again.

That was my hope as I leaned over my sleeping beauty and gently kissed her forehead.

***

Bella POV

I felt cold lips on my forehead. At that, I knew the full blown hallucination was starting.

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself staring into those familiar golden eyes.

"Edward…" was all I could get passed my lips in my surprise.

I wasn't in the Cullen house anymore. I was in our meadow lying on a blanket and there he was.

"Bella…"

My heart stuttered. I knew in the back of my mind that I was dreaming, but this felt real…too real.

I always thought that if he came back, my world would right itself again and everything would go back to the way things were, but lying on that lawn, looking into his eyes, having felt his lips against me again… it was just... too much.

I waited for the joy to come, but instead I felt a sudden wave of cold anger began to wash over me. Why would he kiss me, when he was only going to leave me a moment later? Why would he bring me here to torture me like this? Or was I really just torturing myself? Is this what crazy feels like?

Well, if it was, then there was strength in crazy and I needed to all the strength I could get to avoid falling apart.

"How could you…" I said almost inaudibly and basically to myself. I could feel my cheeks begin to burn as the rage bubbled to the surface. My emotions were at war. My love for Edward battling with the pain of this situation…this place. My mind had brought me to the one place that it would hurt me the most to have this illusion. What was going on with me? My visions of Edward had always involved him trying to protect me or forgiving me for wanting to kiss Jake. The Edward before me now was killing me with the worst form of kindness and I couldn't take much more.

The Edward of my mind looked at me with confusion and pain in his eyes.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I hurt you." He said as he brushed my cheek with his fingertips.

He was _sorry_….

Suddenly, all of the pain and anger that I had been able to keep at bay for the past six months began to spill out of my mouth. Part of me wasn't even aware of what I was saying—but the shock of his words was enough to stop me from caring. I stood up and backed away from my apparition, hoping that would help me focus.

"Sorry?...You LEFT! All I wanted in the world was to be with you and love you, and you walk me into the woods and tell me you don't WANT me anymore!!" My mumble suddenly became a shriek. I knew I had never deserved him, but he didn't have to twist the knife by apologizing for my inability to measure up to his perfection.

"I did it to protect you, Bella…"

My arms began to flail around wildly, matching the new found energy in my words. Part of me knew that even for a dream, I was acting like a lunatic. But that part was overruled by the rest of me. It felt so _good_ to get it all out…even if it wasn't real.

"Protect me? Are you nuts??!!?! Do you know what I've been dealing with??!? Victoria has been trying to kill me since you left! She's been weaving her way around the borders of Forks trying to find a way to get to me for months!!!"

At first, Edward looked angry. Why would he look like that in my dream? Even that look was frustrating me and I wasn't sure why. Edward appeared to have had his enitre world knocked out from under him.

"Bella, I didn't know…"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! If it wasn't for—"

That's when my dream took an even stranger turn. As if I had conjured him up – which I guess I had - Jacob appeared, racing toward us from the tree line at my left.

"You, bloodsucking bastard!!" Jacob bellowed. Quicker than I could blink, he closed the space between he and Edward, and punched Edward in the jaw. Edward fell to the ground. Jacob shook his hand angrily.

"Jacob…" if I didn't know he had sensitive hearing, I would have thought he hadn't heard me. Jacob didn't take his eyes off of Edward as he towered over him. The battle within me took on a new fury as I tried to decide between going to Edward to make sure he was alright and going to Jake to make sure he didn't phase.

"You're lucky I don't rip you apart! What are you doing here?!? Thought you would come back and finish the job since you didn't kill her the first time around???!!?!"

My dream Edward's face was tormented as he looked up at Jake with glazed eyes, as if seeing straight through Jake into something else entirely.

"Get away from him, dog!" called an irrate female voice.

I turned to see Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett running into the clearing on my right, opposite from the direction Jacob had come. They came to a stop at Edward's side, but Edward was already getting up. Jacob only moved himself enough to position between me and the young Cullens. Everyone but Alice and Edward looked as if they were bracing for a fight.

"Bring it on, Pup…" Emmett said with a grin as he flexed his muscles.

"Its okay… I deserved that." Edward said as he stood, rubbing his jaw.

"Damn, right, you did!" exclaimed Jacob as his body shook. Edward looked at Jake for a moment, his face becoming hard.

"Make no mistake, Wolf, It won't happen again without breaking the treaty and starting a war…Is that what you want?"

This was too much for my system to process. Edward had to have known that Jake was going to punch him. Why would he let Jake hit him? He obviously wasn't for breaking the treaty with the wolves…Why would he say he deserved it? An anguished moan escaped me as I tried to remain upright, fighting to make sense of all of it.

"Bells…?"

I looked up to find Jacob looking at me. He looked as if all the anger had drained from him when he remembered I was there. He was my Jacob now. He began to approaching me slowly. He must have witnessed some of my tirade, because he acted like I might bite him.

"Bells, are you okay?"

_Am I okay… Are you kidding?_ My voice wasn't cooperating to reply, but, by then, Jake had reached me.

"Don't touch her!" Edward roared, as Jake wrapped his arms around me.

"Stop it, Edward! You have no right—" I screamed, but I didn't have enough strength left to finish my thought. Edward looked conflicted as I felt my knees wobble and the flood gates open. Jake's shirt was soaked in seconds. I just couldn't let my illusion treat Jake that way when Jake was the one who had helped me hold together my broken pieces when the real Edward had realized I wasn't enough to hold him. And Jake had gone out of his way to protect me from Victoria. Even if I didn't love Jake like he deserved, I did love him. He was the best friend I had, and I couldn't bear to let Edward hurt him, even in my head. Besides, he didn't want me. Why could he now dictate who could and could not touch me?

"Bella, please…you don't understand…" Edward began to inch toward Jake and me. I could see his outstretched arms, and I wanted to go to him, but the gaping precipice he'd created in my chest when he left began to ache and I turned my face away, into Jacob's warm body. I peeked out when I felt the growl that came from Jake's gut as Edward took another step forward, his face wavering between anger and pain.

He would have reached us in two more steps if Alice hadn't placed her hand on his arm. Edward turned to look at her. His face wasn't in my line of sight at that moment, but it must have been hostile, because Jasper quickly stepped between them.

"Edward," Alice said as she peeked around Jasper to look at him, "please trust me. You need to let them go. Bella will be okay…there are things we need to discuss."

Edward's eyes traveled from me to Jake and to Jasper before finally resting on Alice.

"Fine." Edward snarled.

I took all of this as a clear sign that it was time for me to wake up. This nightmare was getting out of control and I was nearly certain that I would wake up screaming again—even though my direct intention for altering this dream was to change that.

"Jake, get me out of here…" I whispered through my tears. Not because I didn't want anyone else to hear– everyone other than me had supernatural hearing, so that would have been pointless even if this wasn't some nightmare gone awry– I had just run out of energy. The fire inside me was dying and I didn't trust my self at that moment. In my weakness, I could say something I might not be ready for…even in a dream.

Also, knowing Jacob, he would be arguing with himself as to whether ripping Edward limb from limb was worth starting a war. A war between the two groups of people I loved would have broken me completely even if I only imagined it.

Jacob seemed to decide that what I wanted was more important than killing Edward. He scooped me up into his arms and began to back out of the meadow, never taking his eyes off of Edward. I had no idea where we were going, but I looked forward to waking up after this nightmare was over.

The last thing I saw was the sun's rays hit Edward as it peeked over the trees, causing his beautiful face to glint. A tornado of awestruck longing began blowing through my mind and my vision spun out of control.

_Funny, I didn't know you could faint in a dream…_ was my last thought as I closed my eyes and let the darkness take me.

***

Edward POV

Bella looked at me with surprise, though I wasn't sure why. I knew from Alice's thoughts that she had told Bella I was coming so why was my beloved astonished by my presence?

"Edward…"

I was right. My name on her lips while she was awake was even more striking.

"Bella…"

I heard her heart stutter. I was so happy I was on the verge of laughter. To know that I could still make her heart flutter filled me with triumph. Then she blushed, but her expression continued to perplex me.

At her next words, my joy evaporated.

"How could you…" she muttered, tearing her eyes from mine. Bella seemed to be struggling with herself, making some sort of decision. It hurt to know that she was upset with me, but I had expected it. The sooner I explained myself, the sooner we could heal. Words seemed so inadequate, but I had no idea what else I could do.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I hurt you." I said, lightly brushing my fingers against her cheek, as I had dreamed of doing again every day while I was away.

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say, or do. Bella's face became even more reddened as she stood up and took a step away from me before she spoke again.

"Sorry?...YOU LEFT! All I wanted in the world was to be with you and love you and you walk me into the woods and tell me YOU don't want me anymore!!"

She was right. Even if human love wasn't as strong and permanent as that of a vampire, I was wrong, and had been from the beginning. If I had been stronger when we first met, I would have stayed away from her, and she would have never been in danger in the first place. Unfortunately, there was no way to go back and fix my mistakes. I could only try to explain.

"I did it to protect you, Bella…"

My words sounded hollow even to me, but I would never have expected the violent reaction they elicited from Bella. She became close to hysterical, her arms moving erratically around her.

"Protect ME?? Are you NUTS??!!?! Do you know what I'VE been dealing with??!? Victoria has been trying to KILL me since YOU left! She's been weaving her way around the borders of Forks trying to find a way to get to me FOR MONTHS!!!"

The pain of this knowledge hit me like a ton of bricks. I had convinced myself all those months ago that leaving Bella was the only way to protect her only to find out that it was for nothing. I had suspected that whatever she was going through was my fault, but to know that I had been its direct cause and then abandoned her… the knowledge was crushing.

"Bella, I didn't know…" I didn't deserve to look at her, but I couldn't bear to look away. In the back of my mind, I heard a vaguely familiar male voice spewing a stream of obscenities. Unfortunately, I didn't care to decipher it. It wasn't Victoria, so it wasn't as important as Bella, in that moment.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! If it wasn't for—"

Bella was cut off by the appearance of a muscle bound, russet skinned man from the trees to her left.

I only knew it was Jacob Black from of his thoughts. Apparently, he was the male voice in cursing in my head. When he saw me, his thoughts became much more purposeful. He was going to punch me.

I could have stopped him, but I didn't. I deserved to be hit. I deserved worse. I had left Bella unprotected when she had needed me most…one punch could not possibly inflict the damage I deserved, but maybe the pain would help Bella heal a little.

"You, bloodsucking bastard!!" Jacob roared.

As his fist connected with my jaw, I heard the thoughts of Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett. Apparently, they had just sent Esme and Carlisle to hunt when Alice's visions of Bella's future and my future had gone blank. Esme and Carlisle were too far away to call back, so my siblings had come to find me.

In the mean time, Jacob continued to yell at me.

"You're lucky I don't rip you apart! What are you doing here?!? Thought you would come back and finish the job since you didn't kill her the first time around???!!?!"

It wasn't so much his words that cut me to the quick; it was the images in his head. I was inundated with visions of Bella. She appeared to have wasted away. In several of Jacob's recollections, Bella was holding her sides…as if she would fall apart. What had I _done_ to her?

"Jacob…" Bella said, staring at him as he stood over me.

_I will not phase…I will not phase…_ Jacob began to chant in his head. That explained why Jacob wasn't easily recognizable. He had become a werewolf like his grandfather before him. I would have thrown him across the field away from Bella, but she seemed to care a great deal for him. Besides, my siblings were entering the clearing. If he did anything to put Bella in danger, Emmett, Jasper, and I could take care of the animal, treaty be damned.

"Get away from him, dog!" Rosalie yelled as my siblings ran to my side. Emmett was thrilled at the thought of a fight. Rosalie was mad that I might be murdered before she could officially apologize to me. Jasper was mainly concerned with the harm a possible fight might bring to Alice. Alice was…singing a children's song in her head…in mandarin, blocking me from going any further into her thoughts.

"Bring it on, Pup…" Emmett grinned and flexed his muscles. I needed to head him off before he got a little too excited and did something stupid.

"Its okay… I deserved that." I said as I righted myself, rubbing my jaw. This kid was stronger than I had thought.

"Damn, right, you did!" exclaimed Jacob as his body shook. I looked at him, listening to his thoughts to determine his next move.

_Just give me a reason, parasite…that felt good and I wouldn't mind doing it again…_

"Make no mistake, Wolf, it won't happen again without breaking the treaty and starting a war…Is that what you want?" I steeled myself for his response, but Bella derailed his train of thought with a tortured groan. Jacob turned to my beloved.

"Bells?"

_I can't believe she stood up to the life destroyer…_

"Bells, are you okay?"

_She definitely needs me now, though…_

Jacob moved as if to touch my Bella. Even if he had stopped quivering, he still had no excuse to lay a hand on her. I may have devastated her with my asinine decision to leave, but she still belonged to me. She always had, and always would.

"Don't touch her!" I howled, as Jake wrapped his arms around my Bella. I was momentarily paralyzed by her reply.

"Stop it, Edward! You have no right!"

How could she say that _I_ had no right? Pain was rolling off of her in waves. I could hear Jasper's thoughts as he tried to calm her, but it didn't seem to be working. My darling Bella was aching because of me. If I could just clarify my intentions, maybe I could still fix this mess. Maybe she didn't know Jacob was dangerous…

"Bella, please…you don't understand…" I said as I slowly walked toward her. She was still wrapped in the beast's arms and though I had every intention of removing her from that hazardous location, I didn't want Jacob to lose control and phase while she was there.

I reached for Bella, but she turned away from me. The dog growled. I kept coming. Nothing was going to stop me from saving Bella…until Alice grabbed my arm. I turned to her with murder in my heart. I loved her, but couldn't she, of all people, see that this was a possibly deadly situation for Bella?

Jasper must have felt the heat of my emotions toward Alice, because he swiftly slid between us.

"Edward," Alice said as she peered around Jasper's side to look me in the eye, "please trust me. You need to let them go. Bella will be okay…there are things we need to discuss."

Her mind flashed with several images. From the times that Alice had seen Jake and Bella together, she honestly believed he wasn't going to hurt her, as long as I didn't provoke him further. Then she thought of Victoria, who had, it appeared, somehow heard part of the argument between Bella and me. Victoria now knew that my entire family was back and that we knew she was here and after Bella.

_We need to go talk to Carlisle, Edward._

I looked at my Bella. She was so brave, but I could tell she was breaking inside. This reunion hadn't gone at all the way I had hoped. Perhaps after we had taken care of Victoria, I could try again.

I glanced at Jacob. He was on the edge. If I pushed him too far, he would break the treaty and gladly take whatever punishment his Alpha dealt out.

Jasper was still standing between Alice and me. He felt my anger and frustration and thought Alice might still be in danger. I hated the fact that my brother thought I would ever hurt the love of his life.

I did my best to calm myself as I turned my attention back to Alice. She had gone back to blocking her thoughts, this time reciting President Harrison's Inaugural address. The only way I would be able to decipher the rest of her thoughts later was if I let her have her way now. President Harrison's address was the longest in history and after she was done, I had a feeling she would just start translating it into Russian if I kept trying.

"Fine" I said, resigning myself to trusting Alice yet again.

"Jake, get me out of here…" my beloved whispered and my immortal heart was pierced with yet another pinion.

The wolf picked her up and began to back out of the meadow, making sure that I didn't try to stop him. Just before they disappeared into the trees, the sun rose above the tops of the trees and shone in my face.

Even on the opposite side of the meadow, I could hear Bella's heart stutter again. Then Jacob crossed the tree line and she was gone.

I turned back to Alice.

"This had better be good." I muttered, then spun on my heel and began to run back toward the house. The sooner I got to Carlisle, the sooner I could get Bella away from the canine usurper.

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**Author's note: As previously noted, I am not the most creative when it comes to insults. Both Kelly and I agree that when Jacob calls Edward a "Bloodsucking bastard", it isn't strong enough. The problem is that neither of us can come up with anything that would work better. So my challenge to you is to come up with better insult. I will edit the best one into the story : )**

**Don't forget to review, please!**

**Check out my profile for a link to the playlist ; )**

**P.S. That fact about Harrison's inaugural address?**

**It's true….you can google it ;p**


	5. Chapter 5: Icky Vicky's secret

Okay, welcome to Chapter 5 of Seeing Red

Sorry it took so long to write…I guess Chapter 4 just took a lot out of me, lol.

As always, KELLY IS AWESOME! None of this would make sense without her!

Thank you to btvna and blueandblack from for their insult suggestions, which I combined and used in this chapter.

Thank you, Mmac, for "tick"...I howl into the night at your creativity, lol!

To my TWI-soulmates and Kelly's minions, I love you guys like a fat kid loves cake! Thank you soo much for being supportive!

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_If you don't like the question that's asked, answer some other question_

-Howard Baker

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Chapter 5: Icky Vicky's Secret a.k.a. sometimes revelations suck

Alice POV

Edward would not stop trying to pick my brain on the run home, nor would he now as he paced the living room floor. I was able to keep him busy with President Harrison's Inaugural address. Reciting it in English was enough to cover me on the way back to the house, but once we'd arrived and began waiting for Carlisle and Esme to return, I had to start translating it into Russian. I was halfway through when I heard Carlisle and Esme running home. Edward sighed and sat down. I guess he heard them too.

"Will you tell us what's going on now, darling sister? I have to get to Bella before the mongrel kills her." Edward asked impatiently as Carlisle and Esme came through the front door. Edward's sarcasm only increased with his stress level, so his tone was no surprise.

Besides, Edward wasn't going anywhere near Bella for a little while, but he didn't need to know that yet. He'd only panic, and I needed him to focus for the moment.

_First things first, Edward_

I told him in my thoughts before I returned to blocking them from him, this time singing Christmas carols to myself in German…

"Victoria has made her decision. She's going to the Volturi."

"WHAT?!" Edward roared, leaping from his seat on opposite side of the living room to stand in front of me. Jasper, for the second time in the last hour, slid between Edward and me, and sent waves of calm in Edward's direction.

"Sit down, son." Carlisle said, "Alice, do you know why Victoria would do such a thing? What could she gain from this?"

Edward mulled it over for a moment, but eventually returned to his place on the couch. I knew I could trust Carlisle to keep Edward in check. He was the only one Edward would listen to, especially now…which why I had to wait for Carlisle and Esme to return.

Jasper returned to his seat beside me as Edward looked at me expectantly.

"Well?"

"As you _all_ know," I began, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at Edward, "my visions don't reveal the reasons behind the decision, just the repercussions of the decision once it has been made…"

"Alice, please, stop messing around. Tell us what's going on before I lose my mind…please." Edward looked so exasperated…I couldn't help but pity my brother, just a little.

"I think Victoria knows something about my visions. I didn't know she was listening until she decided to go to the Volturi."

"What do you mean 'listening'?"

"I think she caught part of Bella and Edward's reunion. Shortly after the rest of us got to the field, all of the possible futures in which Victoria sought revenge on her own disappeared."

Edward seemed to be boiling inside. I knew Jasper was still doing his best to calm him, though, which is probably the only reason Edward remained seated.

"If she was there, why didn't you tell us, Alice? What if she had tried to attack?"

"I couldn't smell her; she must have been downwind…besides, _if _Victoria was there, she wasn't planning on coming near us. My uncertainty of her presence coupled with her uncanny ability to escape made it seem pointless to mention at the time. Besides, the bigger issue here is that she is going to Volterra. My guess is that she realized that all of us were back _and _realized Jacob was there to protect Bella too. From my talks with him, I know she's been testing the pack's defenses…"

I could tell Edward was about to bombard me with questions about my interactions with the wolves, but Rosalie spoke before he could start.

"We should have seen this coming…" Rosalie muttered in frustration, though her eyes alight with comprehension.

We all turned to her, hoping that whatever she was thinking was wrong.

"Bella knows too much! Edward, you've really done it this time. By getting the Volturi involved, Victoria can get her revenge without doing any of the dirty work herself."

"Oh god…" Edward moaned as the rest of the family silently took in Rosalie's revelation.

I turned to Carlisle. Not only did I need him here to keep Edward from falling apart, but he was also the only one in the family with any valuable experience with the Volturi.

"How bad can this get, Carlisle?" Esme asked. Bella meant the world to her, too, and I knew she didn't want anything to happen to her.

Carlisle began to pace in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up the back wall in the living room, sunlight glinting on his face every so often.

"Well, Aro was always fond of me. Perhaps if I go to Italy, and speak to him before he--"

I interrupted my father before he wasted anymore time on futile plans.

"That won't work, Carlisle."

"Are you sure it would benefit us nothing, Alice? Maybe—" Esme asked.

"I'm positive, Esme... Apparently, Victoria will tell Aro about Edward's abilities…and mine." I replied; deeply sadden by the flickering visions in my head of Edward and me with crimson eyes and black cloaks, looking on as our family is massacred…Bella's drained and broken body on the snowy ground before the five pyres that burned the bodies of our family members.

Edward's gasp brought me back to the present. His face was gobsmacked. Belatedly, I realized that I had let my guard slip, and Edward had seen the vision of us as well. Quickly, I returned to Stille Nachte.

"NEVER! I would _never_ serve him, Alice…" Edward mumbled, running his fingers through his bronze hair as he hung his head in agony, his eyes closed in furious frustration.

Carlisle stopped pacing and allowed his gaze to bounce between Edward and me.

"No…"

"Yes." replied Edward gloomily meeting Carlisle's eyes.

"What is it, Carlisle?" Rosalie asked, impatiently.

"Yeah, how 'bout you guys fill the rest of us in?" said Emmett.

"Aro has an elite guard." Carlisle began, "The members of that guard are selected for their abilities. If Alice is correct, it sounds like Aro may use this situation with Bella as an excuse to add Edward and Alice to their ranks."

"What? As some sort of punishment? Doesn't seem very harsh…" Jasper commented. My dear Jasper's former happiness during his military career as a human was temporarily hindering him from seeing the bigger picture.

"Except that he would have the rest of the family killed, including Bella, so that our loyalties would be less likely to sway." I said quietly, my hand immediately reaching out for Jasper's.

"There has to be a way to stop this," Esme gasped, as she wrung her hands in frustration, "You said Aro was fond of you, Carlisle. How could he hurt your family in this way?"

"My darling, I don't know…But, I'm sure we'll figure something out." Carlisle said as he went to Esme and held her closely to his chest.

"We have time. Victoria is on a plane right now, but my vision of Edward and me in the Volturi guard is fleeting. Too many decisions that directly affect that vision have yet to be made. They probably won't make their move for a few months, if at all…I'll keep my eye on them, of course…should anything change."

I let my eyes wander around the room. There was nothing else for me to add to the family conversation…it was time to have a serious talk with Edward about the situation with Bella.

_Edward, I need to talk to you…alone._

Edward nodded his head slightly.

"I'm going to go hunting with Jasper, we didn't get a chance to go this morning…Edward, would you like to join us?"

"Yes…let's go," Edward said, getting to his feet.

Jasper looked at me questioningly, but did not comment as we stood and followed Edward out of the door.

***

Jacob POV

Bella looked so small and fragile in my arms as I backed out of the meadow, keeping my eyes on the vamps just in case they got any ideas.

It was pretty obvious that Bella needed me. That tick had pushed her too far. I've never heard her that worked up. How could he not know what he was doing to her?

_Ha, know?? He probably didn't care…selfish parasite._

I had to do whatever I could to make this better for her. My mind began to race as I darted through the trees toward Forks, trying to devise the best plan of action for Operation: Keep Bella from Going Completely Crazy Again.

If I knew Bella's leech, he would recover quickly from the emotional havoc that was wreaked this morning and come try to talk to her again. Obviously, Bella wasn't in the best shape. She wouldn't be able to handle him again for a while, but I couldn't really do much to stop him from showing up at her house…

Then again, if Bella wasn't at her house, it wouldn't matter…

That clinched it.

I had to take Bella back to the rez. At least there, I could protect her from _all_ of the leeches—the ones trying to attack her body and the ones laying siege to her heart. I should have thought of this when the first one showed up. Bella would probably be pissed when she woke up, but I could deal with that. As long as she was safe, I wouldn't mind her biting my head off. Charlie wouldn't be up yet, but I would call him in a few hours to let him know Bells wasn't at the Cullen's house (or Bloodsucker Central, as Embry calls it) anymore.

About a mile from the boundary line, I knew I was in trouble. A colossal black wolf was pacing along the divide.

Sam.

When he saw me—and saw Bella in my arms—I knew my fate was sealed. Sam's eyes became slits.

I kept running, hoping Sam would hold off on his homicidal inclinations until I could get Bella into my house, where I could be sure she would be safe.

Sam didn't follow and I thought everything was copasetic until I got home.

Embry was sitting on my front steps.

Now, normally I would be fine with my best friend waiting for me at my house, but Embry's face was devoid of its normal joy. The expression on his face now reminded me of the times I had seen him with Sam before I phased for the first time… all business.

"What's up, Em?" I muttered as I approached the front steps.

"We were all in wolf form waiting for you to get back. When Sam saw you two, he asked me to come over and watch Bella. He wants to talk to you… now." Embry whispered as he stretched out his arms for Bella, who was, thankfully, still asleep. It probably wouldn't help my cause with her if she found out I had wormed my way out of another injunction—Bella would more than likely find some way to blame herself for whatever punishment I got so it would be best if this whole thing was kept under wraps.

"Why didn't he come himself?"

"He's too mad to phase back to human right now." Embry chuckled, but I could tell he was holding back an even bigger chortle.

Well, I wasn't looking forward to an angry Sam, but if I didn't go now, it would only get worse.

"Here, Em…" I murmured as I gently handed Bella over. "If she wakes up, tell her I'll be right back, 'kay?"

"Sure, Jake…" Em replied, cradling Bella carefully. I watched him as he headed into the house, closing my front door behind him.

I stared at the door for a moment, silently praying that Bella would be okay while I was away.

Embry knew Bella pretty well and I knew I could trust him with her… Now, if Sam had sent Paul, we might have had a problem.

_I better not keep El Capitan waiting…_

I ran to the tree line, stripped and phased.

Apparently, Sam had Paul and Jared running the watch, while Embry watched Bella, so it would just be the two of us.

I wasn't sure if that made me feel better or worse.

_Meet me at Emily's…NOW__._

Sam was definitely pissed, and though I really couldn't blame him, I also knew that I had done the right thing. I forced myself not to think about it, though. My best chance for survival was to be able to explain myself before Sam saw that I had hit Bella's leech. So instead of thinking about the craziness that happened that morning, I concentrated on every fantasy I had ever had about Bella.

_Jared: Dude, Come on! There are certain things I just don't want to know about Bella Swan…_

_Paul: Wow, Jake…even your fantasies are lame…_

_Sam: Stop messin' around Jake…Let's go._

I ran in wolf form, laughing to myself at the torture I was inflicting on Paul and Jared, until I was as close as I could get to Emily's while still under the cover of trees, then phased and dressed. It hadn't taken long, but Sam must have been closer because he was waiting for me in front of the house. He had phased back to his human form, so his temper must have slackened a bit.

When Sam saw me emerge from the woods, he didn't speak. He simply turned on his heel and went inside.

_Uh oh…_

I crossed the small lawn, and entered the house.

"Hey, Jacob! What are you doing here?" Emily called as I walked by the kitchen. I stopped mid-stride.

Emily was here… I let out the air in my lungs that I hadn't realized I had been holding. Sam would never murder me in front of Emily. He knew that as surely as I did. Maybe this wouldn't go as badly as I had anticipated…

I hadn't known I was tensing my muscles until they started to relax with this revelation. I walked into the living room, but figured I should stay standing, just in case I was wrong about the severity of Sam's wrath.

Sam was sitting on the very edge of the recliner in the tiny living room. His massive body making the recliner look like it was made for a toddler. Sam's hands were folded, but his shoulders were tense. He didn't look at me when I entered the room, opting to stare out of the window instead.

"Sam…"

"Jake, I've imprinted, but I do remember what it was like to love Leah."

My mouth dropped open like a nutcracker at Christmas as Sam continued.

"I know how you feel about Bella and I'm trying to be as understanding as I can. What happened this morning, Jake? How did you get around my injunction?"

_Well, here goes nothing…_

"Sam, Bella hasn't been right since that tick left her. When I woke up this morning, I had to find her…if he was coming back, then I knew she would need me—"

"How did you find her, Jake?" Sam still hadn't looked me in the eye, but I couldn't hear any fury in his voice so I figured I was still in the clear…so far anyway.

"I ran around in the woods until I smelled her and Cullen, then I followed her scent."

Sam finally turned and looked me in the eye.

"She looked bad when you brought her back, Jake… Worse than when I found her in the woods last year after they left… What happened out there?"

He wasn't going to like it, but Sam was the alpha of our pack and he needed to know everything…especially if the leech changed his mind about my punching him not starting a war.

"Sam…when I got there, Bella was practically hysterical…I was so mad at that soul-sucking parasitic prick for hurting her that way _again_ that I felt like I had to do something…"

I guess Sam knew that I was about to confess to doing something stupid because he stood up and began to pace the floor in front of me.

"Just spit it out, Jake." His voice was still calm, so maybe I would be okay.

"I punched him—"

I was wrong about being okay.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Sam roared as he began to shake violently, "Don't you realize that you could have started a war between us?! You've put the entire tribe in jeopardy for _her_?"

He was right. I had put the entire tribe in danger by punching the sucker (literally), but Sam didn't know the whole story, and he needed to find out the rest before he phased and all hell broke loose.

A serene yet determined voice came from behind me, probably just in time to save my life.

"Sam, calm down."

I hadn't realized that Emily had slipped quietly into the room. I couldn't turn to look at her without taking my eyes off of Sam and _that_ wasn't going to happen.

"Emily, get out of here…" Sam continued to shake and glare at me but his voice had lowered a couple octaves.

"Not until you stop shaking, Sam. I know Jake can heal, but if you rip him apart, that will be a moot point." Emily slowly came into view, walking closer to Sam.

"Please, Emily…I don't want to hurt you again." Sam was still shaking, but his eyes had moved to Emily and filled with sadness.

"No… You need to hear him out. Finish explaining, Jake." Emily closed the space between her and Sam. Maintaining eye contact with Sam, she took his still vibrating hands and moved them to hold her face. Sam stopped convulsing the instant they touched. Because we heard each other's thoughts when we were in wolf form, I knew the only thing saving me right now was Emily. Sam had never forgiven himself for scarring her years ago, and the possibility of hurting her again would stab him like a thousand daggers to the heart.

He kept his eyes on Emily as he spoke to me.

"Go on, Jake…"

"I know I probably shouldn't have hit him—"

"PROBABLY?!?" Sam exclaimed just before Emily regained his attention by placing her hand on his chest.

"Sam, you should have seen what he was doing to Bella. She was a wreck…Anyway, we don't have to worry about war. The bloodsucker said it was okay that I hit him 'cause he deserved it." That last part made Sam tear his eyes from Emily, for a second time, in surprise.

"What was that?"

"He stopped his family from attacking me…said that he deserved to get punched, but that if it happened again it would lead to war."

The look of confusion on Sam's face would have made me laugh hysterically if I wasn't fairly sure that it might make him change his mind about ripping my head off, Emily or no Emily.

"Okay... didn't see that coming… What else happened?"

"Nothing, really…Bloodsucker didn't want me to touch Bella, but like I said, she was a wreck. She asked me to get her out of there. I would have taken her home, but he would have followed her. I really don't think she's ready to deal with him, especially if I'm not there. Bella would be safest here on the rez, so this is where I brought her."

Sam dropped his hands from Emily's face and sighed.

"Thank you. You always know what I need." He said quietly, kissing her scarred cheek. Then, turning abruptly, Sam began to walk out of the room. Emily shot me a smile and sat down on the recliner Sam had just gotten up from.

"Come on, Jake." Sam mumbled as he passed me. He didn't seem pissed anymore so, after mouthing a quick thank you to Emily, I followed. Sam walked out of the house and into the woods. Without a moment's hesitation, he stripped and phased. I followed suit, wondering what was next on the agenda.

_Jake, update the pack on what happened this morning…_

Of course, Sam would want me to go through it all in wolf form so that he could see for himself that I was telling the truth. I didn't blame him, the whole thing was kinda unbelievable to me and I was there.

I allowed my mind to run through the events of the day, which passed in a blur. Waking up and knowing I needed to find Bella, running in the forest until I found Bella's scent mixed with Cullen's, watching her breakdown, punching the leech, bringing Bells back to my house…

None of the pack commented until I was done.

Jared_: You punched Bella's leech? That's AWESOME!_

Sam: _At least you weren't lying to me… _

Paul: _Wow, Black…Wasn't sure you had it in ya__._

I waited for Embry to agree with Jared for a moment before I remembered that he was with Bella. I looked at Sam.

Sam: _Go to her, Jake. You were right, she needs you..._

He didn't have to tell me twice. Before Sam could change his mind, I phased, dressed and ran like a bat outta hell all the way back to my house.

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A/N: K, one last thing. This story has become WAY more than I originally thought it would be and the "Seeing Red" just doesn't seem to fit anymore. If you have any ideas on what the new title should be, leave them in your review or, if you're on [t20s], in the Seeing Red thread in the fan fic section of the boards.

THANKS FOR READING!! PLEASE REVIEW!!


	6. Chapter 6: Big plans in small hands

Chapter 6…YAY!

Many thanks to Kelly…still a rock star, whether she knows it or not, lol!

Minions, I love you guys!! Thanks for reading and continuing to be awesome!

As always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, not me. No copyright infringement was intended.

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_We're never so vulnerable as when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy._  
-- Walter Anderson

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Chapter 6: Mighty big plans for such tiny hands...

Jacob POV

I walked into my house, still surprised that I hadn't been murdered. Sam had been extremely understanding so far and I couldn't help but wonder how long that would last.

I closed the door quietly behind me and walked into the living room. Bella was still knocked out, lying peacefully on my couch. I continued on to the kitchen, where I was sure to find Embry.

As predicted, he was eating the last of my food: a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, two bread and butter pickles and half a bag of jalapeño Doritos…not the most delicious combination by normal standards, but since it was just me and my dad, we usually just ate whatever we could get a hold of…come to think of it, the entire pack was the same way, even Leah.

"Hey, Em…leave any for me?"

"Nob, sourrmf ake" he mumbled with his mouth full. Since I had known him all my life and heard him speak with his mouth full often, I knew what he had said. _Nope, sorry Jake._

I love Embry, but once in a while I would like to have him leave food in the 'fridge after he's come over for a visit. The whole pack ate ravenously, but Embry gives new stock to the phrase "hungry like the wolf"…

"How's Bella? Did she wake up?"

"Nah, I thought she had for a minute there, but she was just talking in her sleep." Embry answered after swallowing. After what Bella had gone through this morning, I should have known that she would have been talking in her sleep…I mean, she did it all the time anyway, but it was always worse when she was upset.

"Oh, really…what did she say?"

"Something about diamonds…" Embry said, shrugging his shoulders as he ate. I wasn't sure what Bella would be dreaming of diamonds for, but I made a mental note to ask her when she woke up.

"Did Charlie call?" I asked as I crossed the small kitchen to sit down at the table beside Embry.

"Nope, should he have?"

I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only 7:45 in the morning.

"Guess not…it's still kinda early."

Charlie was probably getting ready for work right now, and I figured I might as well call him before he left for the station. I picked up the receiver from the phone on the wall and quickly dialed the familiar number.

It rang twice before Charlie answered.

"Chief Swan."

"Hey Charlie, its Jacob."

"Hi Jake, what are you doing up this early? Gonna take your old man fishing?"

"Nope, not today" I answered, chuckling to myself. Charlie constantly had fish on the brain, even the day after a funeral. "I was actually just calling to let you know that Bella's at my house."

"She's at your house? What for? I thought she was spending the night at Alice's since the poor girl was so homesick."

_What had Bella told Charlie?_ I wondered.

"Well, she was, but she asked me to come get her this morning when Alice's family came back." I answered. I didn't feel too guilty about lying to him, because I was sticking as closely to the truth as I could without delving into the supernatural.

"The Cullens came back? ...all of them?"

"Yeah, Charlie…_all_ of them."

"Why didn't she just drive home?" Charlie asked after taking a moment to let the news sink in.

I hadn't realized that Bella's truck was at the vamp's house, but I would figure out how to get it back later.

"She really wasn't in the best shape, Charlie…"

"How bad is it?" Charlie solicited quietly.

I leaned around the doorway and looked at Bella's sleeping form.

"It's pretty bad, Charlie."

"Well, why didn't you bring her home?"

"Bella asked me to bring her here so that you could have some alone time after the funeral…she didn't want to wake you up in the middle of the night with more drama than you already had." Okay, so I had to stray a little further from the truth. It was easier than _Well, Charlie, she passed out after verbally attacking her vampiric ex-boyfriend, who clearly still wants to drink her eternal juices, if you know what I mean. I wanted to make sure she wouldn't have to deal with him again until I can figure out a way to kill him without putting my entire tribe at risk--_

"She's my daughter, Jake, her drama is my drama whether I like it or not… _And_ tomorrow's a school day. Put her on the phone." Charlie replied, interrupting my inner monologue.

"Bella's asleep, Charlie."

"Okay…well, bring her home. Deputy Sims is sick, so I have to head to the station today, but I'll wait for you guys until you get here. You can hang around 'til she wakes up, just in case she needs someone to talk to…" I could hear the awkwardness in Charlie's voice. He loved Bells, but he definitely didn't want to be the one to deal with girlie emotions if he could avoid it. I really couldn't think of a valid argument to keep her at my house, without Charlie getting suspicious, though the thought of taking Bella off the rez made me ill. He knew as well as I did that Bella would probably sleep during the entire ride to her house and then some. Plus, he had agreed to let me stay with her even before I could ask…and that was the next best thing to having Bella at the rez, so how could I complain?

"Um, okay. Just give me about twenty minutes…"

"See you then."

I hung up the phone and turned to Embry, who was finishing the last of the Doritos. He seemed oblivious to my conversation with Charlie, but I knew better. Embry was one of my best friends, but he had a burning desire to know what was going on in everyone's life, mine especially.

"So," said Embry through munches, "taking Bella home, huh?"

"Yeah, looks like I won't be able to keep her as far from the parasites as I had hoped." I rose from the table and headed for the living room, shaking my head at my pack mate's predictability.

"Can you phase and tell the pack while I take her to the car? If Sam has an issue with it then call me at Bella's, 'kay?"

"Sure, sure…" Embry said, pouring the crumbs that remained from the bag to his mouth.

I picked Bella up carefully and carried her to the front door. Embry was already there, holding it open for us. I nodded my head in thanks and continued out to my VW rabbit as Embry let go of the door and sprinted to the woods.

"My sun…" Bella sighed, as she rolled her body slightly into my chest.

She seemed so peaceful in my arms. _I would give anything for Bella to look at me the way Emily looked at Sam_, I thought as I carefully placed her in the passenger seat.

_How in the world was I going to get this girl to see that she was in love with me?...that I could make her happy?_

…

Bella remained unconscious for the entirety of the drive to her house. She wasn't even bothered when I lifted her from the car and carried her to the front door.

Bella's driveway seemed particularly empty without her truck, even though Charlie's cruiser was in its usual spot. I would definitely have to devote some planning to how to get Bella's rusty hunk of metal back from the vamps, but the bigger issue was school the next day. The drama of spring break had temporarily allowed the dilemma of my education to sit on the back burner of my mind. I couldn't afford to miss anymore school without having to repeat my sophomore year, or at the very least go to summer school…ugh. Sam would want all of us out of school this summer so that we could concentrate on protecting the tribe and helping any new wolves get accustomed to pack life and all that came with it.

Even though the issue of my sophomore status come fall was in question, Bella had bigger issues. The bloodsucker had gone to school with Bella before…would he be crazy enough to go back after seeing how his presence affected Bella this morning?

_Of course, he would…selfish parasite, remember? The question to ask is when the leech was planning to make his move…would he go to Forks High tomorrow? If so, what could I do to help Bella without flunking out of Tribal school?_

The lack of sleep I had had the night before combined with the prospect of Bella facing the leech alone at school the next day began to make my head swim. Operation Keep Bella from Going Crazy Again's prospects for success seemed to be going from bad to worse…

***

Edward POV

As Alice, Jasper and I ran into the forest, I tried to drown myself in the thrill of running, but the joy I normally found in the act was missing. Frustration took over shortly after we left the house. I knew Alice had more bad news. She was still blocking her thoughts and the suspense was killing me. I stopped and turned to face her and Jasper as soon as we were out of hearing distance from the house.

"Spill it, Alice. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I need to make this right with Bella – "

I was cut off by the look Alice and Jasper shared.

"Jasper, can you give us a little bit of time to talk?"

Jasper looked from Alice to me, as if trying to discern the level of danger.

"I won't hurt her, Jasper." I was getting annoyed that he still thought I was a danger to Alice, but I was trying to reign myself in. After all, I had been the same way with him and Bella. I had been right, but still…

Alice continued to look at Jasper, squeezing his hand encouragingly.

"Alright, I guess I'll go hunt for a while…" Jasper kissed Alice's hand quickly, just before sprinting deeper into the forest.

Alice turned to me and sighed.

"Come on, Edward. Let's walk."

And walk we did, neither of us saying a word for a mile or two, just letting nature's beauty wash over us. I was the first to break the silence, unable to hold back the questions that had been plaguing me since Alice had appeared in the clearing any longer.

"Did you know what would happen when Bella woke up this morning?"

Alice hesitated, "To a degree, yes… but it had to happen, Edward. Actually, you should be ecstatic. It could have been a lot worse than it was." After the last statement, Alice stopped blocking her thoughts from me just long enough see a glimpse of the vision she had when Bella first agreed to come to the house and meet me. My poor Bella was holding herself around her torso, gently rocking back and forth. Her eyes were slightly red, evident of tears that had recently been shed. She was sitting on the bed in an unfamiliar white room…

"A psych ward? Alice, be serious…" I plead, hoping beyond hope that Alice was trying to pull some sort of sick joke.

"Edward, why and how would I make that up? You were wrong when you made us leave and now Bella needs to heal. I did everything I could think of to help soften the blow, but she was so broken when you left her…you grossly underestimated her love for you, brother."

Another stab to my frozen heart… _would I never cease being the cause of Bella's pain?_

"Did she really jump off of a cliff, Alice?" I asked quietly, realizing that I hadn't even gotten a chance to ask Bella about it this morning.

"Yes, Edward…she did. When I asked her about it, she said it was for recreation, but I'm not sure I completely believe her. In the vision, there was a kind of desperation in her eyes that makes me think there was more to it then Bella wanted to tell me."

I was at a loss.

"How do I fix this, Alice? I love her. I've only ever tried to do what I thought was best for her, but it seems that my every effort backfires, harming Bella more than it helps her."

"I've been attempting to help you, Edward, but you keep trying to get in my head and use what I know to fix things yourself. You can't do that, not this time."

That reminded me of the other question I had wanted to ask Alice.

"When Rosalie called me, she made it seem as though you thought Bella had committed suicide. How did you not know that Jacob would save her?"

"Because I didn't see him save her, Edward."

"Is Jacob somehow immune to your abilities?"

Alice was quiet for a moment as she stared out unseeingly into the trees. I could tell she was trying to decide just how much to tell me.

"They all are…"

_They __**all**__ are…could she mean…oh god._

"You can't _see any_ of the wolves?! But you convinced me that she would be safe with Jacob! How could you possibly know that if you can't see them!? What did you show me this morning?!"

"Edward, I've been watching Jacob with Bella for days now and I showed you what I had seen of them together…He loves her."

Alice spoke of that dog's love for my Bella like it was a good thing, something to make me feel better instead of worse.

"That is supposed to assuage my fears?! All Bella has to do is say one word to offend him and he could end up mauling her! I've got to go get her _–_" I said, turning to run to Bella's house. I was only two steps in Bella's direction when Alice caught my arm.

"No! You can't, Edward! She's not ready yet!"

"She's not dead yet either!" I exclaimed as I attempted to shake Alice off.

"He won't hurt her, Edward. I know it!" Alice moaned.

I turned back to my sister and looked directly in her eyes.

"No, Alice. Apparently, you don't." The annoyance I felt was morphing into cold anger. How could Alice do this to me…to Bella!

"Edward, if you try to talk to her now, you will lose her for good." Her voice was sad, but firm.

I searched Alice's face intently. As she was still blocking her thoughts, her face was the only place I could search for signs of deception.

"What happens?" I questioned, trying not to let my anger through.

"Her future disappears completely, which, I assume, means that Jake becomes a much bigger part of Bella's life than he is now…or she dies. Either way, Bella's out of both of our lives forever. I love her too, Edward. The only way to make this right is to trust me. Let me help…_please_." Alice pleaded, her desperation breaking my resolve.

I could not find any dishonesty in her as she spoke those words. My still heart broke at the thought of continued separation from my beloved.

_If trusting Alice is my only hope, could I when I would, in effect, be laying the rest of my existence – and Bella's – in her tiny hands?_

"Tell me what to do." I sighed.

Alice opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by an unnatural rustling in the trees about a few miles away. The noisy traveler was too far away for me to hear their thoughts clearly, but of two things I was sure: he was male and headed in our direction. Alice stopped blocking her mind for a moment so that she could caution me before the visitor became visible.

_Something furry this way comes…_

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Author's note: So this chapter is a back to the average length of the first three, and future chapters will probably be this size, too. It seems manageable. Let me know what you think and don't forget to check out the playlist!


	7. Chapter 7: Mosquito on a mission

Kelly, you rock…HARD!!!

Jana…that wind chime is for you, lol!

Minions and soulmates, as always I love you with all my twi-heart!

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

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_The only sure basis of an alliance is for each party to be equally afraid of the other._

- Thucydides

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Chapter 7: Mosquito on a mission

Bella POV

The blackness was warm and comforting. I let myself drift in it, until another dream started. I wasn't afraid this time when the darkness fell away and Edward appeared. This dream wasn't going to be as bad as the one before. Even though he was magnificent, this dream _felt_ like a dream. A good dream, too. I was calm and happy, even as I realized that my mind was probably creating this scenario to repair some of the damage it had done earlier, taking the edge off of the searing pain in my chest.

We walked up the driveway to my mother and Phil who stood on the front porch at my old house in Phoenix, which was complete with my favorite wind chime hanging from the awning. The sun was shining brightly, as it always did in Phoenix, but it didn't seem matter. They were so welcoming even though the rays of the sun bounced off of Edward. Edward's face was positively radiant. I had once told him that he dazzled me, but that wasn't completely accurate. He mesmerized me, almost to the point of being dumbstruck. Renee gasped**,** but not in fear.

As Edward shook hands with Phil and made small talk, she pulled me to the side and said "My goodness, Bella. The love between the two of you makes you both glow. Why, you're practically iridescent! It's beautiful!" That was when I looked down at my hand and realized that I was a vampire in my dream.

"Diamonds…" I muttered to myself as I traced my fingertips over my skin in wonder.

My skin was smooth, but glittered brilliantly, as if millions of diamonds covered its surface. I was so happy I wanted to cry, and I finally understood that song from Cinderella.

_A dream is a wish your heart makes,_

_When you're fast asleep…_

This was my greatest wish —my happy place— and since it would probably never happen in my waking life, I decided to revel in it. I did my best to absorb every detail, just in case I was never able to return to this place in my head: Edward's smile, the color of Renee's eyes, the sound of Phil's laughter…It was perfect.

Then, it got even better. Jacob's VW Rabbit pulled into Renee's driveway and out hopped Jacob and Charlie. They were both so happy. Charlie squeezed me, telling me how happy he was that I was happy. Then, Charlie gave Edward a one-armed hug, as he and Renee turned to join the conversation that Edward and Phil were so engaged in. Jacob took Charlie's place in front of me as soon as Charlie had moved, swiftly pulling me into a bear hug.

This Jacob was _my_ Jacob. He didn't even smell bad, like Alice always said he did to her. He had that amazing woodsy smell, which felt like home to me.

The best part was that when he embraced me**,** there were no confusing feelings. He was _just_ my Jacob, and I could tell that he knew that**,** too.

In this dream, I had everything I wanted**:** my family, my best friend, and Edward—forever. It was so unbelievable, that I had to question it.

"You're not mad that I'm with Edward?"

"No, Bells, I love you."

"I love you too, Jake." As I said it, I knew that it was true. "My sun…" I said as I held him close, breathing in his scent.

"I'll always be here for you, Bella." Jake's voice said as my beautiful dream world faded to black.

***

Alice POV

_Something furry this way comes…_

I had the unbelievably strong urge to giggle at the look on Edward's face when I thought that. Yes, our futures had gone blank, but I wasn't scared of the wolves that were coming to visit. They were smelly and definitely _not_ cuddly, but they respected the treaty. I had never met the others, but from my attempts to coordinate our efforts to protect Bella through Jake, I knew that they were closer to allies than enemies. Besides, as protectors, they needed to know about the new development in the Victoria situation. If my vision came to pass, the wolves deserved all of the information available to protect their tribe, even if they were not interested in protecting Bella when the Volturi arrived.

I decided to make a conscious effort to remain positive. I mean, Edward had just agreed to let me help with Bella, so wasn't it possible that another miracle could happen and the wolves would want to help, or, even more miraculously, the Volturi could decide on a course of action that was against their nature and decide to leave my family alone?

"Is it Jacob, or others?" I inquired, letting hope fill me as I began singing Frère Jacques in my head as a round. Each time a new round would start, I would start it in a new language. First French, of course…then English…then Swedish. I just kept going and going, like the Energizer Bunny.

Edward cocked his head, as I started a round in Arabic, a look of vague annoyance replacing the despair that had been on his face a moment before. His eyes remained resolutely on the tree line, but I could tell that he had been hoping I would let him get in my head since he had handed over the reigns.

I wasn't as ditsy as people often supposed, though. Edward was always one step away from trying to take over any given situation, so information on anything that involved Bella was officially on a need-to-know basis.

"Others—two—one of them is the Alpha of the pack —"

"Yes, Jacob told me about him. His name is Sam."

"Yes, that's correct." The tone of Edward's voice made it evident that there would be further discussion on my involvement with the wolves later—see what I mean about the one step away?—"The other is called Embry."

Just then, the newcomers ran past the tree line and were before us, one in the form of a very large grey wolf with black spots and the other in the form of a Native American Goliath, even larger than Jacob, with short-cropped hair and the bearing of command**.**

Both had their noses wrinkled in disgust much like our own**,** but luckily we were outside, so the smell was slightly more bearable.

"Hello, Sam. I'm the one you're looking for…" Edward said, as he nodded to the man before us.

Edward's eyes were sad as he replied to Sam's next thought.

"Yes, I'm the one who did that to her."

"So it's true, then…" Sam mumbled.

"Bella wouldn't have lied to you…" Edward murmured, gloomily.

Sam nodded solemnly and continued.

"I was informed that the treaty may have been broken this morning."

"It wasn't." replied Edward, probably allowing Sam to get it all out so that I was aware of what was being discussed. "I deserved to get hit this morning, but I did warn him that it would not happen again without starting a war."

"We don't wish to fight unnecessary battles. Thank you for your leniency on my pack mate."

Edward turned his gaze to the wolf, Embry, who stood guard beside Sam.

"It's all right, Embry…" Edward sighed, "I can see how you would think so."

"Hi! My name is Alice. I'm the one who Jacob was coordinating with." I said cheerfully as I extended my hand to Sam, feeling the need to change the subject from whatever was making Edward sigh so much. Sam looked at my hand for a moment quizzically before extending his colossal palm.

"Yes…she's the fortune-teller…she doesn't really like crystal balls or tarot cards, though." Edward said with a hint of laughter.

I quickly poked my tongue out at Edward, before turning back to Sam. There was important business to discuss at the moment, and appropriate retribution for Edward's silly comment would have to wait.

"There's something you should know. The redheaded vampire that has been hunting Bella has changed her tactics. She has gone to Italy to enlist the help of the Volturi."

Edward continued, answering what was sure to be Sam's next question.

"It's a very dangerous thing to the entire area, not just Bella. I broke the rules when I told Bella the truth about myself and my family. The Volturi are the keepers of vampiric law. Victoria alerting the Volturi to my actions is one of the worst things she could do. At the very least, they will send a small detachment of their guard to kill Bella and myself—"

"Yeah, but I think it will be worse than that." I interjected.

"Are these vampires like you, or like the redhead?" asked Sam

"Like the redhead…" Edward said, exhaling deeply.

"Then any number of these vampires would be a danger to the community…"

"Yes." Edward replied, solemnly.

"What can we do to best protect our people and the town?" Sam questioned, returning my gaze.

"I don't know. I can't see the future when wolves are involved." I gave Sam a moment as he and Embry processed this information with identically arched eyebrows, before continuing. "I know it would be dangerous for you but I really believe any help you can give us would be a good thing."

"It seems unlikely that the Volturi would attack the town, but we can't promise that they won't." said Edward.

"Okay," Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest, his words seeming to radiate with authority, "we will help where we can, when we are assured our reservation is fully protected. It is obviously our first priority…You will keep us informed of any changes in situation?"

"Of course." I chirped, thrilled with the third miracle of the morning. First, Bella is able to hold it together—kinda—then Edward agrees to take my advice, now this! What was next, a cure for cancer…world peace?

Edward chuckled and glanced at Embry again, "That sounds about right…"

It was nice to see Edward laugh, but I had the sneaking suspicion that it whatever was making him laugh was about me…As soon as I decided to ask him, I had a flash. Once the wolves left, Edward was going to say that he was laughing because the one in wolf form, Embry, thought I was more like a mosquito than a vampire: sure, I drink blood, but I was mainly small and annoying, and not particularly scary.

"Well, if I'm a mosquito, then you're a mangy puppy!" I declared, crossing my arms and giving the wolf my best menacing glare. Edward chortled loudly, while Sam looked downright confused at my outburst. A wolfy grin played on Embry's face after a moment of thought, and I turned to Edward for translation.

"He says, 'Whatever you say, bloodsucker'…and he thinks you're almost as amusing as Bella when you're upset."

Before I could get in another retort, Sam spoke. He probably wanted to get Embry as far away from us as possible, before the war that had been avoided this morning started anyway.

"All right, if you need us, tell Jacob…I'm sure he will be easy to reach." Sam said, signaling the end of the conversation. The mention of Jacob caused Edward's hooting laughter to come to an abrupt end. My poor brother was lost in his thoughts again.

"We will. Thank you." I said, relaxing my stance and trying to make it clear that we really were appreciative of any help they would provide. Sam turned and jogged into the trees, while Embry pawed after him backward, eyes alight with laughter but still taking care to make sure we didn't attack.

I turned to Edward and sighed, "I have to go." That pulled him out of his stupor quickly.

"But we haven't finished talking —"

"Actually, we have for now. You need to go find Jasper and hunt. I'll be back soon**." **

"I took care of that on the way here, Alice—"

"I'm aware of that, but this morning took a lot out of you. Right now, you need to take care of yourself. It will be infinitely harder to make this right if you're cranky**,** and you're less likely to be cranky on a full stomach… You said you would trust me, Edward."

"…Fine." He muttered, as he put his trust in me once again.

I smiled at his back as he turned to go, following Jasper's fading scent. Hopefully Jasper would be able to keep Edward calm until I returned. Luckily, I had made Jasper's job much easier by not telling Edward _why_ I had to go.

I wasted no time getting back to the house. I ran upstairs to my room, grabbed Edward's box from under my bed and the note I had written Bella off of my nightstand, stuffed both into Bella's bag, which was still beside my door, then ran back downstairs to the garage.

Carlisle and Esme were talking quietly in the study, discussing possible plans of action. They mumbled "Hello" as I ran past, but did not move from behind the study's closed door. I wouldn't have been able to speak anyway. I had to return Bella's things before Edward changed his mind. My time was limited.

Rosalie and Emmett were in the garage, working on Emmett's Jeep. I ran past them on my way out of the garage. If I hadn't been so intent on looking into Edward's future for signs of weakness, maybe I would have paid more attention to Emmett's call of "Wow, Squirt, you reek!"

"Yeah, I know." I replied as I continued on my way.

My brother's opinion didn't hurt my feelings. In fact, I agreed with him, but I really didn't have a moment to spare. Besides, he didn't know how lucky he was. At least he hadn't smelled me right after being stuck in the same room with Jacob. I had showered and burned my clothes after Bella had fallen asleep on the couch last night. Since my meeting with Sam and Embry had happened in the open, I figured the ensemble I was wearing wasn't a lost cause…a few washes with extra strength Tide and plenty of Snuggle should do the trick. The humans that shopped at the Goodwill wouldn't be able to pick up the dog smell after I was done with it.

Then again, the dog odor never seemed to bother Bella.

_Hmmm…maybe humans wouldn't notice either way, but better safe than sorry._

I got into Bella's truck, slinging her bag into the passenger seat, and pulled out of the yard as quickly as the thing would go.

I still couldn't see what was going to happen when I returned Bella's things to her, which meant that Jacob was probably still with her. I wasn't surprised, though. His feelings for Bella were blatantly clear every time they were together. After her near breakdown this morning, Jacob would probably be stuck to her like glue. In fact, Jacob was Bella's glue, keeping her from falling apart on a daily basis. I had been grateful for it before, but now that Edward was back, the dog's devotion might prove problematic.

My theory on Jake's location was verified when Bella's driveway came into view. His car was there, announcing his presence even before I could smell him. Charlie's cruiser was missing, though. I had been hoping Charlie would be home so that I would at least have a buffer, but it appeared that I was out of miracles for the day.

This ought to be interesting…

The din that came from Bella's truck was sure to announce my arrival, so I parked, grabbed Bella's bag, and braced myself for the confrontation to come.

The front door opened with a _whoosh_ and a very large, very disgruntled Jacob greeted me.

"What do you want, bloodsucker?"

"Well, hello to you**,** too" I said, though his attitude was making it difficult to keep my sunny disposition.

"What do you _want_?" He repeated, his arms folded across his well-muscled chest. I suppose he was trying to look menacing, but I wasn't in the mood.

"Calm down, Jacob. I just came to return Bella's truck and her things." I said, lifting Bella's bag into Jacob's line of vision as I spoke. "Can I speak to her?"

It's not like I needed Jacob's permission to speak to my best friend, but I thought it best to be polite.

"Is _he_ with you?"

"No, Edward isn't with me." I sighed. Geez, the dog was almost as bad as my brother.

"Bella's still asleep." Jacob said in a somewhat less hostile tone, and his shoulders relaxed a bit. I could hear Bella's steady breathing coming from her room, so I knew he was telling the truth, even if he was being an ass about it. It was fine. I didn't need to speak with her. The note I had stuffed into her bag would suffice.

"Well, here. Tell her to call me if she needs me, ok?" I handed Jacob the bag and abruptly turned and sprinted through the woods back to my house.

It was only a matter of time before Edward decided to mutiny and I needed to get back home before that happened.

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REVIEW!!...you know, or not. As you wish, lol!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8…YAAAAAY!!

Kelly = Rock Star (she even found the quote for this chapter! She rocks so hard I can't even take it sometimes, lol)

Minions, you rock also…I'm just too sleepy to adequately express how awesome you guys are.

Don't forget to check out the playlist…we will be adding to it soon *smile*

As always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twi…

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_Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. _

- Jane Wagner

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Chapter 8

Bella POV

I was fairly sure I was awake this time, but it was hard to tell since I wasn't screaming. I guess my warped brain had decided that the second dream, the one about my happy place, would be enough to dim the effects of the first, thereby allowing me to forgo yet another embarrassing event at the Cullen home.

_At least Emmett can't make fun of me for that…_, I thought, just before I recognized the sound of familiar, but out-of-place, snoring.

No one in the Cullen house slept, let alone snored.

I opened my eyes cautiously and found myself lying on _my_ bed…in _my_ house. The snoring was still perplexing, though, because it wasn't Charlie…and it was definitely closer than across the hall where it would have come from.

My curtains were drawn so I couldn't tell whether it was daytime or not. I glanced over and checked my alarm clock…2:30pm. So it definitely wasn't Charlie—at 2:30 in the afternoon he was either at work or watching ESPN. My father was predictable that way.

I rolled over to examine my room further and could not believe my eyes. The snoring was coming from the floor beside my bed. Jacob Black was sprawled on my bedroom floor; I would have wondered if he was dead, had it not been for his deafening snores.

_Am I still dreaming? Is it even possible to have so many very different dreams in one night?_

I reached out cautiously and poked Jake in the side.

"Lemme alone, Rachel…" he muttered, turning on his side.

_Okay, so I probably wasn't dreaming, 'cause I wouldn't have predicted that reaction._

Immediately, my mind flooded with questions, the most pressing of which I posed to the nearly comatose Jake.

"Jake, what are you doing in my room?" I questioned as I poked him again. Jacob's eyes fluttered open. After a moment recognition crossed his face, but he still did not answer, so I asked again, making sure to enunciate clearly.

"Jacob Black, why are you in my room?"

"Okay, now… Don't freak out, Bells…I'm just here to make sure the bloodsucker doesn't sneak in..." said Jacob as he rose from the floor, hints of panic in his tone.

I sighed in exasperation. _How many times did I have to go over this? _"First, don't call Alice a bloodsucker. She's my friend just as much as you are, Jake, and it's insulting when you to call her that. Second, I thought I had already made it clear that she was staying with me. She's welcome in my house and in my room, if she wants to be." I lectured, my eyes wandering as I tried to figure out where my dream had begun…maybe Alice was at her house waiting for me, or maybe I told her I would meet her there and then fallen asleep…? My recollections were like a large group of zebras, the stripes of one blending into those of another.

"That wasn't the leech I was talking about Bells…" Jacob continued to look in my eyes as he sat on my bed, making his movements deliberately slow. His blatant concern was enough to distract me from trying to recall the events (and the order of said events) of the past twenty-four hours. Now it was my turn to panic.

"What do you mean? Victoria?" I whispered frantically.

"No, Bells…not that one either..." Jake muttered, quickly trying to mollify my fears as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Then, who…?"

"After this morning, I didn't think you would want to be around _him_…you were really messed up, Bella…"

"Jake, what are you_ talking_ about?" I questioned into Jake's chest.

Jacob pulled me away from him, just enough so that he could look in my eyes again. His face was a mixture of confusion and apprehension.

"Bella, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Honestly, Jake, it's all confused in my head." I said as I closed my eyes in concentration. " I'm pretty sure that you and Alice were talking in my living room about how best to protect me from Victoria…then I told you to take a run…Alice wanted me to go with her to her house…but I guess I fell asleep 'cause I'm still here… _Why_ are you looking at me like that, Jacob?" The expression on Jake's face told me I was wrong…very wrong.

Jake brushed a stray hair out of my eyes and moved one of his arms from around me so that he could hold one of my, now shaking, hands.

"Bella, you're not 'still here'…I brought you _back_ here 'cause Charlie asked me to…I found you this morning in the meadow where the pack protected you from the redhead's flunky last month…"

Jake's words became a buzzing sound in the back of my head. He shook me lightly, but I barely noticed. I looked down and realized that I was still wearing my clothes from my first dream. It hadn't felt like a dream because… I hadn't been dreaming.

The Cullens were back…Edward was back…I had…_oh no….no, no, no_…

I had to get away from Jake before I broke down. I needed to absorb this and I just couldn't bear to let Jake see how bad it was about to get. He had already—apparently—seen me flip out this morning…he didn't deserve to have to deal with that again, especially not in the span of a few short hours.

So I said the first thing I came up with: something I could do without Jake trying to tag along and protect me.

"I need to shower." I mumbled, interrupting Jacob mid sentence.

"Umm, okay…" he said as I quickly rose from the bed. I was almost to the door before he continued.

"I almost forgot! The mini vamp came by while you were asleep to return your bag and your truck. She said something about calling her if you needed her. I left your bag there by the door—"

"Thanks…" I mumbled as I hurriedly grabbed the bag and ran the last few steps to the safety of the bathroom.

I slammed and locked the door behind me, threw the bag on the floor, stripped and turned on the shower, all in the measure of few seconds. Once the water was warm, I sat down in the tub and let the water envelop me. The tears that I had been struggling to hold back began to flow as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

What in the world had Edward been thinking? Giving me a lecture about breaking my promise to him, in the place where I had had the most amazing romantic experience of my life—_with_ him, no less—was not a great idea…unless he just wanted to torture me. I was beginning to realize that Edward just didn't make sense sometimes. If I was awake and all of those things really had happened…why?

As I pondered, the edges of the chasm in my torso began to sear.

Edward…he really did smell that good…look that beautiful…

A light knock on the door pulled me, momentarily, from my stupor…

"Hey, Bells? There's something I want to give you. I don't have it with me, but Embry can grab it for me and drop it off before he starts his shift running patrol…will you be okay if I leave you for a minute so I can tell him?"

"I'll be fine…" I called, doing my best to hide the fact that I had just been sobbing.

"Okay…I'll just be in the trees beyond the backyard…back before you know it."

Only a few seconds later, I heard the back door open and close, Jake's swift, silent movements bringing on another round of tears, as they reminded me once again of my annoying, clumsy humanity.

I don't know how long I sat there, motionless, aside from the heaves that racked my body, before realizing that I hadn't showered in more than 24 hours. I rose quickly, sliding and nearly slipping on the slick shower floor, grabbed my favorite shampoo and lathered up. I was happy to have something to think about besides my own inadequacies. I relished the feeling as the dirt and grime were rinsed out of my hair and down the drain, letting the familiar scent of strawberry take me back to two years ago, before I moved to Forks, back when I knew what to expect of life. Even if it was mundane and predictable… devoid of what were supposed to be mythical creatures. Once my hair was clean, I washed my body and turned the now cold water off before I could think of how I had once been wanted my body to be much closer to that icy temperature than it was now.

I stepped out of the shower and dried off. Reaching into my bag without allowing myself to search too thoroughly, I pulled out some clean underwear and my favorite pajamas…of course, Alice would pack my most comfortable holey sweats and my T-shirt with Leo and Claire from Romeo and Juliet on it. I hadn't seen that shirt in months, but it was my favorite…and Alice _was_ psychic. I choked back another sob as I dressed and hurried back to my room. My mind was on a dreary-go-round of whys… I needed my sun now, to dry my tears and help me feel sane again, even if needing him made me feel like the biggest jerk in history.

My human inadequacies became apparent again as I reentered my room. Jake was already there, sitting on my bed, waiting for me. I set my bag down beside my closet, and then turned back to Jacob, making a mental note to unpack it when my life started to make sense again.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

As Jake tried to get my attention I realized that he was wearing the same thing too… Jake really had been there…

"You punched Edward?" I whispered, as I moved closer trying to convince myself that I was wrong.

Jake dropped his eyes into his lap for a moment before returning his gaze to mine.

"Yeah, Bells, I did." He said calmly, as if daring me to be upset with him…I wasn't about to disappoint.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Bella, he was making you go postal! He even agreed that he deserved it – "

"Jake, you could have started a war! What will Sam say? You're going to be in so much trouble…and for what?!"

Jake chuckled. I couldn't believe his attitude.

"JAKE! This is serious! I don't want you guys to fight – "

"Bella, Sam knows."

I held Jake's gaze for a moment, just to assure myself that he wasn't lying, before I continued.

"What do you mean 'Sam knows'?"

"I took you back to the rez after you passed out this morning. Sam saw us and I had to go explain what happened. It's fine. The tribe isn't in danger, and Sam knows how I feel about you—"

"It doesn't matter, Jake! I may have been going a little crazy, and Edward may have let you punch him, but—"

"Let me?"

"Yeah, Jake, _let_ you. He can read minds, remember? He would have known that you were going to hit him as soon as you thought it."

"Why would he do that? It makes no sense…" Jake muttered so quietly that I wasn't sure whether he was talking to me or himself.

"I don't know, Jake…not much is making sense to me right now, but I _know _that he knew…"

"Doesn't matter…still felt good…" Jacob continued, seemingly lost in thought.

"Of course, it _matters, _Jake! I care about all of you, vampires and wolves. I couldn't take it if a war was started between you for any reason, but it would be even worse if it was because of me."

My admission seemed to bring Jake's attention back from whatever conversation he was having with himself.

"Then we won't, Bells." Jake replied with a sigh as he touched my cheek. I didn't get a chance to think decide how I felt about the intimate gesture before Jake continued. "Unless he hurts you again…then all bets are off."

"Jake, he doesn't even want me anymore. He told me so before he left…" I wrapped my arms around myself as the dreary-go-round started again. Inside, I knew that it would hurt every time I saw Edward – if I ever saw him again – but I wouldn't tell Jake that. He didn't need any more ammunition. Besides, Jake didn't believe what I was saying anyway.

"Whatever, Bells. Either way I'm staying with you tonight, just in case."

"Jake, you can't stay here all night, Charlie will be home soon."

"So I'll sneak into your room through the window. Wouldn't be the first time..." Jake replied wiggling his eyebrows with a goofy grin on his face. I probably would have smiled, if I hadn't been reminded of Edward sneaking in that way.

Edward. Everything always seemed to come back to him, whether I wanted it to or not.

Jacob, as usual, seemed to sense my inner turmoil. He pulled me into his lap and held me, rocking me gently. His tenderness was just too much for me, and I broke down, yet again. It was a wonder I had any water left in my body.

"Jake, I'm such a mess…"

"No worries, Bells. Your psychosis is part of your charm." Jake replied with a chuckle. After a few moments my crying turned to a combination dry heaves and hiccups. Jake leaned forward and, when he returned to his previous position, handed me a glass of water. I took a few slow sips, thankful for how he could know what I would need without my asking, then gave the glass back. Jake lifted me up with one arm while putting my glass back on my nightstand with the other. He adjusted himself so that he was sitting with his back against the wall, his legs running the length of the bed, with me again on his lap. We sat there in silence for hours. I wasn't sure what Jacob was thinking, but my mind was everywhere at once. Jake's warmth was the only thing keeping me from losing myself in despair. We didn't move until we heard Charlie's cruiser coming up the street.

"This would probably look a lot worse to Charlie than it actually is, huh?" Jacob chuckled, though he didn't shift from his position.

"Yeah, it would. We should go downstairs. I haven't even started dinner yet." I said as I began to wriggle, regretfully, from his warm embrace.

Jacob chuckled again. "I can get us there a lot quicker…"

With that, he scooped me up into his arms and ran through my open bedroom door, leapt the entire flight of stairs, and stopped in the kitchen just as Charlie pulled into the driveway. The only thing that kept me from screaming was the fact that I would have probably given Charlie a heart attack.

"Don't …EVER…do that…again…" I said my voice unsteady as Jacob set me down. My best friend continued to laugh as Charlie came through the front door.

"Jake?"

"We're in the kitchen, Charlie!" Jake called between guffaws, as I hurried to the refrigerator to figure out what I could make for dinner. I quickly realized that it was a lost cause.

_When am I going to have time to go grocery shopping again?…_ I thought as Charlie rounded the corner.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I just woke up and we don't really have any groceries…"

"Its fine, Bells…really." Charlie replied, giving me an awkward hug. "You spoil me, with all those home-cooked meals. We can order in tonight, ok?"

"Yeah... You know I love your cooking, Bells, but how about some pizza instead?" Jake added, probably after sharing a knowing glance with Charlie over my head. It looked like I was outnumbered, but this time, I didn't mind.

"Sure, sure…better make it two, though, Charlie. Jake eats like an animal…" I said as I closed the fridge, smiling at my pun despite the events of the day so far. I walked out of the kitchen and made my way to the couch in the living room. The men (well, one man and one man-sized teen) joined me in front of the TV after ordering the pizza. Charlie grabbed the remote and turned to ESPN as Jake came and sat in front of the couch. I didn't touch him, but I could feel the heat of his body anyway. It was comforting, yet disconcerting at the same time. It felt so nice to be on the couch watching TV with Charlie and Jacob...like it was how my life was supposed to be, but I couldn't let myself relax. I didn't want to want Jake. I could never be what Jake deserved and I already had so many issues to deal with.

My mixed up feelings for Jake was just one more problem to add to the list of things going wrong in my life.

_Oh joy_…

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That's chapter 8…

Sorry that it was only one POV, but I had a lot to get out, lol!

Review…please?


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twi...**

Kelly... I have no words to express just how much I heart you! I really don't know how you put up with me, but I'm so glad you do. Thanks for keeping me on task and inspiring me when I get lost in my own thoughts...even if you don't do it on purpose *wink*

Minions... Thank you! You guys really know how to make me feel like I'm halfway descent at this, lol!

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_A real friend never gets in your way – unless you happen to be on your way down._

- Anonymous

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Chapter 9

Edward POV

I found Jasper quickly. He was only a mile away from where Alice and I had been, trailing a small herd of deer. I wasn't surprised—Alice was Jasper's entire world and he wouldn't have been far from her, if he could help it.

As soon as I was within range, he started sending waves of calm my way. I felt my shoulders relax just a bit.

"Thank you, Jasper…"

_No problem_

We bagged two deer each, then headed back to the house. I had been back in Forks for eight hours, but had only spoken with my family about Victoria. I hadn't even made it to my room. My relationship with Alice and Jasper seemed to pick up right where we left off, and I hoped it would be the same with the rest of my family.

Alice leaving me to my own devices had not been the best idea. Without the wolves' goofy comments reminding me how much I had missed my sister, I had the free space in my mind to try to figure out what Alice was keeping from me. Aggravation began to surpass heights that even Jasper's talents couldn't overcome as I approached my front door. Jasper remained outside on the porch.

_Want to see her as soon as she gets back…_

I nodded and walked into the house. Honestly, I understood how he felt. I felt the same way about Bella, only I had the added pressure of perpetually making the love of my life miserable. It was taking all of my strength to wait for Alice, instead of going straight to Bella in attempt to make this right. But I had told Alice I would put my trust in her, and I intended to keep my word. I also had the feeling Jasper was a little worn out with all the emotions he had to contend with since returning to Forks. I couldn't imagine how tough it must have been for him to be around me for the past few hours, let alone dealing with Bella and our family before that.

_Bella_. I could smell her as soon as I entered the house. It was faint, but no less intoxicating. It seemed as though there were traces of her scent in the living room, the kitchen and on the stairs. As soon as I recognized the scent I wanted to follow it. Maybe if I did, I could pretend that Bella was just upstairs or around the corner, waiting for me.

_Edward…I need to talk to you._

Rosalie and Emmett were in the living room on the couch where Bella had been sleeping only hours before, watching football. Emmett was singing University of Tennessee fight song in his head over and over even though that wasn't one of the teams he was watching. I had no idea what he could be trying to keep from me, but at that moment Bella was foremost in my mind, so I didn't really care. Carlisle and Esme were upstairs, focused on trying to develop plans of action to stay the Volturi's hand, and consciously making the effort to give me some space. The only member of my family who seemed to be hell bent on having my attention at the moment was Rose. I had temporarily forgotten about her need to apologize to me, but she would just have to wait. I wanted to continue following Bella's bouquet.

"Rose, I don't have time for this right —" I started as I moved toward the stairs, but Rosalie cut me off.

"Emmett."

Suddenly, I was slammed against the far wall of the living room, immobilized under the strength of my bear-like brother.

"What the—"

_Sorry, Eddie. Rose has some things she wants to say to you, but she knew you probably wouldn't let her get it out, so she asked me to help…can't say this isn't kinda fun, though…by the way, you smell almost as bad as Alice. What the hell were you and the midget doing out there?_

Emmett's ramblings only added to my irritation. My reply was a guttural snarl. They were both able to surmise my intent, despite the fact that I was beyond words.

"No! Edward, please…let me get this out…"

I suppressed a growl and met my sister's eyes. Hearing her out was unnecessary, but her thoughts were remorseful and contrite…well, as remorseful and contrite as could be expected for Rosalie. Besides, Emmett was having too much fun to let me go right now, especially if Rosalie still wanted me stationary. "Spit it out, Rose." I grunted in acquiescence.

"Edward, I'm sorry I called you about Bella. I know you said you didn't want us to contact you and I should have respected your wishes. It was selfish of me to go against them, but I really wanted my family back together and happy…plus, I really thought you deserved to know…" Rosalie's apology dropped off and she began biting her lip. I wanted to tell her that I was mad at her and would never forgive her, but lying was what had gotten me in this horrendous situation with Bella. Being less than truthful with anyone else I cared for, no matter how maddening they were, could not be a good thing.

"Rose, you were right to call me. I would have wanted to know. I should be here. The longer I'm back, the more apparent it becomes that I should have never left."

"So, you aren't mad at me, then?"

"No, I was going to thank you eventually, but what with Bella seeming to be in multiple life threatening situations at once, I thought I'd wait."

Rosalie's trademark smirk appeared on her face instantly.

_Of course, I was right…don't know why I was worried in the first place…_

"Yes, Rose, you were right. Will you call off Emmet 'Great Grizzly' Cullen now?"

"You can let him go now, Emmett." Rosalie mumbled indifferently as she returned to the couch and changed the channel from ESPN to the Style network.

"What if I don't want to just yet?" He replied with a smirk of his own.

"Emmett, let him go, please." Esme called softly from behind the study door. Emmett cocked his head, his grin widening as he released me.

"Welcome home, little brother…" he chuckled.

I didn't have desire or patience to banter. As soon as Emmett set me free, I went back to following Bella's scent, not even looking back at my brother and sister. Her fragrance was mixed with Alice's so it wasn't as pure as I would have liked, but it was still the most enthralling perfume I had ever experienced. The trail led to my room. I stopped at my door and filled with anticipation. Had she been in my room? Would I be able to close the door and just let her aroma swirl around me until Alice returned? My hopes were dashed as soon as I passed through the doorway. Only Alice's scent was evident in my room. I almost turned back, just so that I could return to Bella's scent, but could not get my body to follow the desires of my baleful heart. I didn't deserve her. I never had…not her body (no matter how often she had offered it), not her blood (no matter how many times she had told me she didn't care), and definitely not her love (which I had thrown away like the ass that I am). Instead of returning to the hallway, I closed the door of my room and backed away from it before I could tempt myself into further destruction. I sat there for hours, listening to music that matched my mood and recalling every moment of my relationship with Bella. At some point, Alice returned. I heard her thoughts as she approached, but called to me before I could move.

_Edward, just stay where you are…I'm going to go hunt…I'll be back in a few hours and we'll talk, okay?_

Alice saw my decision as I returned to my musings. She and Jasper immediately left to hunt, as I continued to berating my self. I had destroyed the first instance of true happiness I had had since Carlisle turned me into the monster that I was… ruined it in an effort to protect her. _Would I ever learn? How could I not have seen the damage my decisions would cause_? I would try to wait for Bella to heal, as Alice had asked, but every second without her was torturous. As the sun set, my mind wandered back to Alice. _What could she be planning?_ _And why was I letting her help me fix a situation that was completely my fault? Alice shouldn't have to clean up my messes…I should clean them up myself…_ Thinking of Alice made me more acutely aware of her scent in my room. The more I thought about it, the less her presence in my room made sense. Dread seeped into my core as I followed her scent to my closet. _She wouldn't have taken it…_I told myself, _she shouldn't even know about it…_

It was gone. Alice had taken the box… _Why would she do that? She had no use for it…everything inside was for…oh no…_

Comprehension pushed my teetering resolve to follow Alice's advice over the edge.

I jumped out of my bedroom window and ran for Bella's house, hoping Alice was too far away to try to stop me…maybe if I got there in time, I could get it back…if Bella wasn't ready for me to speak to her, how could Alice think it was a good idea to give her _that_?

_NoEdwardNoEdwardNoEdwardNo!_

Apparently, today was not the day for me to get what I wanted on any front. At least Jasper wasn't with her.

"I need to see her, Alice"

_Oh, really? You_ need_ to see _her_? Did you even stop to think that maybe Bella might be better off if _she_ didn't see _you_ just yet? In fact, isn't that what I JUST TOLD YOU A LITTLE WHILE AGO?_

"If I see her then I can figure out how to fix things between us, Alice. I need her."

_Wow. I don't think you quite understand the situation, Edward. You _broke_ her…not only did you leave, but when you left you told her that you didn't want her anymore…how did you think that was going to affect her? _

I wanted to question just how she thought the _box_ would affect Bella, but I was sidetracked by the fact that Alice knew about my horrendous words.

"How do you know what I said to her, Alice?" I asked quietly as shame filled me. I always knew that my family would be hurt if the knew the truth behind my breakup with Bella, Alice most of all.

_I was keeping an eye on you two in the meadow through my visions so I heard everything Bella said before Jacob showed up… I can't believe you lied to her like that, Edward._

"I had to, Alice. She wanted to come with me…it was the most blasphemous thing I could have uttered, but it was the only thing I could think of to keep her away from us…to keep her safe."

_And look how well that turned out._

"You couldn't possibly be more upset with me than I am with myself, Alice." I whispered in defeat, stopping in my tracks so that my sister could catch up. Her tone softened.

_Bella isn't a duck, Edward. Things don't just roll off of her back, you know? I know that she still loves you – I believe it with all my heart – but this is still a delicate situation. Now is not the time to profess your love…_

Alice reached me then. As she came to a stop in front of me, she let her guard slip just enough for me to see what she had left me to go do this morning…

"The dog is in Bella's house?!?"

"Yes, Edward, he is. And even though Jacob is blocking my visions, the events of the morning are leading me to believe that you going over there right now is a bad idea…"

I growled as my frustration bubbled within me. Why couldn't my sister see reason?

"Alice, I have to make sure Bella's alright ­– "

"And you will…you just have to trust me. Now isn't the time…but soon, okay?"

I wanted to go to Bella's house anyway and I was about push past Alice and do just that when she relented.

"Fine, Edward. I'll compromise. We'll stay outside of the house, but close enough to hear if anything happens. That way you know she's fine and we don't provoke Jacob."

"I don't care about provoking the dog, Alice."

"You should. If he hurts her, it would kill you. If Jacob hurts you, or you hurt him, it would destroy _her_. Anyway you look at it, Bella suffers."

"She'd get over it…" I said, though I knew Alice was right. My words were just a feeble attempt to convince us both otherwise so that I could be with Bella immediately, come what may.

Alice took my hand with sympathy in her eyes.

"No, Edward, she wouldn't. But if we hang out in her backyard for the rest of the night, at least you can listen to her heartbeat until school tomorrow."

"School tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is Monday, Edward, and Spring Break is over. Now that the family is back, we can't neglect…"

My mind raced as my vision of Alice blurred. I was going to school tomorrow…Bella was going to school tomorrow…the dog didn't go to Forks High…I would finally have a chance to make this right without canine intrusion...

It took me a moment to realize that Alice had stopped talking. I allowed my eyes to refocus on my sister. Alice giggled. _Yeah, I thought that might lift your spirits._

Apparently, I was smiling. More accurately, my face was illuminated. The promise of interacting with Bella in a few hours had raised me from the depths of my despair and all lingering worries were momentarily pushed aside.

"Come on, Edward. Let's go stalk the love of your life…"

Bella POV

The evening had been relatively peaceful. The pizzas came, and everyone was fed (though I was right about needing an extra one for Jake—he basically inhaled his Deep Dish Meat Lover's), then we went back to watching TV. Charlie never asked about the Cullens, but I could tell that he knew. He couldn't seem to relax completely, and every now and then he would glance at me, making sure I wasn't returning to my pre-Jake stage of mourning, complete with blank stares. Charlie had every reason to suspect that I would fall apart. Truthfully, if it hadn't been for Jake's presence, I probably would have gone upstairs, locked myself in my room and let myself shatter. It bothered me to know that the hurt my emotional breakdown would cause my father wouldn't be enough to stop me from going to pieces. But, as was evident before Jake and I had started hanging out, I wasn't a great actress. So if I tried to act as if nothing was wrong, Charlie would notice and it would defeat the whole purpose of my efforts…and becoming a zombie again was not an option.

It had been about an hour since Charlie kicked Jacob out of the house and went to bed. A few moments after Charlie started snoring I heard a light sporadic tapping, and unlocked my window right away to let Jake in. I can't say that it didn't make me feel better to know that he was going to be keeping me company during the night. The need for Jake's presence just barely overshadowed my certainty that keeping him with me was leading him on. As he climbed into my window, I could tell that he was thrilled that I let him stay.

_God, I'm gonna break his heart…_

"You should probably try to sleep some more… wanna lie down?" Jake asked as we stood there looking at each other. I was so lost in my thoughts that neither of us had moved since Jake had climbed into the window. If I hadn't been looking at him when he spoke I might have thought he was hitting on me or trying to be funny, but there was only concern in his eyes.

"Um, yeah, I guess." I mumbled. I climbed onto my bed and turned on my side to look at Jake. He did not join me, opting instead to tuck the covers over me and sit on the floor between my bed and nightstand with his back against the wall. His arms were long enough that even from the floor Jake was able to throw one arm around me. The warmth that emanated from his body was comforting, and it quelled the fire that was on the verge of raging within my torso. I was immediately glad Jake was staying for the night, though I knew it was a craptastic thing to do.

"I meant to ask you…Embry said that you were talking in your sleep while I was with Sam this morning." Jake whispered.

"I was, huh?" I replied as I tried to hold my mortification at bay. Lord only knew what I had said in my sleep this time. My nocturnal admissions continued to get me in trouble.

"Yeah, I mean, I know you do that a lot anyway, but he said you mentioned something about diamonds…what were you dreaming about diamonds for?"

"I don't remember…" I whispered, anxious to change the subject, "Wasn't there something you wanted to give me?" Telling Jake that I had been dreaming of Edward would not be a good idea, but luckily for me, he didn't seem to notice my desperation.

"Oh, yeah!" Jake quickly reached into the pocket of his cutoff sweats and pulled out a small, but beautifully woven bag. "I was going to wait to give it to you for your graduation, but I think you could probably use it now." Jake turned the bag over and a thin bracelet poured into the palm of his hand.

"Oh wow, Jake! It's beautiful!" I whispered excitedly as I took the bracelet from his hand and examined it. It was a delicate silver link bracelet. Attached to one of the links was an equally delicate wooden wolf. The carving could have been a miniature replica of Jake when he was in wolf form, and even the color of the wood matched the russet brown of his fur.

"I carved the wolf myself." he boasted mildly. "It took forever to whittle the block of wood down into the right shape. It seems as if you genuinely like it though, so I guess it was worthwhile."

"I do. I love it, Jake..." I said. It was the truth, but even as I said it, I wanted to cry. Did I have to use the word 'love'? God, I could have smacked myself. Jacob seemed to swell when I told him how much I liked his gift. He deserved so much more than me. How do I navigate this situation without losing my best friend? I couldn't give the bracelet back. He had put so much effort into it that I would insult him if I even tried. I tabled that particular internal debate and instead tried to get him to explain himself "I don't understand though. You said that I could 'use' it…?"

"Oh, right. Well, I don't think I'll be able to go to school with you tomorrow, Bella. My grades aren't so hot, and I know Sam would flip if I failed the 10th grade…"

"Jake, You know I'll study with you, and help you get your grades up—Wait… What are you even talking about? Why would you even go to school with me in the first place?" I had the feeling I was missing something important…again.

"I think _he_ might show up…"

_Ow…_the edges of the hole in my torso were instantly inflamed. Jacob pulled me closer to the edge of the bed as I grasped at my sides. Jacob's arm remained tight around me, helping me keep myself together. A lot had happened over the last week, but how could I have completely forgotten that it was Spring Break? …and that break was now over.

My chest hurt so badly that a desperate moan escaped my mouth despite my best efforts to keep it inside.

"Bella, listen to me, okay?" Jake took his hand and turned my face so that we were making eye contact. The fact that our faces were so close together did not escape my attention, but I was still so shocked that the proximity of Jake's lips to mine just wasn't a top priority. "I know you have it in you to be strong. I need you to be strong tomorrow. Remember what he did to you. He left you Bella, and if I'm right, he's gonna try to talk to you tomorrow… possibly to try to get you back." Jacob's face was pained at first, but he quickly threw on an encouraging smile. Even though I didn't want Jake to think he and I could be together, he had to know that Edward had no desire for me anymore.

"Jake, he doesn't – "I started, but Jacob cut me off.

"You told me already, Bells, but let's just pretend you're wrong. Let's say he _does_ want you back. I want you to remember who you are and what happened when he left…you know those 'What Would Jesus Do' bracelets?"

I nodded, but remained silent. I wasn't sure where he was going with this, but I let him get it out.

"Think of this as a 'What Would Jake Say' bracelet…or even better, 'What Would _I_ Say if _Jake_ Was Doing This, Instead of Edward'…you always seem to tell me _exactly_ what's on your mind when I piss you off." He said, ending his explanation with a chuckle.

"Jake, I don't think I'll have to – "All of this was pointless. Edward didn't want me anymore, but Jake interrupted me a second time.

"We're pretending I'm right, remember? I know…far-fetched concept, but could you humor me, please?"

I was too emotionally spent to muster any more protest. I held the bracelet up with one hand and nodded, "Okay, Jake. Put it on…"

Jake took the bracelet and placed it on my wrist.

"We should both sleep now, Bells…tomorrow's gonna be a long day…" Jake said as he leaned back against the wall, keeping his arm around me.

In my mind, I began giggling. There was a strange, nervous edge to my hysteria.

_Long_ was probably going to be the understatement of the century, whether Jake was right or not…

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Author's note: Thanks to all of my readers! I'm so glad you guys are still with me, lol! Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas, don't hesitate to throw them in a review. OH! and don't forget to check out the playlist! The link is in my profile and we just updated it the other day!

FYI: I've given up on trying to figure out a new title. We're gonna stick with Seeing Red so don't worry about not being able to find this story later, lol!

P.O.C: Jake was not comparing himself to the Messiah. He was just giving a pop culture (albeit religious) frame of reference. I apologize if it offends anyone.

UPDATE: I started a thread on (the other place where this story is posted) .?f=33&t=5030

Come and say hello


	10. Chapter 10

I do not own Twilight or any of the characters therein...

THANK YOU...

Kelly, I have no words. I know this probably sounds redundant, but I REALLY couldn't make this nearly as awesome as it is without you!

Twi-Soulmates and Kelly's minions, thanks again for all of the encouragement. You guys make me feel the love and totes inspire me when I get side tracked, lol!

Everyone who reads and reviews, I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Thank you soooooo much!

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_It is not the experience of today that drives us mad; it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring_

-Anonymous

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Chapter 10

Jacob POV

"We should both sleep now, Bells…tomorrow's gonna be a long day…" I said as I leaned back against the wall. I glanced at the clock.

11:37pm.

I returned my gaze to Bella, and she didn't move away when I looped my arm over her head and lightly rubbed her back. Instead she just sighed softly and curled into a fetal position…not that I couldn't bring myself to take my arm from around her, but why would I want to? Soon enough, I heard her breathing deepen. As soon as I knew she was out, I tried to go to sleep myself, but I couldn't keep my eyes shut for more than 2 hours at a time. I glanced over at the clock after my nap.

1:52am.

My eyes returned to Bella's sleeping form—and that's when it hit me. I was alone with Bella… in her room…at night…

_Uh oh_.

I had been fine the entire afternoon, but now my body was on the verge of betraying me, and I really didn't want my hormones to ruin our relationship, especially not now when I was trying to be the friend she desperately needed. I would never take advantage of her, but Bella would totally freak if she found out about my…current situation. There was no need torture myself any longer than necessary, so I concentrated on turning my thoughts to the least sexual things I could come up with…

…Dead puppies…

…Geometry…

…Vampires…

…_Leah_…

The last one made me shudder, and all of the hormones that had been raging immediately died. I made a mental note to thank Leah for being such an amazing buzz kill and saving me from embarrassing myself….she'd get a kick out of that.

I stretched my legs out, attempting to get more comfortable on the floor. There was no way I was going to tempt fate by getting on Bella's bed, and concentrating on not moving the arm that was still around her, I ended up kicking her bag over. As I tilted it back up against the closet door with my free arm, I found that an mp3 player had fallen out. I didn't even know she had one. I exhaled deeply, _Since I'm not going to sleep anytime soon, I might as well see just how emo Bella's music library is at the moment._

I popped the ear buds in and began searching through Bella's list of artists…

_Snow Patrol…Placebo…Damien Rice…COLDPLAY?!?! This could be worse than I thought…_

Since I hadn't heard of half of these groups, I just put the player on shuffle and leaned my head back against the wall. The first song sounded kind of like an emo lullaby, slow and agonizingly beautiful. My eyes turned back to Bells and all I wanted in the world at that moment was for her to realize that she was in love with me.

_I am such a girl…_

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. I watched Bella's chest rise and fall with each breath. She looked so pretty when she slept. All the worry lines straightened themselves out, and when she smiled in her sleep, there wasn't any pain behind it…just happiness. If all were right in the world, Bella would open her eyes tomorrow, see me, and know that I was the right one for her. But if I was being honest with myself, I knew that I would settle for just seeing her happy. Really happy—not the fake smiles she puts on for Charlie. It would hurt like hell if the only way for that to happen was with her leech, but I would figure it out somehow…if she didn't come to her senses and realize how awesome I was first.

A new song started. It was completely instrumental—someone playing the piano—but it only said "Track One" under song title, "EAC" under artist, and "Birthday CD" under album title. I hadn't realized Bella was into classical music, but it made sense. Bella was classy and eclectic like that. I closed my eyes and let the music sweep over me. It wasn't my thing, but I could appreciate a nice piece of work just as much as the next guy.

I was asleep before the song ended.

***

Edward POV

Alice and I arrived outside of Bella's house around midnight and sat just inside the tree line for hours. I could hear all three heartbeats, but I was only interested in Bella's. It was a symphony unto itself. In fact, I concentrated so fully on the rhythm of Bella's heart that all else slipped into the background. To her credit, Alice didn't bother me. She just sat beside me quietly and allowed me to retreat into my own thoughts. I closed my eyes and became so focused that I could almost feel Bella's pulse…feel the warmth of her skin.

"We should go now."

I opened my eyes in confusion and realized that the sun was coming up. I had been sitting there with my eyes closed for nearly seven hours.

"Why? Bella hasn't left the house yet, and the _dog's_ still in there."

"Yeah, but you need to get home, shower, and change. I think it would be best if we beat her to school…"

…and _it's weird and unseemly to be out here like peeping toms…actual peeping would be the only thing worse…_

"You didn't have to come…" I grumbled, knowing that was exactly what I had done in the beginning, before Bella uncovered the truth about me.

"If I hadn't, who would have made sure you avoided arrest? Her father is the chief of police, you know…" with that comment and a smirk, Alice was back guarding her thoughts again. Superficially, Alice was right, but I had the distinct impression that there was something below the surface…and I probably wouldn't like it if I ever figured out what it was. I should have taken the chance to read her mind while her guard was down, but Bella, as always, came first. She tended to cloud my mind, especially since I had been without her for so long.

Alice continued, "…besides, you need to get your head together, and if you see her right now, you will not be able to stop yourself from going to her. And that is still _not_ a good idea."

_Speaking of things that aren't good ideas_… I thought to myself darkly.

"We'll discuss the box later, Edward." Alice sighed, just as I was about to mention it, mild frustration evident in her tone.

I would have pushed the issue, but Bella's heartbeat picked up…my beloved was about to wake up. I felt another stab to my dead heart when I realized that I wouldn't be the first thing she saw… the dog would have that honor instead. Just the thought of it made the venom in my veins boil.

"Edward, let's _go_."

_You don't want her to see you this way. Keep in mind that you, Bella, and Jacob in the same space right now would just end up in pain for everyone, physically and emotionally_.

"How would you _know_, Alice?"

My sister turned to me with an arched eyebrow as if to say "did you really just go there?" I knew she was right, but that last comment had slipped out due to my mounting frustration. I sighed and expressed my true fear.

"What if she doesn't come to school?" If Bella didn't come to school, there was no telling when she would be free of her watchdog… and if he was around, how would I make this right?

Alice was thoughtful for a moment before turning to me with a sad smile.

"She'll be there..."

We jumped out of the tree we were perched in and ran home. My other siblings had "graduated," so Alice and I were the only ones who needed to change and go to Forks High, though Jasper was planning to wait in the woods close by. Alice went to her room where Jasper was waiting for her to change and get ready. As I passed Carlisle's study on my way to do the same, he quietly called to me.

"Edward… you don't have to do go if you aren't ready. I could call the school…"

I turned on my heel and entered the study.

"No, Carlisle. I need to go."

"Are you sure, son? Emmett mentioned that your reunion with Bella didn't go as well as we had hoped…"

_Actually, I told him it was a train wreck…you can thank me later_… Emmett thought from downstairs. I could practically hear his smirk. I knew he was right, but I growled lowly anyway. Carlisle and Esme had only just returned and were already worried about my relationship with Bella. I was happy that they still cared, but felt guilty for even putting them in that position.

"It didn't go as I hoped, but I need to see her again… and Alice says the best option is to see her at school." I added in Alice's word to ease Carlisle's mind a bit and it seemed to work.

_Okay_, Carlisle thought with a nod.

_Edward?_

I turned to Esme, who immediately wrapped me in a fierce embrace.

_I've missed you so much and I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier…_

"I know, Esme. I've missed you too." I whispered, hugging her briefly in return.

_If there is anything I can do to help with this situation with Bella, don't hesitate to ask, ok?_

"I won't." I assured her as I gently pulled away. "I need to go shower and change…I'll speak to you both later."

They both nodded and I went to my room. Grabbing the first articles of clothing I saw, I hurried to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. I heard someone open my door as I scrubbed myself down, and I heard a familiar "voice" accompanying the light footfalls.

…_I did not sleep well, though my bed was comfortable enough, for I had all sorts of queer dreams. There was a dog howling all night under my window, which may have had something to do with it; or it may have been…_

Apparently, Alice was reciting Bram Stoker's _Dracula_ to herself to keep me out this time; she must have run out of languages to sing in. I sighed. She knew I hated the way our kind was depicted in that story, but there was no need to pry any further. The only reason Alice would be in my room at that moment would be to pick out a different outfit than the one I had taken into the bathroom. She left after only a moment in my closet and I couldn't help but wonder if my outfit would be some sort of retribution for laughing at her with the wolves earlier. I finished my shower to the mantra of_…I trust Alice…I would do anything for Bella_. Exiting my bathroom with mild trepidation I found a pile of clothes, just as I had expected. There was a note on top of the pile that simply stated, "Wear this."

***

Bella POV

I woke before the alarm clock, but I wasn't shrieking like a banshee, which was nice. Jake was already awake. He sat on the edge of my bed, watching me as he ran his fingers through my hair, which was fanned across my pillow.

"Hi." I muttered groggily.

"Morning, Bells." Jake replied quietly. I guess Jake had opened the curtain of my window while I was sleeping. The soft hazy light of morning seeped into my room and seemed to cling to him. It made me smile. Here he was being my sun again…he practically glowed.

"Charlie!" I said as I shot up and looked around wildly, trying to decide if I should push Jake out of the window or try to hid him somewhere…where the heck could I hid someone so _big_? Edward was tall and used to hide from Charlie easily, but he was not nearly as big and bulky as Jake had become in recent months…

"Relax, Bella." He chuckled. "Charlie left for work about ten minutes ago."

"Oh…How did he not find you here?"

"I hid behind the door when he peeked in to check on you." Jake said between chortles. "I was lucky he didn't come all the way into the room, or I would have been dead meat."

I shook my head and got up. Jake rose from my bed and made his exit as I gathered my clothes for the day. Thankfully, I was still in a sleepy haze so I just grabbed some jeans and a white t-shirt without stopping to stress over what I would wear. As I opened my underwear drawer and grabbed the first pair I saw, I heard a shuffling at my door.

"Ummm, I'll just wait for you downstairs, okay?" Jake had apparently been at the door as I was grabbing my clothes. Again, my haze saved me from the mortification I should felt. Instead all I could muster was a light blush as I murmured, "OK" and shuffled to the bathroom.

I showered and dressed, waking up completely as I washed my face. I was happy to find that I was numb when I thought of the impending doom that awaited me at school today. I came downstairs after brushing my teeth and hair to find Jacob with his nose in my fridge.

"It won't do you any good. We don't have anything remotely edible. I need to go to the store tonight after school…" I said, the last part more to myself than anything, finding that thinking about what I needed to do _after_ school was much easier than what was sure to happen _at_ school. Jake closed the refrigerator door and came to stand in front of me, grabbing me into a gentle hug.

"You want me to come with you?" He said softly. I wasn't sure if he meant school or shopping, but the answer to both was the same so there was no need to ask for further clarification.

"Nah, you should go home and study after school. I don't want you to spend valuable study time hanging out with me…what would Billy say?" I replied as I pulled out of our embrace, surprising myself with a soft chuckle.

"I think Billy would understand..." Jake said with a short lived smile.

"We should go, Jacob. School starts in less than twenty minutes and you still need to go home and get ready…" I turned, grabbing my purple hoodie from the back of one of the chairs at the table and left the room in search of my shoes.

"Yeah" he sighed, following me as I snatched my backpack from beside the couch, put on my Chucks that matched my hoodie, and headed out. We both hesitated as we approached my truck. The numb feeling I had earlier slipped just a little as Jacob opened the door of my truck, but it was enough to make me want to turn tail and hide under my covers for the rest of the day. I stopped myself by looking at Jake and remembering my thoughts from only 48 hours before. Jake, and my parents, deserved for me to be strong, and I had every intention of doing my best. Wordlessly, I turned to Jake and gave him another hug, breathing in his woodsy scent and using it to steel myself for the hours to come. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and sighed.

"Call me when you get home, okay? If you need me before then, for anything, call the house. Billy will get me."

I nodded against his chest, then released him and got in the truck, fearing that if I opened my mouth, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from saying something I may regret later. Jacob closed my door, then turned and jogged into the woods as I started the truck. Once he was out of sight the numbness slipped a little further away and Edward's face crept into my mind.

I may not have been sure about how I felt about Jake, but I was _very _sure about how Edward felt about me. I've never wanted to skip school so badly in my life.

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K, I realize that this is pretty short compared to most of the other chapters. That's cause I had to split it up. Chapter 11 is finished with its first edit and I will post it here as soon as chapter 10 is up on twilighted.

Also, the first song that Jake listens to on the iPod has been added to the playlist. I listen to it every day and it makes my heart break over and over for my poor Jakie. Le sigh.


	11. Chapter 11

Stephenie Meyer owns all things recognizable…except Alice's requested promise which belongs to Christopher Robin

Kell, thank you for sharing my insomnia and I'm sorry in advance for chapter 12…

Sparky Poo, there is no Jake in this chapter and no iPods to be mad about, lol! Happy reading!

Twi-soulmates and minions…you rock socks, but you already know this…

Readers and reviewers, THANK YOU! I appreciate it more than you know.

CassieCullen, I admire your tenacity…this is for you.

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_Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious..._

Michael Stipe

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Bella POV

I threw my hood over my head, even though I was taking my life in my hands since it severely tunneled my vision…_Oh well_, I thought, _If I can only see ahead of me, then I will not be tempted by escape routes along the way_.

This day was gonna suck.

_God? Are you there? It's me, Bella_… I began, spending the entire drive to school humbly requesting that the clouds would lift and the sun would shine brightly, thereby saving me from seeing Edward for one more day.

No such luck. The clouds blanketed the sky, completely obstructing the sun from view.

I pulled into the school parking lot and my heart sank even further. There was the Volvo…the stupid, shiny Volvo. The sight of it made me sick to my stomach and I considered turning my truck around, going back home and hiding under the covers until God struck me down with lightning, or something equally amazing happened—like me winning the lottery and moving to Zimbabwe, or somewhere equally far away and sunny. _Is there a place where is it perpetually sunny? Maybe I'll live there and sleep on the street so Edward will have to stay away and I can avoid the lecture I'm about to receive… _but then I thought about the past seven months and how I badly I missed him and I was thrown into another tornado of emotions. I appeared to be in a constant state of flux.

_Ugh…I'm screwed._

I parked as far away from the Volvo as I could, and hopped out of my truck. I was grateful that I was running late since it left me no time to dwell on how much I _didn't_ want to walk into my class at that moment… or ever. The thought of seeing Edward's beautiful face was so painful that I was sure when it happened I would either melt with longing, or implode with anger… or both.

"Good morning, Bella!" I heard as I closed my door. I turned hesitantly to see Alice standing at my side, seeming to have appeared out of nowhere and holding a quart size storage bag full of Honey Nut Cheerios.

"These are for you!" She said, handing me the bag. Alice looked chipper, as usual, but there was new nervousness around the edges.

"Hi, Alice… Thanks…" I wasn't sure what else to say or do. I missed Alice, and I really appreciated her bringing me a much needed snack, but seeing her made me think of Edward. I also wasn't sure if I would be getting a lecture from her about my behavior in the meadow, or if I should even mention it at all. Would I even get to see any of the other Cullens again after all that had happened?

"Bella, at least have a handful… you'll need your strength." She chided gently. I took a few out of the bag and popped them into my mouth mechanically as Alice continued. "I was hoping I could come grocery shopping with you today. Then maybe I could come over and we could watch a movie. I know it's a school night and all, but I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind."

As always, Alice came to the rescue, simultaneously saving me from my own thoughts for a moment and assuaging my fears that she might be upset with me. I was perfectly happy not to talk about the incident in the meadow if she was.

"I would love it if you would come with me, Alice." I said, after I released the breath I was holding. Alice looked relieved. I guess maybe she was nervous too, though I wasn't sure why she would be. She looped her arm through mine and we began to walk toward the school.

"So, Esme was wondering if you wanted to come over this weekend."

I grimaced. I wanted to see the Cullens again, but Edward was back now…could I handle that?

Alice looked at my face and quickly added, "If you're not up to it, it's okay…"

"I want to see you guys—don't get me wrong—it's just..." I struggled to find the right words as we entered building 4.

"How about you think about it and let me know later?" Alice said.

"Yeah, Alice…that would be great…" I replied, glad that she had given me a bit more time. I didn't want to disappoint Esme, but how could I deal with Edward being so close? Alice with me, arm in arm, all the way to the door of my first period class. It hadn't seemed like so much of a death march when Alice was with me, but now that we were here, I could not help but feel like I was back on the edge of the cliff in La Push about to dive…only this time I couldn't fool myself into thinking I would find the pre-18th birthday Edward, the one who loved me… the one who said that I was his life. That man didn't exist anymore, and I needed to do my best to accept that, for my own good, and the good of those who cared about me.

Alice turned to me, sighing softly as she released my arm.

"I'll meet you here as soon as the bell rings, okay?"

"Yeah…" I muttered and with that, Alice turned and scurried to class. I regarded the door for a moment, part of me still trying to plot possible exit strategies, until I finally took a deep breath and pumped myself up, using the name on my birth certificate to prove to myself that I meant business.

_Isabella Marie__Swan, get it together… you can do this. Waiting will only make it worse. You know why he's back and you _will not_ fall apart. Even if you have to look at his awe-striking face… and smell his__…__ enthralling scent… ugh. _

Without further ado, I pulled the classroom door open and stepped inside. I could barely contain a gasp as I saw Edward. He was gorgeous in a green shirt and khakis, and when our eyes met, his face lit up.

_How could he dazzle me within a second of seeing him? How is that fair?_

_Its official…God hates me._

I wrestled my eyes away from him as he smiled, and decided that it was best for my mental health if I didn't look at him again. I wasn't late, but I could still feel every eye in the room on me as I made my way to my seat. The rest of the morning was just as painful as that first moment.

Edward was everywhere. He resumed the class schedule that he'd had at the beginning of the year, which meant he was in all but one of my classes… and since the only seats that were free were the ones next to me, he had no other options. It hurt so much when he left all those months ago, but it was absolute torture now that he was back. I might have been okay if he cared about me at all, but since I knew that he thought I was no good for him, that was all I could think about. Why couldn't I catch a break?

I could feel the seconds tick by, each 55 minute class seeming to last for an eternity. The eyes of every single person, student and teacher alike, were on Edward and me. It was an excruciating mix of anticipation and pity. The only person other than Alice to talk to me was Angela, who hazarded a quiet "How're you doing, Bella?" as I switched my books between second and third period, Alice ever present at my side. I sent a prayer of thanks for at least one decent human being at my school heavenward before turning to her and replying with "Okay." She left without further comment or question, probably noticing that I wasn't going to be much for conversation. I loved that girl.

It took everything within me to resist looking at Edward during my morning classes, but I couldn't help smelling him. His heavenly aroma assaulted my nose relentlessly. Class after class, I would stare at the blackboard and do my best to focus on the lesson, but in 4th period all I could do was hold on to the desk and count backwards from two hundred. I was on the verge of covering him in kisses and begging him to never leave me again… or futilely trying to stab him with my No. 2 pencil. Not that either course of action would have done any good. He was too fast. I wouldn't get anywhere near him, either for amorous or violent ends. But I found myself wondering if, even though the stake-like aspect of the pencil would have no effect, maybe vampires were still susceptible to lead poisoning…

When the bell rang for lunch I bolted out of the classroom door where Alice waited. Edward could have beaten me or stopped me, but he didn't. And I was grateful, even though I suspected that I was only delaying the inevitable. Alice once again linked arms with me and steered me toward the lunch room, but on the way I realized that if we continued with our old routine, I would be sitting with Alice _and_ Edward. Though I hadn't eaten much for breakfast, the thought of sitting across the table from Edward for an entire lunch period caused my appetite to vanish instantaneously.

"Um, Alice…" I started. She nodded, pulled me into the girls' restroom - which, thankfully, was completely deserted – and led me to the bench that rested along the far wall.

"You wanna talk about it, Bella?" Alice inquired. While I would have loved to share my thoughts with Alice, I just couldn't get anything out. I was too busy trying not to throw up or faint or run out from school screaming.

She pressed her mouth into a hard line, patted my hand, and sat down beside me without another word. I knew Edward could become a statute, but Alice without movement was just …wrong. Usually, I thought that "The Flight of the Bumble Bee" should be her theme song. It was almost eerie how still she became, but I wasn't sure if I could handle Alice's usually flurry of activity, so I didn't mention it.

We sat there the entire lunch period, not moving or speaking until the bell for the next period rang.

"Thank you, Alice." I whispered after she guided me to my next class.

"No problem, Bella. See you in 55 minutes." She replied, and then dashed off to her class. At least I didn't have to worry about seeing Edward. Our 5th period was the only class that we didn't have together. When the school year started, this was the low point in my day, because I was without him. Now, I was glad I had a little extra time to fortify my nerves for the last two hours of the day when I would have to see his face again.

I spent 6th period as I had the morning, attempting to block anything Edward-related from my mind and using my hair as a wall to divide us. I couldn't concentrate on the lesson – who really cares about Calculus, when the guy of your dreams who happened to break your heart is sitting a foot away and staring at you?­ – so I thought of Alice instead. I was ecstatic that she was back, but with Edward returning too, my mind just couldn't focus properly. I felt so weak and even worse when I thought about how I was using Alice as a buffer…putting her in the middle between me and her brother. It wasn't fair to her.

By the time I made my way to 7th period with Alice, I was sick of myself. As Alice and I walked, I decided to give her a reprieve. She stopped and turned to me.

"I love you, Bella. I want to be there for you."

"I know. I love you too, but you should go now…"

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"Okay, I'll just meet you at your truck so we can go grocery shopping."

I nodded again, already in the middle of another internal pep talk.

Alice called to me just before she rounded the corner.

"Hey, Bella?"

I turned my head in her direction.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." She said with a small but genuine smile.

"Okay…" I replied quietly, trying to recall where I had heard that before as she turned toward her 7th period class and I continued on toward disaster.

***

Edward POV

I replaced the clothes I had hastily grabbed before my shower and dressed in Alice's selection; flat front khakis and a long sleeve T-shirt in a rich green hue. Her choice wasn't as bad as I had dreaded. The color of the shirt reminded me of my birth mother's eyes.

Once I had put on socks and shoes, I pushed up my sleeves, grabbed my keys, and proceeded down the stairs and out of the door to the garage as my family silently wished me well. Alice was already in the car. I hadn't seen my Volvo since I had left Forks and I was instantly assaulted with memories of Bella and me. I opened the door and could still smell faint traces of her scent on the upholstery.

"You look good, Edward." Alice said with a gentle smile.

"Yes, thanks." I mumbled in reply, Alice's voice bringing me back to the present.

"I'd offer to drive but I know you'll say no, so let's go…Bella is on her way to her truck right now."

I inhaled deeply as I got in, attempting to saturate my lungs with Bella's flavor. I had learned so much about her within the confines of the Volvo, and my mind was inundated with all of those blissful memories. As I drove to school, neither of us spoke. Instead, Alice started chapter 4 of Dracula and I played the conversation Bella and I had when I drove her back from Port Angeles more than a year ago. We pulled into the school parking lot with 10 minutes to spare; I quickly scanned the lot for Bella's truck, but we had beaten her there.

"I've missed seeing you laugh, Edward." Alice murmured. "Whatever allowed you to loosen up enough to laugh yesterday… try to find that today. This will be much more difficult if you brood in front of Bella."

I was silent for a moment as I contemplated Alice's words.

"Okay." I replied. We both knew that it would be a struggle, but I would do my best to oblige her; giving my best effort to anything that could correct this disastrous situation.

I parked the Volvo and got out, leaning against the car with every intention of waiting for Bella to arrive, psyching myself up to be as positive as possible. Alice came around the car and tugged on my arm toward the school.

"Go on, Edward."

"You said I had to wait to see Bella at school. Well, we're here." I replied, not moving a muscle, other than a flick of my wrist to acknowledge the sign stating we were at Forks High.

"Go to class and wait, Edward. Let her come to you. Don't try to talk to her, just let her get used to seeing you in her classes again."

"Alice, I want to see her as soon as she gets here and make sure she's alright."

"So watch her through me until she gets to class. It won't be long and you have almost all of the same classes, so you'll see her – with your own eyes – practically all day."

The look on Alice's face as she said the word "practically" gave me pause, but I had no reason to argue. If it would be better for Bella, I would do it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"Fine." I said and turned to go to class. Carlisle had set everything up this morning and neither Alice nor I had to change our schedules from those that we had at the beginning of the year. Just as the door of the building closed behind me, I heard the familiar roar of Bella's truck coming up the street. It took everything in me not to turn around and go to her, but I entered our first class of the day sitting in the exact same chair I had months earlier.

The gossip around school today was centered around my family's return to Forks, and what effect I would have on Bella. It seemed that the entire school had watched my beloved with bated breath as she broke down after my departure, and everyone was excited to see what kind of fireworks—good or bad—would ensue once she saw me again. Even the teachers were wary of how my presence might affect the events of the day. I studiously ignored all the thoughts of those around me, making a mental note to try and get Bella alone before I spoke to her. She would hate to have an emotional conversation in front of the entire student body and have more rumors fly than were necessary. Alice was right about letting Bella come to me.

Thinking of Alice brought her mind back to my attention. She continued reciting Dracula but it was a dull tone in the background, like a blanket that covered her inner most thoughts. Because of this, I was able to concentrate on seeing Bella through Alice's eyes quite easily.

My Bella. She was just as beautiful now as the first day I had seen her, even if it was through Alice's mind and not my own eyes. I loved her in blue, but purple also did wonderful things with Bella's complexion and hair color. My resolve was tested as I began to fidget, fighting to stay in my chair and take Alice's advice. Every fiber of my being longed to go to Bella right that second, hold her and never let go. They talked about spending time together as they made their way to the building and my heart broke to see the indecision in Bella's eyes. Each of their steps seemed to take forever and I was sure that the polar ice caps could melt and drown us all (well, all of the humans, anyway) before they arrived. Alice left Bella at the door and made her way to her own first period. I counted the seconds as I waited for her to reach for the door knob and walk back into my life. I heard my beloved take a deep breath then turn the knob and enter. Our eyes met and I had to fight harder to stay in my seat. She was here! I could see her! My dead heart leapt in my chest and I found myself with a genuine smile on my face… but it faltered when Bella abruptly tore her gaze from mine. Bella took her seat next to me, and her scent swirled around me, but, to my dismay, she refused to look in my direction, using her hair as a curtain to block my gaze as she had when we first met. To add insult to injury, she had a bracelet on her right wrist with a small wolf figure on it, which left me wondering just how involved she was with the Quileutes…I promised myself to talk to Alice about that at the next opportunity.

I wasn't able to smile for the rest of the morning. With each period, I sunk deeper and deeper into despair. Bella refused to look me or even acknowledge my presence. On the way to lunch, I renewed my hope, thinking that perhaps I could catch her attention more easily outside of the classroom setting, but she didn't even come into the lunchroom, opting instead to spend the entire break in the girls' restroom with Alice. I tried to get more information out of Alice's head at that point, but she wouldn't let me. All I could do was watch Bella's facial expressions as the soundtrack to Rent played in the background of my sister's mind. After ten minutes, I left the cafeteria and spent the remaining time waiting for 5th period to come and go so I could see Bella again in 6th.

The afternoon passed the same as the morning, with Bella avoiding me completely, despite spending entire periods just inches from my side. After the last bell rang, I let Bella leave with the rest of the class, doing my best to give her space. Though I had already decided that I would spend the night outside of her house again, I wanted her to know that I wouldn't force a conversation on her if she wasn't ready. After the last student left, I slowly counted to ten, then gathered my belongings and made my way out of the room. I turned the corner with every intention of heading straight to my car and convincing Alice that going to sit outside of Bella's house again was a good idea.

Then I saw my Bella. She was banging her forehead against her locker and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and fix whatever was upsetting her, but I wasn't sure how to go about it without making the situation worse.

Alice was sure that Bella still loved me, but Bella hadn't said a word to me all day, avoided me at lunch, and hadn't even looked in my direction since that first time this morning. What if Alice was wrong? It didn't happen often, but that didn't mean it was impossible.

Either way, Bella had to know. I would leave her alone, if that's what she needed, but I couldn't go any longer without _trying. _After I spoke to her, then I would go back to giving her space… but she had to know. I couldn't bear to see her and wonder if she realized how much I loved her.

"I have to talk to her, Alice. If she doesn't want anything to do with me afterward, then I'll give her space." I muttered under my breath to Alice, who was just outside the building.

_Yeah, sure you will. It's not like I can stop you…but let it be on record that I said this was a BAD idea…_

This is it. I had to tell Bella how much I needed her, how stupid I was for leaving in the first place. I took a deep breath, inhaling her scent and using its euphoric effects to fortify my resolve, closed the distance between us then began.

"Bella, I—" was all I got out before she cut me off.

"Just stop, Edward… I know what you're going to say… you really don't need to worry about me. Yes, I jumped off a cliff, but it was for… recreational purposes… and… I don't plan on doing anything reckless again." She said, without even lifting her head from her locker.

"Well, that _is_ something I wanted to speak to you about—"

"Well, now you don't have to." She said quietly as she turned to go. I could hear Alice begin to pace just outside the doors of the building. She repeatedly, though silently, called "_Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!"_ as I caught Bella's arm. I gently turned my beloved so that I could finally see her face, though she kept her eyes resolutely on my shoes.

"Bella, that isn't the only thing I have to talk to you about. In the meadow yesterday—"

Pain streaked across Bella's face.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you Edward."

"You don't have to apologize, Bella. I was wrong."

The admission of my guilt caused Bella's eyes to meet mine for the second time that day. Her lips parted, forming the most beautiful look of surprise on her face. I yearned to kiss her, but a small voice in the back of my head (that sounded suspiciously like Alice) advised against it, so I continued speaking instead.

"Bella, I never should have left you. I thought I was doing what was best for you by leaving. I hoped to protect you from my world, but all I seemed to do is cause you pain. I love you, Bella, and I _beg_ you to forgive me for my grievous mistakes." I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it gently, then held my breath as I gazed hopefully into her eyes and waited for my beloved's reply.

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Well, Kell said you guys were gonna hate me for that cliffie…if you do, why not tell me about it in a review or in the thread at twilighted? Then we can discuss where the story is going in chapter 12…in fact, I will send the quote for chapter 12 to the first 5 people to post in the twilighted thread

The link to the thread is on my profile…happy posting/reviewing


	12. Chapter 12

UPDATE: I had to rearrange this chapter and the next so that it flows better. Chapter 13 will be up as soon as I find the right quote :) If you don't like Jake, just skip to chapter 13, lol!

Okay, so I'm super duper sorry for the cliffie last chapter. I honestly didn't realize it would take so long for the update, but my thoughts were jumbled for a while, then Kell got super busy (and I really didn't think it would be right of me to upload the craziness that is an unbeta-ed Seeing Red...trust me on this.)

Anyway, Chapter 12 thank yous...

KELLY...I don't know what I would do without you. Everybody's life gets busy, so no bigs ;) Seeing Red wouldn't be the same without your input.

CassieCullen and Sparky Poo...seriously, your enthusiasm is awesome! Thanks for checking in on my progress with this chapter and the story in general.

Twi-soulmates and other minions...as always, you continue to be amazingly sweet.

New readers and faithfuls...THANK YOU and I hope you continue to enjoy the ride

BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!

Disclaimer: As always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight...

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_A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth._

Aesop

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"_Bella, I never should have left you. I thought I was doing what was best for you by leaving. I hoped to protect you from my world, but all I seemed to do is cause you pain. I love you, Bella, and I beg you to forgive me for my grievous mistakes." I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it gently, then held my breath as I gazed hopefully into her eyes and waited for my beloved's reply._

Chapter 12

Bella POV

_He never should have left me…_

_He thought he was doing what was best for me…_

_He loves me…_

_I must have banged my head harder than I thought…, _I mused, turning my gaze from Edward to my locker, in search of the tell-tale indentations that my head must have made in the thin metal, but there were none.

My confusion grew. I closed my eyes as I allowed his words to roll around in my head until they finally made some semblance of sense.

Obviously, he thought I was lying. He was making all of this up so that I wouldn't do something dangerous…somehow he knew that I was doing it because I wanted to be close to him.

_He's only saying all of this because he thinks I'm going to hurt myself…how stupid does he think I am?_

"Edward, I'm not stupid, and I wasn't lying." I started, as I gently tugged my hand from his grasp. "And I really don't plan on doing anything reckless again. You don't have to tell me you love me as a means to try and protect me. I get that jumping off of a cliff wasn't the smartest idea."

_Where the hell is Alice?_ I thought, as I tried to leave for the second time.

I was almost out of Edward's grasp before he caught me and spun me to face him again.

"Bella, I wasn't just saying that to protect you. I love you...truly. I can't understand how you would have ever believed the horrendous things I said to you when I left, but I was lying then. It was the only way to get you to let me go. I was attempting to tell you all this in the meadow, but you wouldn't let me get it out." His eyes flashed with a hint of angry frustration.

The emotions I had been struggling with all day bubbled up, but then, just as quickly as they had flared, they were gone. Suddenly, I felt numb. It was like I was devoid of any feeling whatsoever, except the desire to be alone. If I didn't know any better I would think Jasper was nearby. All of turmoil inside of me was held at bay, practically iced over.

"Bella, please say something." Edward whispered. This time the frustration was blatantly obvious.

"This is unreal…" I breathed as I realized that his words were almost the same as what he had said to me in the meadow…in the dream that wasn't a dream. My voice lacked any emotion at all.

"I'm an idiot, Bella, but I swear to you that I thought I was doing what was best for you… to protect you from me."

Those words brought with them a flicker of emotion, and something within me began fighting to come to the surface.

"Protect me…" I repeated quietly, taking a deep breath. With my eyes now back on my Chucks, I replied in an equally surprising steady voice.

"Yes—I would never have hurt you if I didn't think it was the only way. I'm so sor—"

"Don't say it." I cut him off. In my head I was shrieking, but in reality my voice was a low murmur, not loud, but definitely not dead anymore. It felt like a fog was working its way into my brain, but I kept trying to push it back. "I can't deal with you right now…" I continued, gently removing my hand from his grasp.

"But Bella we need to talk –"

"No, we don't. You've said enough." I replied, daring to look Edward in the eye. It was hard to qualify the emotion I was experiencing. It was distant, but definitely strong. I refused to say another word out loud, but a voice in my head kept speaking.

_I can't take anymore of this right now, Edward…I've gotta get out of here…_

Though, I knew he couldn't read my mind, I almost questioned it because he didn't say another word. He stood completely still as I grabbed my bag and left. As I made my way to my truck, I remembered my after school plans. Unfortunately for Charlie, the groceries would have to wait. I needed to be alone, even if it was just for a little while.

Alice wasn't by my truck as she said she would be. Instead, there was a note on my windshield.

**Bella,**

**Go ahead. Be Safe. I love you. Call me if you need to talk. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't forget your promise.**

**- Alice**

_God bless that little pixie_…

I threw my bag to the passenger's side and revved my poor truck's engine. The school parking lot was empty—for which fact, I was extremely grateful—but I held back my tears anyway as I started the Chevy and pulled out. I couldn't go home. Charlie would be back soon and I didn't want to breakdown again in front of him. Plus, there were too many memories of Edward in that house and I might end up grabbing Charlie's chainsaw from the garage and going to town on everything that Edward had ever touched. I needed to be away from Edward for a while, and there was only one place that wasn't tainted by his ghost.

I made a left at the next light and headed out of the Forks city limits.

***

Edward POV

I heard Alice whip out her cell phone as I watched my beloved consider my words.

"Jasper, we need you." She said hurriedly, and then hung up. A moment later, I heard Jasper's faint footfalls as he crossed the tree line.

_Whoa! What the hell…_ he thought as he attempted to sort out all of the emotions that assaulted him once he got within range of Bella and me. Fear, anger, self-loathing, love, lust, dread…immediately, Jasper was at Alice's side.

"Don't do anything, Jasper. I deserve whatever she throws at me." I whispered at vampiric speed while Bella was distracted, though I wasn't sure what she could have been looking for. If her reaction in the meadow was any indication of what her reaction was going to be, I deserved it. I would suffer any punishment my angel saw fit, as long as she didn't ask me to leave her. If it was possible to be filleted alive, I would welcome it. I was glad that at least this time I had been able to get everything I wanted to say out…well, not everything. I would save the discussion about Victoria and Bella's relationship with the wolves for later.

"I can't really do too much, darlin', even if I could touch her…she's gonna blow like Mt. Vesuvius..." Jasper mumbled to Alice, though of course I heard him. Bella's eyes had traveled to her locker so I was safe to speak again.

"Leave her alone, Jas." I whispered quickly.

"No, no, no, no, no!" squealed Alice. "Do whatever you can, Jasper. She won't want me there when this is over and I don't want her driving in the state she's about to be in."

Bella began to speak again, reclaiming my full attention.

"Edward, I'm not stupid and I wasn't lying. I really don't plan on doing anything reckless again. You don't have to tell me you love me as a means to try and protect me. I get that jumping off of a cliff wasn't the smartest idea."

She didn't believe me…she didn't _believe_ me?!

It took a moment for the reality of the situation to sink in. I was finally able to get all of the words out of my mouth that I had been holding inside of myself since I left her in the forest and for some reason, she was insulted. I couldn't follow her logic. How had my words been construed into a judgment of her intellect?

"Bella, I wasn't just saying that to protect you. I love you...so much. I can't understand how you would have ever believed the horrendous things I said to you when I left, but I was lying then. It was the only way to get you to let me go. I was attempting to tell you all this in the meadow, but you wouldn't let me get it out…Bella, please say something." I pleaded, though my frustration was too strong to hide.

"This is unreal…" Bella murmured. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or herself, but either way, I had to finish my explanation while I had the chance. I had to do my best to make her understand before she shut me out, even though being shut out was what my atrocious actions warranted.

"I'm an idiot, Bella, but I swear to you that I thought I was doing what was best for you….to protect you from me."

"Protect me…" she muttered, again looking at her shoes. The girl owned my soul—if I had one—but she wouldn't even look at me. I didn't think it was possible to feel more desperate, but, in an instant, I was.

_Too much…too much…too much! _Alice's thoughts called to me from outside, but I tuned them out, matching them with my own mantra of_ She could be wrong, she could be wrong, she could be wrong…_

I wasn't entirely sure that Bella was speaking to me, but I thought it best to respond to her anyway.

"Yes, I would never have hurt you if I didn't think it was the only way. I'm so sor – "

"Don't say it. I can't deal with you right now…" she said, after cutting me off yet again.

"But Bella we need to talk – "

"No, we don't. You've said enough." My beloved responded, cutting off my plea. I couldn't believe it. There had to be something I was missing. Did she want me to beg? Should I get down on my knees? Prostrate myself before her?

At once, Alice spoke from outside.

"I'm warning you, Edward Cullen. Move another muscle, and you'll lose her for good."

She spoke with such conviction that, had I been in my right mind, her tone would have been enough to give me pause. This time it was not. It was the tortured look in Bella's eyes combined with Jasper's thought.

_My God, I would never wish that level of turmoil on anyone…_

Jasper had steadily been draining Bella's emotions: self-loathing, fear, anger, love and desire, among others. Had it not been for my brother, I could only imagine what she would be going through…what I would have been putting her through. Alice's words came back to me and I was frozen. I have survived many things, but nothing compared to watching Bella walk away from me. It was the single most excruciating event of my existence. She didn't even look back. I stayed in place, watching Bella through Alice and Jasper, who hid in trees as Bella made her way to her truck. As soon as she left the parking lot, I sprinted toward my Volvo and Alice and Jasper met me there.

"Edward, will you ever learn to listen me?" Alice questioned, shaking her head as she climbed into the backseat with Jasper. I couldn't answer. She was right _again_, and we all knew it, but I didn't have the strength to acknowledge it. Jasper was quiet also, but for different reasons. It was taking all of his strength and concentration to deal with the emotions he'd drained from Bella.

"Jasper," I started. "If you need an outlet, you can give them to me. This isn't your burden to bear."

_No._

"It's not like I can't hear it all through your thoughts."

_Hearing it is very different from feeling it, and I will not knowingly inflict this on anyone._

I drove home on autopilot, focusing most of my attention on Jasper as he sorted through the emotional havoc that was now swimming in his brain. Alice held his hand throughout. I pulled to a stop in front of our house, but no one got out of the car.

"I'm going to her, Alice. You know I've already decided not to approach her again until she engages me – "

"You mean, like I've been saying all along?" There was no anger in Alice's voice, just exasperation.

"Yes."

"Well, she won't be home for a while and I have some shopping to do. How about you let me borrow the Volvo while you wait for her?"

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked as panic started to seep in. Jasper's funneling of Bella's emotions would only work for so long. I had assumed she would go home. If she was out and about when they grew strong again, she could endanger herself.

"She needed to be away from you…from all of us for a while. She went to the beach."

"Which beach, Alice? I can watch her and make sure she's okay without being seen…" I trailed off, already planning possible vantage points near the local beaches that would keep Bella in my line of sight without placing me in hers.

"It's no use, Edward. She's going to a beach I've never seen before."

There was only one beach that Alice hadn't explored within a 60-mile radius.

A beach that also happened to be where the wild things were…literally.

"You let her go to First Beach?! She could be killed!"

"Edward, I can still see her, which means she's fine and she has no plans to meet any of the wolves as of yet." Alice opened her mind to me so that I could see Bella sitting on a fallen tree and staring out into the ocean. Her eyes held a sadness that I hadn't seen since I told her she was no good for me months ago. Jasper got out of the car.

_I can't handle much more right now._ He thought, defeated.

Alice watched him go, but did not move to follow.

"So…can I borrow the car?"

"Alice, we have several cars. Why must you use mine?"

Alice shut her mind to me again, this time by calculating the square root of pi.

"I prefer this one. You know I like shiny things and I could use the trunk space…Please?"

I sighed. I may not be able to get to Bella without breaking the treaty, but I could wait for her to come back over the line. And I wouldn't need my car for that.

"Okay, Alice…I'll just run to the line from here and wait for her."

Alice hopped out of the backseat and was at my door in an instant, bouncing on the balls of her feet while she waited for me to hand over my keys.

***

Jake POV

The whole day ended up resulting in one disastrous revelation after another. It took everything I had to let Bella go to school without me. I knew she was strong enough to handle it—stupid leech never gave her enough credit—but should anyone really _have_ to be that strong? I turned my back on her and ran full tilt into the woods to phase before I changed my mind, cursing the bloodsucker with every step. Embry, Sam, Jared and Leah were present in my mind and caught the tail end of my tirade.

_…assholesonofabitchleech!_

Embry: _Well, hello to you too, Jake._

Leah:_ Nice, Jake, I like that one…I'll have to find a way to use it sometime…_

Sam: _Jake, phase out. Go to school. We have some things to discuss when you get back this afternoon._

If Leah hadn't been in my head, I would have tried to argue, but in all honesty, school would be a welcome alternative to Leah. Before I phased, I did manage to think, _Oh Leah? Thanks._

_For what?_

_For being the most effective hard-on deflator this side of the continental U.S._ I replied, as snarkily as I could, while playing that particular scene from last night in my head.

Before she could reply, I phased as the rest of the pack's chortles echoed in my head. I got ready in a hurry. The run from Bella's hadn't taken long, but I was still low on time, so I showered and dressed in ten minutes flat. I ran to the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief. Dad had ordered pizza last night. I wondered where he was as I grabbed a few cold slices and stuffed my face. I made my way out of the front door, and Embry was on my front step, waiting for me.

Embry, Quil and I had walked to school together since the 3rd grade. A tradition which only shifted after Embry began phasing, leaving Quil and me to march on without him. When I started phasing too, Quil was left to walk alone. Embry had opted to take classes online instead of going to Tribal school, but after I joined the pack he began walking with me again. It eased my transition a little, but whenever Quil saw us together I could tell that he was hurt. I didn't want him to phase—wolfing out wasn't exactly the future I would wish on my best friend—but I also realized that it was the only way to fix this rift in our relationship.

"I take it you had a rough night." Embry greeted me with one eyebrow cocked as he rose to walk beside me.

"Yeah, you could say that. Bella's was worse, though."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, really. He just did a number on her." I answered, exhaling deeply. Embry cared about Bella, but I didn't feel right about giving him too many details. He seemed to understand and we walked in silence for a while before I changed the subject.

"So what does Sam want to talk about tonight?"

"We got some news yesterday."

"News? What kind of news?"

"Sam went to talk to the vamps to make sure you weren't going to start a supernatural World War 3."

"I told him it was fine."

"Yeah, but can you blame him for wanting to check? Anyway, they'd wanted to speak to us anyway. Apparently, trouble might be on its way."

"Now what?" I really didn't see how this clusterfuck of a situation could get any worse.

"I don't know, man. It's a lot. Maybe we should wait until school's out."

"Did Sam tell you not to tell me?"

"No…"

"Then fill me in. With everything going on with Bella today, I won't be able to concentrate anyway."

"The redhead left to get reinforcements…" Embry proceeded to tell me that royal bloodsuckers were probably coming to kill the love of my life. I froze as my mind tried to figure out a way out of this. Embry let me until the bell rang.

"Dude, you gotta go." He muttered under his breath as he shoved me in the direction of my homeroom. The look of panic must have blatant, because he added, "Jake, you know we'll stop it if we can. It's not even for sure yet. Go to class. We'll talk about it after school. Don't add expulsion to all of the other issues the pack has to deal with."

I gulped, nodded, and made my way to Mrs. Foster's homeroom. The hall was noisy as I passed, but it became a distant buzzing in the background. I walked into class just before the tardy bell rang and did my habitual scan of the room for Quil. Even though I wasn't allowed to hang with him anymore, it was a comfort to see him in class every morning to make sure he was okay. He was never late—his mom would have his hide—so the fact that he wasn't in his usual seat by the window was yet another weight on my already heavy mind. But I pushed it aside for the time being, I took my seat and immediately began to brainstorm. Unfortunately, all I could come up with was _grab Bella and run. _There were just too many things we didn't know. I wasn't sure the pack could fight them off 'cause we didn't know how many there were. I wasn't even sure the pack would help me, since Embry had mentioned that Sam's priority was La Push and Forks. Sometimes I almost wish I had accepted my birthright. If I was Alpha, at least I wouldn't have to wonder if the pack was going to help or not. I waited until the rest of the class had left before getting up and approaching Mrs. Foster's desk.

"Where's Quil, Mrs. Foster?"

"He's not feeling well today. His mother called in and said he has a fever."

_Great...fucking great,_ I thought as I made my way to 1st block. _It could just be the flu…or pneumonia…please, God, let it be pneumonia._

And that's how I passed the day, fluctuating between worry for Bella and dread for Quil. At 2:45, I bolted out the door. Embry was outside waiting for me, as usual. When I didn't stop, he fell in step beside me silently. We stripped as soon as we hit the tree line, phasing mid-stride.

_Is it the stuff with Bella or something else?_

I let my mind run through the short conversation I had had with Ms. Foster this morning, while I tried to figure out if I should go check on Bella or Quil first.

_Wow…I guess it won't be long now._

_It could be the flu, Em_…I argued half heartedly.

_Yeah, man…it could be…_Em replied, just as dejected as I was. That's when I noticed that Leah, Sam and Jared were phased as well. Leah and Jared were uncharacteristically silent. I guess the possibility of Quil joining our ranks was jarring for all of us, not just Em and me. We've known he was running hot for a few days now, but he'd had yet to miss school.

_Jake, go find Bella. I want to talk to her. Maybe she knows something that can help us._ Sam could have commanded me, but he knew he didn't have to. As I took off in the direction of Forks High, he turned his attention to Embry.

_Em, go check on Quil. Stay in wolf form, but don't let him see you…just in case we're wrong._

I phased after that. I couldn't handle worrying about all of this at once, so I concentrated on Bella. By the time I got to Forks High, Bella was in her truck and leaving. Some of the bloodsuckers were still there, but I didn't want to talk to them, so I took a short cut to Bella's house, figuring I would beat her there.

And I did—I waited for half an hour before I remembered that she had said she was going grocery shopping. I hightailed it to Thriftway and scanned the parking lot.

No sign of Swan.

_I should have just followed her truck_, I sighed. I decided to make my way back to La Push. Bella had said she would call when she got out of school. At the very least, I could find out where she was that way. I wouldn't mention the stuff about the redheaded leech. Even if the Cullens had said something already, it wasn't really something I felt right discussing over the phone. Bella was bound to be broken up about it, and she always seemed to deal with things better when I was with her. Not that I'm full of myself or anything, but it was just one of the many of the observations I had made in the last few months.

I looked down to find Bella sitting at the uprooted tree – our tree, as I had come to call it in my head – and experienced an uncanny sense of deja vu. My mind flashed to a very similar scene a few months ago, to the morning after I had tried to get her to remember the stories about my tribe...the stories that turned out to be true. I was so scared that she would be disgusted with me when she figured it out. That I would lose her. My life had seemed to be in a tailspin at the time and, as crazy as it seemed, it seemed much worse now.

I hadn't lost her then, but I might this time. Foreign bloodsuckers that were creepier than your average leech were on the way, and they didn't care that this whole mess wasn't Bella's fault...or that I loved her. Worse yet, Edward was back. I could tell from the slump of Bella's shoulders that the school day had been just as bad, if not worse than I had feared. The worst part of the whole situation wasn't even that she could die at the hand of royal leeches...it was that she could actually choose to be with Edward after all the crap he had put her through. I would like to think that she was over him and that I had nothing to worry about, but I wasn't completely delusional. I could tell as soon as I heard her screaming at him in the meadow. She still loved him. Even after he shattered her and she spent months holding herself like a nut.

The only thing I wasn't sure of was how to fight it. Bella didn't seem to notice too much, but she was a different person when she was around me than when she was around the leeches. I can't be sure about how she is with Edward, but from what I've seen of her with Alice, it's like she would age exponentially. When it was just us, there was lightness to her demeanor, but whenever a bloodsucker was within a 20 foot radius of Bella, it seemed like joviality was hard to come by. Sure, Alice made Bella laugh, but the laughter was always weighted down. Probably with the heartache that Edward had left in his wake when he left her high and dry, and yet, for all that, I still couldn't be sure that she wouldn't take him back. I approached her cautiously, remembering that she probably hadn't heard me yet.

"Hey, Bells...are you okay?"

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So, that wasn't such a big cliffie, right? Chapter 13 is about halfway done now, so it shouldn't take nearly as long to update.

As always, reviews are appreciated :)

Feel free to join us on the thread and check out the playlist...Kell and I are pretty proud of it and there are teaser songs for future chapters

Links are in my profile


	13. Chapter 13

**WAIT! I added a Jake POV to chapter 12 and moved the beach part of Bella's POv to this chapter...If you're not a He-man Jacob hater, go back and read his POV so you can get the joke in Bella's...if not, read on...**

Thank yous...

EVERYONE! Thank you for your patience! I really appreciate it!

I ended up staring at this chapter for days and I probably would have lost my mind without all the support from my [t20s] (even the ones who are only fans in spirit, lol!)

Kell...I have no words...awesomeness...as always. thank you for continuing to make my jibberish understandable...it should count as community service, lol!

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_Some misfortunes we bring upon ourselves; others are completely beyond our control. But no matter what happens to us, we always have some control over what we do about it._

-_Suzy Szasz_

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Chapter 13

Alice POV

Edward handed me the keys and ran into the woods only throwing a quick "Don't scratch my baby!" over his shoulder. I got in the driver's seat and put the key in the ignition. Edward must have been really worried about Bella to have let me drive his precious car without more resistance. Before Bella, he drove the Volvo because it was less ostentatious than any other car he would have preferred. Now, it held more sentimental value than almost any other thing he possessed. Not only did Bella's scent linger on the upholstery, but some of his favorite memories of her were contained within its confines. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that he felt her presence strongest there, only second to her home. I don't even think he tried to glean information from my thoughts before he left, though I kept up my Shakespearian play running through in my head. Three witches were double-double-toil-and-trouble-ing when I got a flash of Jasper coming back out of the house. Edward had just past through the tree line when my vision caught-up with real time. Jasper immediately made his way to the car and the passenger seat.

"Sorry, darlin'. With Carlisle and Esme fretting, it's not much better in there. You mind if I keep you company for a while?"

"I never mind. You know that." I replied as I kissed him gently on the cheek. "I have some errands to run, but you can drive around until I finish."

"What errands do you need to run?"

"I need to go grocery shopping." I replied with a grin as I threw the Volvo into reverse and headed to downtown Forks.

***

Bella POV

First Beach was deserted. I wasn't sure why there wasn't a soul in sight. It was a beautiful day – overcast, as is the way of Forks, but you could tell the sun was in the sky – so I parked the truck and made my way down to the beach.

_Maybe God doesn't hate me…_

_Nah, not hate… just intense dislike_

Tears fell down my cheeks and the rage within me grew as I drifted to the fallen tree I normally shared with Jake and sat down. I stared blankly at the ocean as I tried to calm myself.

I wanted to punch Edward square in the jaw. _How is it fair that he has this power over me?_

"Hey, Bells...are you okay?"

"Okay…" I repeated with an angry chuckle as Jacob approached me. I probably should have been pissed that he snuck up on me, but I was awash with relief instead. As my best friend copped a squat beside me, I turned and hugged him fiercely. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts anymore, and I needed more Jake like Christopher Walken needed more cow bell.

"Bella, why are you crying? What the hell did he do to you?" Jake questioned as I buried myself in his embrace.

"Edward didn't _do_ anything; he just thinks I'm an idiot.", I said bluntly, figuring I might as well get it out there before I broke down completely. Jake just looked at me incredulously for a moment.

"Why don't you tell me exactly what happened today?" he said gently as he released me from the hug. I regarded the gentle rolling of the ocean's waves, but kept a hold on Jake's hand as I proceeded to relay the gruesome events of my day.

"It just doesn't make any sense…" I muttered after I had completed my account. Jake was quiet for a few moments as we both stared out into the ocean, which was nice, but surprising. I had expected him to threaten Edward or crack some sort of joke at the least, but Jake seemed to have just as much on his mind as I did. I mentally berated myself. What kind of friend was I, who hadn't even asked about his day? I hadn't even really found out what was new with the pack since Edward had returned. I turned my gaze from the water to my best friend and gave his warm hand a comforting squeeze.

"Enough about me. What's new with the pack?" I asked.

"Do you have time to come to my house for a little while? Sam wants to talk to you."

"Um…" was all I could say for a moment, Jake's random reply having caught me off guard. It wasn't like Sam and I were old friends. If he wanted to speak to me, it was probably about something important. Maybe the wolves had news about Victoria. I looked at my best friend's face more closely. He seemed worried, but not we-might-be-attacked-by-evil-vampires-at-any-moment worried. _Whatever it was, maybe I could help_…I thought. _Besides, it would be nice to think about things that didn't confuse me, like Edward._

"Yeah, sure…" I said with a small smile, as I stood and began the trek back to my truck. I expected that Jacob was following me, but I was mistaken.

"Bells?" Jacob called. I turned around to find that he was still standing beside the tree.

"Yeah, Jake?"

"It would be a lot quicker if I just carried you."

"The last time you carried me, you nearly gave me a heart attack." I replied, remembering the terrifying trip down the stairs at my house the day before… had that really only been 24 hours ago?

"Trust me."

"What about my truck?"

"I'll bring you back when you're ready to leave. Besides, you know nobody's gonna steal it…." He scoffed, as he opened his arms to me. I sighed—the guy had a point. After a quick "Don't kill us, Jake," I headed toward his arms.

"What's this about?" I questioned.

"Sam said you would know already…have the Cullens not told you?"

I stopped in my tracks. All hope that this conversation would distract me form Edward vanished, but confusion replaced it.

"Told me what, Jake?" I asked as I wondered what the Cullens wouldn't tell me that the wolves would instead. Other than Alice, they had only been back in town for 48 hours…what could I have missed?

Jacob sighed, muttering under his breath before replying to me loud enough for me to hear.

"Come on. It's probably best if Sam's there to explain. He and Embry heard it from the source."

I eyed my best friend suspiciously. I didn't know much about the pack, but I did know that what one pack member knew, the whole pack knew. Anything Sam knew should have been easy for Jake to explain. There had to be another reason for Jake's trepidation, and though it filled me with dread, I couldn't really see how my day could get any worse. He swooped me up and held me against his bare chest as he broke into a sprint toward La Push. The trip was surprisingly smooth. I couldn't even make out the sound of Jake's footfalls. Jake's warmth and earthy smell cocooned around me, staving off any and all thoughts of Edward Cullen, much to my relief. Before I knew it, we entered Jake's minuscule front lawn, and he set me carefully on the front porch. I hadn't been able to see his face while he ran, but once he set me down I turned to examine him carefully. His brow was furrowed deeply and his chest heaved. There was no way the short run had worn him out, so the only other explanation was that something was weighing on him, and the fact that he wouldn't talk to me about it only served to make me more anxious.

We stepped inside and found that most of the pack had gathered, along with a few others. Embry was on the floor, next to Jared. On the couch sat Leah and Seth Clearwater. I didn't know them very well, but their father, Harry, had been good friends with Charlie, so I had seen them enough to know that Seth was about fourteen and Leah was just a little bit older than me. Sam was standing in the midst of it all, arms folded. He didn't look angry, but there was tension in his shoulders. Embry, Jared, and Seth smiled softly at me as Jake and I entered. I waved to Billy, who sat in the doorway to the kitchen, then stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. The only options left were to sit in the recliner in the corner, on the floor in the little patch of space between Jared and Embry, or stand.

"You might wanna sit down for this, Bells." Jake said quietly. I was concerned before, but as Jake's warm hand guided me to the recliner, my anxiety increased tenfold. I took my seat, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, just in case I needed to hold myself together. Jacob remained standing at my side, his hand not leaving my shoulder. That small reminder was enough for me to take a deep breath and meet Sam's gaze.

"Jake says there's something I should know…?"

"Did you talk to any of the Cullens in the last day or so?" Sam questioned.

I snorted, which I fully expected to illicit a laugh from Jake and Embry at the very least, but the room remained eerily quiet. "Yeah, we spoke, but it wasn't about… anything…" I wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. _Big? Important? That mattered?_ None of those options seemed appropriate. Sam looked from me to Jake with an arched eyebrow.

"She doesn't know anything, Sam. You're going to have to start from the beginning." Jake squeezed my shoulder gently as Sam took a breath and spoke again.

"It's the redhead."

"Victoria." I breathed. The cold that emanated from my scar seemed to spread slowly through my body, Jake's warm palm the only thing that kept it from taking over.

"Yeah, we spoke to the bloo—_Cullens_—yesterday morning." Embry said, correcting himself hastily after a sharp look from Sam. "Apparently, she skipped town."

I inhaled and slouched a little further into the recliner, as relief washed through me. Unfortunately, my stupid brain just had to mull the revelation over. _That's great news!_ _Why wouldn't Jake have told me that himself? _

…_because there was more._

Sam continued after I'd taken a moment to process the information.

"Bella, they said she was going to go talk to a group of vampires they call 'the Volturi'. The Cullens made it seem like the Volturi aren't the average. Do you know anything about them, Bella? Do they have a weakness?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, like kryptonite…" Embry added with a quirked eyebrow. The fact that Embry was considering the same superhero stories for clues that I had when I was first trying to figure out Edward's secret was not lost on me, but I could not laugh. My nerves were stretched too thin at that moment to appreciate the irony in his comment. Edward's words washed over me.

…_nighttime patrons of the arts…the closest thing our world has to a royal family…_

"I don't know anything other than that they are supposed to be some kind of vampire royalty. Why are you so interested? What's the big deal if Victoria goes to talk to them?"

"Well—"

Leah snickered as she cut Sam off. "Apparently, you're not supposed to know about bloodsuckers, and when the assholesonofabitchleech told you, he broke some sort of rule…" she winked at Jake, God only knows why, as she continued with heavy sarcasm, "…'cause vamps apparently have _rules_." Sam gave her a look that clearly said she was out of line, and Seth elbowed her roughly, but otherwise, the rest of the pack remained silent. And all eyes remained on me.

I wanted to defend Edward, but after having been tortured by his presence and then hurt by his lies just a few hours before, I couldn't find it in me at that moment. A small part of me was also pretty impressed that she could say all those cuss words in one breath. They just rolled off of her tongue like a foreign language.

"I get that part, Sam. But I don't understand why they're coming in the first place." I asked.

_What good would it do Victoria to go talk to vampires who liked to go to the opera and commission paintings?_ It wasn't making any sense until I heard Edward's voice again.

…_you don't irritate the Volturi…not unless you want to die…_

"The little one says that the Volturi are going to come here to…punish Edward…and you." Sam said, choosing his words a little too carefully for my liking. I took a moment to process that. Punishment. What could be worse than the months without Edward that I had already suffered?

"They said there is a possibility that these vampires will attack the town. We want to protect you, Bella, but our first priority is La Push and Forks." Sam continued, pulling me from my thoughts. Jake's hand tightened on my shoulder, shaking ever so slightly. I understood Sam's point of view, but I guessed that this part of the story was news to Jacob. I reached up and placed my hand over his. As soon as I made contact, his hand stilled, but I knew he was still upset. Hopefully, he and Sam could work this out later. I would hate to be the cause for dissention in the ranks.

"Well, that's it, I guess." Sam said. I got up slowly and made my way to the door, Jake following behind me silently. I turned back just before I crossed the threshold,

"I understand the pack's responsibilities, Sam. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know." I said. In my peripheral vision, I saw Leah roll her eyes, obviously not impressed with my offer. I didn't blame her. I didn't have any supernatural powers, but if there was anything that I could do to help, I was prepared to do it. For my part, I didn't get why she, or Seth for that matter, were even at the meeting. _It wasn't like she had any experience with vampires and she shouldn't even know about the pack…maybe since her father died, she and Seth were in on the secret for some reason… _

"We will, Bella. Thank you." Sam said, cutting off my train of thought. With that, I was out the door. Jake picked me up once we were on off of his front porch. I didn't protest; just let myself sink into the heat of his chest while I replayed the conversation with Sam and the pack in my head.

_The little one…Alice_. Sam had said they had spoken yesterday morning. Alice had known about this the whole day. Why wouldn't she have told me? Granted, I was a wreck, but apparently there were bigger issues than Edward Cullen thinking I was an idiot. I would have to call her once I got home. Maybe she could shed light on what I was now up against.

"Hey, Bells? Will we be having another sleepover tonight?" Jake questioned, probably trying to lighten the dark mood that seemed to have formed a bubble around us. I looked up to realize that we were back at First Beach already, my truck only a foot away.

"I don't think so, Jake…what if Charlie actually walked into my room this time?" I replied as he set me down carefully on the dirt. Jake opened the door of my Chevy for me and I climbed in.

"I don't care what Sam says, Bella. I won't let them touch you." My best friend said quietly, but firmly as he shut my door. I guess even he was having a hard time keeping the mood light.

"I know that, Jake, but Sam has a point. The whole purpose of you guys being able to change is so that you can protect everyone, not just me."

"To me, Bella, you _are_ everyone."

I would have asked him about Billy or his sisters or the pack, but I could see from the look in his eyes that arguing would be pointless. The hopelessness of the entire situation hit me all at once.

"Don't forget, Bells." Jake sighed as he tugged on my bracelet, causing it to spin around my wrist.

"I won't, Jake."

"Oh! And Bella? Remind me to add better music to your iPod. Right now, it's a little slit-your-wrists-esque. That shit's not healthy."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jake. I don't even have an iPod. But if I ever scrap together enough money to buy one, you have first choice on the music I add to it…just no gangsta rap, k?" I called as I waved through the window of my truck, then threw my truck into reverse and made my way home casting one last look at Jake's confused face in my rearview mirror.

…

I entered the house and was immediately wary. The most delectable aroma swirled in the air around me, and my stomach growled ferociously. _Had Charlie been cooking? And if so, could it possibly be as edible as it smelled?_ My stomach began to pitch a fit, demanding that I sample whatever the source of the aroma, no matter who cooked it…I told my stomach to be careful what it wished for.

After taking a deep breath and pulling back my shoulders, I walked down the short hallway and into the kitchen. Charlie was at the table with a heaping plate of food: baked chicken, mixed veggies, and…was that…risotto?

"Hiya, Bells." My father mumbled through his full mouth.

"Hey, Dad…you cooked?" I hoped my trepidation wasn't as obvious to him as it seemed to me. Charlie cocked his eyebrow at me incredulously.

"Bells, you know better."

I chuckled in spite of myself and grabbed a plate from the cupboard above the sink.

"So, where did all this come from?" I questioned, thanking God that my father was well fed even though I had been so caught up in my own drama that I had put my daughterly duties on the back burner. _Sue Clearwater probably made it…maybe Leah or Seth told her I wasn't home in time to cook and she took pity on him_…I theorized, already planning ways to thank her without having to cross Leah's path again as I filled my plate.

"I made it, Bella." A small voice answered from behind me. I whirled to find Alice smiling tentatively at me in the hallway. Luckily, I set my plate on the counter right before she spoke, so my dinner hadn't ended up all over the room.

"Yeah, Alice brought home all of those groceries you girls bought earlier, and insisted on making dinner. I told her it wasn't necessary, but Bella, you know I can't resist a home cooked meal…Where'd you have to go anyway?" My father explained, shortly before I heard him shove another forkful of food into his mouth.

"I had to see Jake…he had left something here the other day and he needed it for school tomorrow." I mumbled, keeping my back to Charlie in the hope that he would be less likely to recognize my small deception.

My mind leapt to the night the Cullens came home and Alice had tried to heat up my leftover lasagna in a 500 degree oven. My confusion must have been written all over my face.

"Why don't you and I go up to your room for some girl time, Bella?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea…We'll be in my room if you need us, Dad."

"Alright, Bells. You girls have fun, and thanks again, Alice."

"No problem, Chief Swan!" Alice called as we made our way up the stairs. Once we were safely inside my room, I closed the door and spun to face the fey girl before me.

"Alice Cullen, what is wrong with you?" I hissed quietly.

"That depends on who you ask…" Alice replied with a timid giggle.

"You were with me all day, Alice, and you never once mentioned that Victoria and some high society vampires from Italy were on their way to find me. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that picture? And what is with dinner? You had me thinking you didn't know the first thing about a kitchen!"

"Bella, I wanted to tell you, honest! Be fair. You weren't exactly ready for any more news today at school and this isn't the kind of thing I want to tell you about over the phone or in an email. As for dinner, I can cook, at the time I just thought you needed to laugh. Today, you needed groceries and a friend, so here I am."

The look on her face was so sincere and open that my anger slipped away. I sighed and made my way to my bed. I sat down and scooted over, patting the spot beside me. Alice flashed me the first true blue grin I'd seen on her in a while, and bounced over.

"So what am I in for? The wolves said the Volturi were coming to punish me."

Alice became somber again and took my hand.

"The decision hasn't officially been made yet, but it looks like Victoria will present a grievance to the Volturi. Basically, she is going to tell them everything she knows about my family, including you, and ask for justice for her mate's death. The bigger issue, though, is that you know about us. The only rule about our existence is that no one is to know about it. When Edward told you, he broke that rule."

"So what is the usual punishment for breaking the rule?"

"Death."

I swallowed hard and shifted my gaze to the window. "Why do I feel like you think that what they do to us will be worse than death?"

"The leader of the Volturi is Aro. He has a gift like Edward's-"

"He can read minds?"

"Yes, but he has to touch you to hear your thoughts, and instead of just what's passing your mind at the time, he'll hear every thought you ever had. They also have an elite guard with additional powers that vary, but they are all powerful."

"Okay, that's interesting, but I don't get what it means for us…"

"He will touch Victoria and know every thought she has ever had. Victoria knows about Edward's gift…and mine. Aro will be interested in adding us to his guard."

"Is that so bad? I mean, working for royalty has to have perks, right? And if this Aro guy wants Edward in his army, then he's probably less likely to kill him…" I trailed off when I turned to Alice. She was stone still and staring straight ahead, just like she had at lunchtime in the bathroom, but this time, there was a pained expression behind her eyes.

"Bella, the Volturi have a different set of beliefs than my family, not just eating habits. Edward and I don't want to join the guard, but Aro's methods of persuasion are…_horrible_." She choked. I could tell that if it were possible, tears would be streaming down her cheeks. I squeezed her hand and said a silent prayer of thanks that I couldn't see whatever scene was playing out behind her eyes.

"What can I do, Alice?" I asked, squeezing her hand which seemed to snap her back.

"Right now, all we can do is wait. Carlisle and Esme are trying to come up with a strategy but we've got nothing as of yet…I'm so sorry Bella." We sat quietly after that, neither of us really knowing what to say. After about ten minutes, Alice got up and announced that she should be going.

"Are you sure? You could stay the night…" I said, not able to completely keep the pleading out of my voice. I had turned Jake down on his offer of a sleepover and now wished I hadn't. I didn't want to be alone tonight.

"I need to check on Jasper. He didn't have the best day…how about I come back later and sit with you for a while?"

I nodded gently and willed myself to smile, though I was only able to manage a gentle curl of my lips, so gentle it was almost indiscernible.

"In the meantime, Bella, why don't you unpack that bag?"Alice said, glancing over to my as yet unpacked overnight bag. I nodded again.

"Sure, sure…"

"Okay, good. See you soon." Alice smiled. Then she was gone, flitting out of my bedroom door, down my stairs, and through the threshold of my house after a quick goodbye to Charlie.

___________________________________________________________________________

So no cliffie this time...I'll try to get chapter 14 up faster than the last two took...I have about four pages done so far. Hopefully I won't end up staring at it in frustration like I did this one, lol!

Links to the playlist and the thread on twilighted are in my profile and, as always reviews are love.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you...

...to Kelly! You find me quotes, you have virtual slumber parties with me, you not only let me bounce ideas off of you, but even toss some back. I couldn't ask for a better beta or twi-soulmate *hugs*

...to all the people who added Seeing Red as a Story Alert or Favorite Story. I get alerts in my email and I get chills every time I open one! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!! I'm truly honored :)

....to all my faithful reviewers. I'm so sorry if I haven't responded to your review. One of the only things I hate about ff is that I can't tell who I responded to and who I didn't. Please know that I truly TRULY appreciate your kind words, even if it's just "great chapter" or "please update". Each and every on touches my heart and makes me smile :)

So...this chapter makes me think of the Barney Bag song...if you don't know it, I have a link to in on my profile page. It will make sense, I promise.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight...or the Barney Bag song...or anything else recognizable in this story, lol!

Without further ado, here's chapter 14 :)

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"The most useful piece of learning for the uses of life is to unlearn what is untrue."

-Antithenes

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Chapter 14

Edward POV

I paced the boundary line for what felt like an eternity waiting for the sound of Bella's truck barreling down the road. I was sinking into a sea of doubts and fears, falling deeper with each passing moment.

One hour passed

_Maybe Bella cares for Jacob more than Alice or I thought. _

Another hour…

_He could be holding her in his arms right now_...

Another…

_They could be kissing…_

Another…

_They could be…_

The familiar roar of Bella's engine stopped that thought before it could be completed. A few moments later, a quick glance in the window was proof enough that Bella was alive and whole. Relief crashed over me. The knowledge that Bella was safe was enough for me to tend to my own needs for a moment. If I was going to watch over her tonight, as I had every intention of doing, then I needed to hunt. It took me about forty minutes to adequately sate my thirst, as there was only small game nearby, but once that was done, I was on my way.

As I approached Bella's house, my eyes were drawn to a vehicle parked on the opposite end of the street. My Volvo was hidden from view behind a line of trees. I fully expected Alice to be waiting for me, but was surprised to see that it was not my sister behind the wheel. Instead, Jasper reclined lazily in the driver's seat. I waved at my brother, but continued on, knowing that he would feel my desperation to get to Bella even from a distance. As I approached Bella's home two things happened almost simultaneously. Alice made her way down the out of Bella's door and I was engulfed by the stench of dog. Alice noticed it too, but didn't even pause as she flitted down the street to my car and her mate.

_You're a big boy, Edward. We're here if you need us, but I think you can handle talking to him without the two of you ripping each other apart. OH! Tell him that we will be having some visitors in the next few hours. The Denalis are coming._

Before I could reply, I heard the cacophony of the pack mind. I could tell from the odor that swirled around me that there was only one wolf approaching. Jacob Black. Apparently, he was upset about something and the others were trying to convince him to come back to the reservation and talk about it, but he wanted to see Bella….that is until he smelled me.

_Oh, look! It's the assholesonofabi- _one of the wolves started in Jake's head. The voice was cut off before the thought could complete, but I had an idea where it was going. Jacob emerged from the trees a moment later, his face twisted in fiery frustration.

"Cullen" he sneered.

"Black" I replied, just as disdainfully. The mongrel was shaking but remained in control of himself.

"What are you doing here?" _Sam will kill me if I lose it now…_

"I could ask the same of you." I replied, trying to remain as calm as possible.

"I'm just checking on Bella."

"So am I."

"Oh really? Wanted to assess the damage you've inflicted?"

I opened my mouth to argue, but stopped when images of Bella on the beach flashed through his mind. He was right. My desperation had inflicted more grief on Bella…again, I hurt her when I meant to help. The dog and I stared at each other for a time. I could hear Bella's heart beat pick up as she told her father that she needed to fix a floorboard. My mind raced as I listened to Bella's delicate footfalls trailing down then back up the stairs of her home. Could she be referencing _that_ floorboard? Fleetingly, I thought to just knock the dog out and go to Bella, but I _had_ told Sam that all was forgiven…Jacob called me from my musings before I got far.

"Why couldn't you just stay under whatever rock you scurried under in the first place?" he questioned, though his voice was so low that it almost seemed as if the question was rhetorical. I answered anyway. It was true that I loved her, but that was not the foremost reason for my return.

"I need her." It was the simple truth and not an excuse, as Jacob seemed to think it was. He shook a little harder at my response, but there was no use in lying to him. If Bella would have me, then I would be hers. It was about time that the wolf just got used to the idea.

"Funny, are you at all concerned with what _she_ needs? Have you ever been?" The dog was accusing me of not being concerned? All I ever was, was concerned! I had tried to be patient with him, but now the mutant mutt was pissing me off.

"Everything I ever did, do, or _will_ do is _for_ Bella!" I hissed. The canine rolled his eyes and folded his quivering arms across his chest.

"You know I love her too, right?" He said it as if it was a warning, as if his love for her could somehow threaten my claim. I suppose his mother had named him well.

"Yes and I don't blame you. Who wouldn't?" I scoffed.

"Yeah, well, she loves me back and I'm much better for her then you ever will be." I took note of how he said "better" and not "safer", but was much more concerned with addressing the first part of his statement at that point.

"That may be," I replied, my voice thick with the venom that pooled in my mouth at the thought of _my_ Bella with this _dog_ as I continued, "but until she sends me away, I'm here."

"Then I guess you'll be leaving soon."

"We'll see." Neither of us moved save for Jacob's vibrating. It occurred to me that we would have probably stayed locked in each other's glare forever if something didn't happen soon. I would never let Jacob Black near Bella, especially not when he was so close to phasing, and it seemed as if the feeling was mutual. Suddenly, a howl pierced through the night. Jacob cocked his head to the side slightly, but made no move to investigate. Behind me, I could hear Bella and her father bidding each other good night.

"Shouldn't you go see what they want?" I asked irritably. The sooner he left, the sooner I could look in on Bella, whose heart was still beating much too fast. Unfortunately, he realized this too, and was therefore reluctant to let me out of his sight.

"They would come get me if it was something serious…" Jacob replied, though a young man's face flashed through his mind.

"Quil is your friend, isn't he? If he could be phasing, you owe it to him and the pack to help."

"Don't you tell me what I owe my pack or my friends, leech!" He probably would have said more, but another howl cut him off…one he didn't recognize. Jacob's head turned for a moment before his gaze returned to me. He was shaking violently now.

"This isn't over, bloodsucker." He growled, then sped off into the woods. As soon as he was out of I whirled and made my way to the same tree I had occupied with Alice the night before, deciding to wait until Bella was asleep before I got too close. Alice and Jasper were still at the opposite end of the street, but as Jacob's form retreated into the woods, Alice leapt out of the car and started after him. I had forgotten about my siblings' proximity and immediately felt badly for the emotional tailspin that my encounter with Jacob Black had probably sent Jasper's way and forgetting to warn Jake about our visitors as Alice had requested. My sister was furiously hurling inventive Scandinavian curses my way, but her mate was somewhat sympathetic.

_Don't worry about it now, Edward…you wanna know something interesting though? You two feel the same way about Bella._

I grimaced.

_Well, you both love her and would protect her, come hell or high water…If you both didn't love her so much, you'd probably be friends._

After that, I blocked Jasper's thoughts, and Alice's. My own brother comparing me to the usurper was too much for me at that moment, so I climbed swiftly up the tree focusing solely on Bella's heartbeat.

Just as I perched on my usual branch, Bella opened her window and whispered to me through the inky darkness, both answering my prayers and foretelling my worst fears.

***

Bella POV

My room seemed utterly devoid of sound without Alice. I could barely hear my own breathing. It felt as if _I_ wasn't even there, just another apparition…another hallucination…more proof that I was losing my mind. I made my way to my closet and picked up my overnight bag. I had purposefully avoided even looking at it in the last 24 hours, It only reminded me of the bomb that had just detonated in my life, and decided that I would get to it when everything began to make sense again. Unfortunately, what was barely livable before was now too much to process. I had gone numb again. This time it felt more like my brain was in catch up mode. Voices were bouncing around nonsensically in my head, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

My bag seemed heavier than I remembered it being on Saturday as I carried it from its place beside my closet door to my bed. _That's probably just the__emotional weight my mind has added to the bag's physical weight_, I mused solemnly as I set it down on my bedspread and tugged the partially opened zipper the rest of the way. I began unloading its contents on autopilot, not thinking of what I was doing beyond recognizing what was in my hand and where it belonged. After three trips from my bed to my dresser and back, I decided that Alice would never pack for me again. It appeared that even though I was supposed to only be spending one night at her house, she had packed clothes for all occasions—a week's worth, at least. Lifting the third pair of jeans from the bag, my hand brushed against paper that appeared to have been tucked between a couple of shirts. At first, I assumed it was a receipt since, obviously, Alice had bought me clothes at some point and stuffed them in the bag. _She probably put them in here while I was asleep on her couch…I don't even wanna know how much money she spent…_I grabbed the paper and lifted it from the bag with every intention of tossing it in the trash without even glancing at it.

That was until I realized that the too thick to be a receipt. I regarded the paper in my hand with curiosity. It was a letter from Alice.

**Bella –**

**If things go the way I think they might, then your reunion with my brother hasn't gone as well as I would hope. There are some things you need to know that I have a feeling you won't if I don't help. I have packed some extra things in here. Take them out one at a time. You've never seen some of them befor****e, ****but they all belong to you.**

**But first, stand in front of your window facing your bedroom door, then take three steps.**

**I love you,**

**Alice**

…_**hasn't gone as well as I would hope**__… _I giggled hysterically for a moment. That was probably the understatement of the century. After my laughter died out, I looked at the letter again.

…_**There are some things you need to know**__…_

A little stab of fear pierced me then. _What the hell else did I need to know?_ I gazed at my bag. At least now I knew that I wasn't just imagining the added weight, but the knowledge that there was something new in there besides clothes caused my hands to still over the opening and fall limply back to my sides. For a moment, I wished Alice was there with me. I even considered waiting for her return before I searched any further, but was immediately disgusted with myself.

_Suck it up, Bella. You can't always wait for someone to save you…_I admonished, then returned to the letter one last time.

… _**stand in front of your window facing your bedroom door, then take three steps.**_

_Sure, Alice…why not?_ I thought. I walked to my window, but turned my back to it quickly before my mind began to reach for memories of the supernatural beings that had traveled through it.

Placing my heels flush against the wall, I hesitated. _What size steps should I take? _I took a deep breath and forced myself to be logical. _Alice can see the future. If it had been a big deal, she would have specified what size my steps should be…_ I giggled—again, slightly hysterical—but followed instructions.

On my third step, the floor board creaked.

That was it.

I hadn't really noticed the squeaky board before, and couldn't think of anything that might make the fact that I had a floorboard in need of repair significant in any way, but bent down to investigate anyway. The board was loose, but not enough to be pulled up. I made a quick trip to the garage and grabbed one of Charlie's claw hammers.

"Whatchu up to, Bells?" Charlie called from his position on the recliner.

"Nothin' much, Dad, just figured I would fix a loose floorboard."

"Why don't you let me do that?" My father asked, groaning as he started to lift himself from the couch.

"No, Charlie, I got it. Who do you think fixed the small stuff around the house before Renee met Phil?" I responded, without even pausing in my ascent to my room.

"Alright, well, call me if you need me." Charlie still appeared to be slightly concerned about the hardware in my hand, but sat down and regarded Sports Center once more.

"Sure thing!" I called, having now made it back to my room. I walked back to my window and paced the three steps again. When the floorboard squeaked, I only hesitated for a moment before taking the hammer to the floorboard. I didn't have to work too hard to separate it from the floor, and was stunned to silence when I peered cautiously underneath it.

There, under the wood, was all that Edward had taken from me when he left all those months ago. I dropped the hammer and reached in to retrieve my CD, the pictures of Edward that had been removed from my scrapbook, and the tickets to Florida from Esme and Carlisle.

My chest began to ache painfully, and it took me a moment to realize that it wasn't just the crater that seared me from within, but also that I had not taken a breath since I had laid eyes under my floor.

As I worked to regain steady breath, I started to put the pieces together. _Alice had told me to get this, but she wouldn't have put them there herself, which could only mean_…—Liquid fire engulfed my chest—_…Edward had hidden these things from me. He had said it would be like he never existed, then hid the proof of his existence, literally beneath my feet? So much of the pain I had suffered after he left was due to the fact that I had to struggle to convince myself I hadn't imagined him. Would I have fared __much better had I known?...Yes, I think I would have…In fact, I __**know**__ I would have. How could he do this to me?... and what else was Alice returning to me? _My eyes immediately sought my bag and found it lying innocently on my bed, just as I had left it. I lunged for it and was about to dump it on my bed, when I remembered another snippet from Alice's note.

…_**Take them out one at a time. You've never seen some of them before but they all belong to you…**_

I took a few breaths to calm myself and slow my heart. Cautiously, I reached my hand into my bag, making sure to keep my eyes averted, just in case I saw something that would cause me to lose my nerve. I pulled out a sweater, two t-shirts and a pair of slacks (obviously something Alice had thrown in) before my hand hit another foreign object. It was a hard cover book. As my collection was predominately paperback and I couldn't remember ever taking any of my books to the Cullens' (Their collection was far superior to mine, why would I?), I grabbed the mysterious book and brought it out of the bag for further examination. I was greeted by a book I had never heard of, The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. The book looked new, but there were several pages marked. I flipped until I randomly landed on a marked page.

**The Prophet speaks of Love**

**When love beckons to you, follow him,  
Though his ways are hard and steep.  
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,  
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.  
And when he speaks to you believe in him,  
Though his voice may shatter your dreams  
as the north wind lays waste the garden.**

**For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.  
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,  
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.**

**Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.  
He threshes you to make you naked.  
He sifts you to free you from your husks.  
He grinds you to whiteness.  
He kneads you until you are pliant;  
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.**

**All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.**

**But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,  
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,  
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.  
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.  
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;  
For love is sufficient unto love.**

**When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."  
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.**

**Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.  
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:  
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.  
To know the pain of too much tenderness.  
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;  
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.  
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;  
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;  
To return home at eventide with gratitude;  
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.**

It was beautiful, and my eyes began to prickle with the promise of tears. This poem sounded so much like my life for the past year that I quickly closed the book and reached into the bag for something else to divert my attention lest I breakdown.

The bag was empty now, save for one thing. I wrapped my fingers around the remaining object, handling it just as carefully as I would a viper or a rabid dog. As my hand emerged, it held a small wooden box. I had seen this before, but couldn't remember where. I gingerly lifted the lid and took short, shallow breaths. Inside were a ring, a sketch, an old photo, dried sprigs of lavender and freesia that had been tied together with a thin string, and the cap from a soda bottle. I couldn't figure out why the bottle cap was a keepsake, but I left it inside anyway, rationalizing that Alice would probably be able to explain later. I picked up the dried flowers. When I looked closely I could see several long brown hairs that had been woven among the sprigs. I sniffed them tentatively. They still held a scent, but it was faint, like old potpourri, so I set the bunch aside quickly and reached into the small box again. I picked up the ring and examined it more closely. I picked up the ring and examined it more closely. It was obviously antique, and absolutely gorgeous. The band was made of thin yellow gold, and a web of diamonds decorated the face.

I reached in to retrieve the sketch and gasped involuntarily after having examined it. It was a sleeping figure…a girl…_me_. Even in charcoal, the figure's haphazardly draped body was easily recognizable as mine. The detail was acute, down to the small scar on my shin from one of the many times I had run into the coffee table. I traced my fingertips along the picture and sighed. I was beautiful, more so than I had ever thought myself when I looked in the mirror. It was as if the sketch was made through some sort of flaw erasing lens; even though all of my scars were accounted for, save for one. The scar on my forehead from my motorcycle accident was missing, so I knew this sketch was from before Edward had returned.

After admiring it for another moment, I set it aside and picked up the photo. It was obviously from the turn of the century. It was tiny, yellowed and cracked, but the image was still discernable. It was a man, a woman, and…Edward. I gasped and dropped the photo. It landed face up. I couldn't bring myself touch it so I lowered my head just above where it rested on my comforter to examine it more closely. The man and woman were most definitely not Carlisle and Esme. The man was tall, taller than Edward, and lean. The woman was curvy and though the picture was aged and sepia, I could tell that she and Edward shared the same coloring. These were the Masens, Edward's human parents. Recognition of the people in the photograph led to remembering where I had seen the box before. It was the same box that Alice had retrieved from Edward's room the day he returned. I struggled for breath as I tried to decipher Alice's intentions. None of this was mine. It was Edward's. _Why would she give them to me? And why was there a sketch of me with his things?...or a plastic bottle cap for that matter… _

Obviously, I couldn't keep these things, even though Alice had said they were mine. For once, she was wrong. They _weren't_ mine. They were Edward's and I would never take what was his. As I tried to figure out how best to return his things, there was a knock at my door.

"Hey, Bells, you decent?" Charlie questioned. I scrambled up from my bed in a panic, remembering that I had forgotten to lock the door. and I really didn't want to explain all of the items on my bed so I used my best weapon to keep Charlie at bay.

"No, Dad, I'm not. Did you need something?" I called as I started to change into my pajamas.

"Nope, I'm about to hit the hay, I just wanted to make sure you didn't need any help with that floorboard."

"Nope, I got it. Have a little faith, will ya?" I replied shakily as I glanced at the—as yet, unrepaired—floorboard. The truth was, I _could _fix it, living with Renee had indeed forced me to learn some basics in home repair, but I just didn't feel like it right then. After going through the contents of my bag I was suddenly tired, weighted down and wishing I could make sense of it.

"Alright, Bells, see you in the morning." Charlie chuckled.

"Yeah, 'night, Dad," I replied, as I finished dressing and pulled my hair into a messy bun.

I considered my options again. Charlie was a heavy sleeper, but he wasn't out yet, and if I left my room to go call Alice, he would hear me, and start asking questions I wasn't sure I'd be able to answer. Then it occurred to me that Edward Cullen's emotions weren't predictable, but maybe his actions were. Even if he didn't love me like he used to, he seemed to be extremely concerned about my physical well-being.

If Edward was concerned to the point of lying to me to try and give me incentive to stay alive, then I was fairly sure he could be counted upon to be watching me, making sure I wasn't doing something else alarmingly life threatening….in fact, he was probably outside my house at that very moment. My train of thought caused me to scurry to my window, my eyes searching for his. _If he didn't want to be obvious, he could hide from easily enough_, I thought with a sigh after searching for a few moments. _There's only one way to know for sure… _

I opened the window and leaned out of it before I could lose my nerve.

"Edward Cullen, I know you're there. Get in here, we have some things to discuss." I whispered, figuring the more certain of my assumption I sounded the more likely he would be to show himself…if he was out there at all.

I left the window open and sat on my bed to wait. For a few moments I thought that I might have been wrong, but just as I was about to call Alice, Edward appeared within the window's frame.

"Are you sure?" he questioned.

"Oh, yes, _very_ sure." I replied.

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Okay, so now would be an awesome time to review or show some love in the twilighted thread...(especially the thread *hint, hint*)

As always, links are in my profile


	15. Chapter 15

THANK YOU!

Thank you….Kelly. I honestly don't think this story would have gotten this far without you. Thank you for sticking with me and (kindly) poking me and reminding me that there are actually people out there who are waiting for this update. You are awesome beyond words.

Thank you…readers and reviewers. You guys are awesome sauce! I truly appreciate your reviews and love that Kell and I aren't on this crazy train alone. I feel it's only right to warn you that even though I love happy endings, this story's ending won't be all butterflies and rainbows, so, if you can't bear to see the pain, get out now, while you still can.

Thank you…to whoever is nominating and voting for SR! Seeing Red was nominated for best Jacob POV in the Twilight Twins awards twilighttwinsawards(dot)webs(dot)com and Best Forbidden Love in the Silent Tear awards silent-tear-awards(dot)webs(dot)com/nominees(dot)htm I am so honored! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!

Okay, so I know this is a shorter chapter than usual, but it's been forever and Kell said I should go ahead and post what I have. I'm so sorry about the delay! I hope it was worth the wait : )

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"It is not hard to learn more. What is hard is to unlearn when you discover yourself wrong.

~Martin H. Fischer"

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Bella POV

"Are you sure?" he questioned, as he perched precariously on my windowsill. As soon as he was in my sight, I could hear my heartbeat thrumming rapidly in my ears. His face…his voice… school had ended so disastrously that afternoon, and all the time away from him had done nothing to reduce the pain his presence still caused. The resurfacing emotions began swirling viciously in my chest, "longing" being the strongest and most easily recognizable.

"Oh, yes, very sure," I replied, as I made room for him to enter and attempted to calm down. I wanted this conversation to be as coherent as possible… and allowing my emotions to take over wouldn't help, especially since I wasn't entirely sure which one would rise up, or what it might lead me to do. I made sure not to look at his face. This was not the moment to be dazzled into silence. Before I could explain why I had called him in, he caught me off guard with a preemptive strike.

"You promised me you weren't going to do anything risky again, and then you immediately place yourself in harm's way?" He asked quietly, but I could hear the tension in his tone. His words had completely derailed my train of thought so it took a moment for me to respond.

"What are you talking about, Edward?" I questioned. "I only went to First Beach and then Jacob's house…"

"Exactly. It is _definitely_ reckless to place yourself in the middle of a den of wolves, Bella! I couldn't even be close enough to protect you!" He replied, his voice betraying his anger.

"Protect me? From my best friend?"

"Bella, your 'best friend' is an animal. One that could very easily kill you."

_Is it possible for vampires to have mental illnesses? 'Cause I think Edward may have lost his mind…_

"Edward Cullen, you will _not_ speak about my best friend that way." I allowed my words to hang in the air with as much authority as I could muster. Jake had been there when Edward hadn't, and I wouldn't allow Edward to speak ill of him.

"Look, can we just stay on point?" I continued. "The whole reason I called you in here is because I have some things of yours." I sighed and motioned to my bed where the contents of my bag, other than my clothes, were still spread.

"Bella…" he said, but he focus was behind me. The silence that filled the space between us was too heavy for me to let linger, so I began rambling in an effort to alleviate the pressure.

"I got it from Alice. I'm sorry I invaded your privacy by looking through it all, but she said it was mine and I didn't realize she was wrong until–"

"Bella…" he repeated. I knew in the depths of my spirit that I could not allow Edward to speak anymore until I had finished my story. His voice was too beautiful, too full of concern, and when I heard him speak that way it made me hope…and hope was the enemy. Even an ounce of hope that Edward Cullen still loved me would break me when he left again.

"Alice was right." Edward whispered, and it caused me to risk a glance at him. There was emotion in his eyes, but I couldn't decipher it without a stirring of fear in my gut, so I cut eye contact with him, turning my back to his beautiful face and began gathering his things and putting them back in the box.

_The sooner everything's back in the box, the sooner I can __give it__back…_

"No, she wasn't, Edward–" I started as I attempted to kill that insidious hope that trying to spark, but he cut me off once again.

"She was, Bella."

I froze as his words hit my ears, though it felt like I was burning at the stake emotinoally. In my hand was the sketch of me asleep. I couldn't bring myself to turn and face Edward, so I focused on the sketch instead.

"I drew that the first night I came to watch you while you slept." He whispered so softly that I had to strain to hear him. "I tried to convince myself that watching you that night was only a one-time thing. You're so beautiful; especially when you sleep…you have an air of peace that you don't always possess during waking hours. It hurt to think that I would never get to see you like that again. So even though my memory is detailed and accurate, I wanted an image of you to take with me…again, it was something I had to forgo when I left Forks."

I squeezed my eyes shut, but turned toward him, as the feeling of simultaneously being burned alive and freezing intensified. His words were stoking the fire of optimism - that wicked emotion - and I didn't dare open my eyes, though I was being torn apart inside. I knew with absolute certainty that his words would make it ten million times worse when he left again, but I couldn't bring myself to silence him. His voice was like hot chocolate; sweet, warming me inside and out. I gripped the paper, fighting to keep myself stationary when everything within me wanted to leap into his arms. I kept trying to remind myself that he was only saying these things as a means to an end, but it was getting harder and harder to believe. I had never, in my life, wanted to believe a lie more than in that moment.

"I don't understand." I sighed in defeat, though I didn't really expect him to reply. How could he, or anyone really, explain the unexplainable?

"Neither do I," He replied. My mind reeled with the implications of his words, but I didn't have to wonder long. He spoke again, clarifying his meaning while simultaneously confusing me more: "I don't understand how one lie could erase so many truths."

"Truths…" I mumbled, hating the word.

"Bella, I lied to you that day."

"Which day, Edward? There were many days…" My words drifted off as I recalled all of the moments of happiness in which Edward had told me he loved me.

"Bella, you are so precious to me. It took me over a century to find meaning in my life, to find something worth this eternity…to find _you_. But you are so fragile. At any moment you could disintegrate before my eyes - vanish from my existence - and I would be lost. When Jasper…lost control, I was forced to choose between two paths that were acceptable to me: existing in a world without you by my side but at least knowing you were safe, or me not existing at all. My choice was made without question, but that didn't make it less difficult to carry out."

Edward lifted my right hand and placed it on his chest. The bracelet Jake gave me glinted gently. I dug the fingernails of my free hand into my palm; my last chance to determine if this was some sort of hallucination, wincing slightly in pain as I realized I was truly awake. I remembered Jake's instructions and let Edward's words run through my head again, but in Jake's voice. . My fingernails dug more deeply into my palm and frustrated tears welled in my eyes as Alice's voice popped into my head next.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think…"

_If I'm smarter than I think, maybe I should trust my instincts... _

The result was disjointed. Logically, I knew deep down that there was very little chance Jacob's mouth would ever utter those words, but my reaction to the idea was nearly instantaneous, and borderline violent. The thought of Jake treating me like a child infuriated me. Then a second and much more jarring epiphany rose to the surface of my mind. This one came more slowly, akin to a zombie emerging from a grave in a horror movie, and was no less terrific. I would be furious, because I believed him. In my heart I knew that he really had loved me, and that made the chasm in my chest erupt, hot lava oozing down the edges. My heart literally hurt. It felt as if someone had reached into my chest and squeezed, constricted the organ…making it fight to keep beating…to keep living.

"So you loved me…" I breathed, wondering at the reverence with which Edward touched me and how I could have missed that before, but still attempting to remove the pressure that was weighting down my lungs.

"I still do, Bella."

"I wasn't finished." I interjected, taking my hand from his grasp and steeling myself for the words that had to be said if we were going to get anywhere. "You loved me, and you left me, anyway?"

"Bella, I had to protect you."

_Again with this?_ My mind cried, but I kept my lips sealed for a moment until the heat of my frustration had simmered a bit.

Spinning. Everything was just moving too quickly behind my eyes. I felt like I was back on the teacup ride at the carnival Renee had taken me to for my 6th birthday. I threw up then, and history was very close to repeating itself. Gratefully, I remembered that I never actually got around to eating the dinner Alice had made, so my stomach was empty. I began to tremble. I wondered to myself if this is how an addict feels when they're trying to kick a habit, trying to ignore their body's cravings. My nerves were completely shot. It seemed futile, but I had to fight this losing battle between my heart and my head.

"Edward, how could you ever think that it was best to _leave_?" I started, once I was able to form coherent words again. "I know you well enough to know that you thought this through before you carried it out. You walked me into the woods… lied to my face…broke my heart…all of which was premeditated?"

"Bella, I had to do whatever I could to keep you safe, even if it meant losing you. I couldn't ask your opinion on the matter because I knew you would–"

"You knew I would want you? That I wouldn't want to live without you? So you didn't even let me have a say in the events of my own life."

"I had convinced myself that you would get over me, eventually."

"So you broke my heart in an attempt to save my life." I confirmed quietly. My voice was dead. A heavy silence settled between us as I waited for his answer.

"Yes." He replied.

"How could you love someone who you don't even trust enough to be completely honest with?"

"I do trust you, Bella."

"No, you don't." I replied quickly, the heat gradually returning to my voice. "If you trusted me, you wouldn't have treated me like a child. You wouldn't have hidden things that actually _did_ belong to me under my bedroom floor. You would have told me how you felt, and _we_ would have decided what to do. _Together_."

"Would you have been able let me go if I had or had not done those things?" He questioned, though the tone of his velvet voice made it clear that he thought he knew the answer already.

"Maybe…maybe not, but if you want me to believe that you're back here because _you _couldn't let _m_e go, then the weakness was mutual, wasn't it? How can you fault me for wanting you?"

Edward moved until he was beside the bed – mere inches from my body - then gingerly plucked the plastic bottle cap and cradled it reverently in his hand. His care made me instantly glad that I hadn't followed my first instinct and thrown it out.

"I can't, Bella. I would be a hypocrite to begrudge you your love for me, even though I can't understand how you would feel that way, because I am so wholly unworthy." He answered, keeping his eyes on the cap as he began to gently roll it around on his palm.

"And you can't honestly tell me it wouldn't happen again-"

"Yes, I can, Bella."

"Edward, what happens the next time my life is threatened by something you think is your fault?"

I didn't even have the strength to point out that that might well be the case in a matter of days, what with Victoria's running halfway around the globe for backup. My throat ached with the sobs of frustration that fought to make their way out. Edward remained quiet, but I could see his hands clench out of the corner of my eye. Before he could say something, because any argument at this point was liable to break me, I gathered the rest of the foreign items from my bed. I left my birthday gifts where they were. They were mine, and I wasn't sure I would let them out of my sight again, let alone give Edward access to them.

"Here," I whispered as I held out Edward's things, suddenly exhausted. "I think you should go, Edward."

"This book isn't mine. I think Alice bought it for you." Edward said, taking the box from my grasp, but leaving the book.

"Okay..." I sighed, dropping the book, and my eyes, back to the bed.

"Good night, Bella."

"Goodbye, Edward." I mumbled, the urge to cry roaring in my esophagus.

After a few moments of silence, I dared to lift my eyes. He was gone. I sagged to the bed somewhere in the mist of relief and panic. As soon as my thighs hit the pillow top mattress, I pulled myself up the bed, knocking the items that were still there out of the way. Once I reached my pillow, I curled myself into a ball, buried my face in the down-filled sack and released the flood that I no longer had the strength to restrain.

Hours passed.

I must have slept, but my body felt more exhausted when I lifted my head than it had when I had laid it down in the first place. I glanced at the clock and sighed. It was 12:34 am. Alice was still gone. The silence was deafening and I had the sudden and intense urge to fill it.

My eyes were puffy and in the dim light of the sole lamp in my room wasn't much help. I clumsily swept my hand across my bed, and, after a moment, I heard the light clatter of the jewel case hitting the hard wood of my floor. I leaned over the bed and brushed my hands just underneath it. My fingers immediately got tangled in a series of thin cords.

_What the…_

Feeling around a bit more, my hand hit something small and metallic. I picked it up and held it close to my eyes for inspection. It was a silver iPod.

_I guess Jake wasn't nuts…_

I reached under the bed again, finding Edward's CD – _my_ CD - quickly this time, but changed my mind about putting it in the player. I placed the CD, and all of my other gifts, on my night stand and began untangling the thin earplug cords. Jake said the music on this player was "slit-your-wrists-esque" and that pretty much matched my mood right now. It was probably Alice's, though why she would have depressing music on her iPod was a mystery…perhaps she had loaded it because she had seen that I would need to listen to it one day…

_Well, today was that day_.

I popped the buds in my ears and placed the player on shuffle_. _

"This must be Alice's iPod…" I mumbled to myself as the lyrics of the first song rolled with tragic grace through my ears. "'cause this is thing is psychic."

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long,_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side_

_All the little pieces falling shattered_

_Too small to matter,_

_But big enough to cut me in to so many little pieces if I try to touch her…_

Amy Lee wove my pain and confusion into song as fresh tears stained my pillow and I drifted off to sleep again.

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Sooooo….That's all for now. No cliffie is good news, right?

You know what would be awesome? If I hit over 100 reviews...just sayin ; )

FYI: The playlist should be updated soon so stay tuned : )


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Well, hello again. Long time, no see.

Thanks...

...Kelly, you rock, nuf said

... Bubby, you also rock, thanks for letting me borrow the computer so I could finally post this

...readers and reviewers, you are my sunshine

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"It is not hard to learn more. What is hard is to unlearn when you discover yourself wrong."

~Martin H. Fischer

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Chapter 16

Alice POV

I chased after Jacob Black and tried not to be too alarmed as my future vanished behind my eyes. Actually, it was kind of nice to have a nearly blank slate whenever the dog was nearby. Inconvenient as it was, it allowed me to be surprised every now and then, and feel borderline normal. About ten feet from the tree line, Jacob abruptly stopped and whirled on me, the fur on his back standing on end and a slight snarl contorting his lips. I brushed that off as a natural reaction and got to the point.

"I need to talk to you. Could you maybe turn human so this conversation isn't so one-sided?"

The animal just cocked his head to the side and stared at me.

"Okay, fine. Are you free tomorrow evening? Bark once for 'yes' and twice for 'no.'"

He growled.

"Good grief, Jacob Black, you could at least follow instructions. I know you understand me."

He huffed, but then turned and began to sprint toward the woods.

"Wait!" I called as I began to follow him. Jacob whirled on me and growled. I stopped in my tracks, and we stared at each other.

"Bella would be quite upset if I hurt you, Jacob, so stop being rude and save us all some grief. Doesn't she have enough to deal with at the moment?"

He regarded me for another moment then rolled his eyes.

"I just want to speak with you." I whispered, in a mixture of exasperation and defeat. This was one of those moments I _was_ upset by the lack of foresight when wolves were present. I had no real way of knowing what effect my words would have… and I had words. Not just of warning to the pack so as to avoid unnecessary conflict, either. I had heard the conversation between my brother and Jacob…Jasper had too. We'd waited in silence observing the scene, ready to intervene, should it have turned ugly. I honestly felt like the whole thing was just a misunderstanding… at least up to a point. Jacob and Edward were so caught up in the whole "mortal enemies in love with the same girl" thing, that it was blinding them. I didn't really blame Jacob for hating us. Why wouldn't he? After seeing the state Bella was in upon my return – _and_ upon Edward's return – anyone who loved her should hate us on principle, wolf genes or no. Even Charlie had struggled with it.

I hoped that maybe, if I explained our side, it would help curb Jacob's anger a bit. I had to try, anyway. After all, things were about to get infinitely harder for all of us, and we were stronger together than we were apart. Not to mention, it would be easier to hold Bella together if she wasn't being torn in half by two warring groups of people she held close to her heart.

He regarded me motionlessly for a moment, then resumed his retreat into the woods only this time pacing backwards and keeping his eyes on me. My instinct was to follow him, but I held still, trusting that the lack of heat behind his gaze was proof that he wouldn't try to leave again.

I was right, of course. A human Jacob emerged from the tree line moments later.

"Can we talk?" I asked, hesitantly. He and I had never really had a conversation before, unless you count strategy discussion about Victoria, but even that was just the once. Jacob raised an eyebrow at me.

"Fine, if you can walk and talk at the same time. I have to get back to the rez."

I wished for a moment that Carlisle was here with us to help smooth the edges of the conversation. He was always so good with words, but I wasn't about to call him. Jacob and I would just have to make do. I nodded and we began the short trek to the boundary line.

"Well, first things first. There will be some vampires in the area in the next few hours-"

Jacob's eyes became slits and a low growl erupted from his throat.

"Not the ones that are coming to hurt Bella." I continued hurriedly. "These ones don't feed on human blood either. They're like extended family and want to help us, if that's possible. They know to steer clear of the reservation and the town, but we just wanted to make sure the pack was aware so that there wasn't any unnecessary violence."

"How many?"

"Four, maybe five. One of them is undecided."

Another arched eyebrow.

"One of them, Irina, was sort of dating Laurent, and–"

"_Laurent_…the vampire that was going to kill Bella?"

"That's the one. Irina's still a little miffed at the pack for killing him, even though Carlisle explained the circumstances…"

"If you think we're gonna apologize –"

"Relax. On this issue, we see eye to eye. Bella means a lot to all of us and if Laurent had to die to protect her, then that's just the way it is. He shouldn't have threatened her life in the first place. He just didn't learned the first time, I guess."

The next few moments were silent. I suppose Jacob needed time to let my words settle. His face became thoughtful, losing some of the harsh lines that I had always thought were etched there permanently.

"It feels kinda weird that you would be on the pack's side, ya know?"

"Yeah, well, like I said, Bella means a lot to all of us…You know, I think you misjudge my brother." I added at the end.

Jacob's expression went dark again, but he didn't reply so I kept going, convincing myself that he just needed something non-threatening to associate. And what was less threatening than Disney characters?

"Edward – well, my whole family really – we're kinda like the Little Mermaid. Have you ever seen that movie?"

"I have two older sisters. I've seen that movie more often than I care to admit, but I don't see how it relates to you or your…brother."

I sighed. "Here's the thing. You know how Ariel wants to be human? We're the same way. We didn't choose to be what we are." A genuine look of surprise caused his eyebrows to hit his hairline, but he let me keep talking. "We watch the humans and yearn to be a part of that world again. We try our best to blend in and stay out of people's way, but sometimes we get blindsided. That's what it was like for Edward with Bella. He wasn't looking for her…it just happened. And, trust me, he would give anything to actually be a part of her world, but there is no Ursula in our story –"

"So, instead of leaving her alone and letting her stay on the surface, he decided to grab her while she was on the beach and drag her under the water so he could place her on the shelf in his treasure room?"

"Wow, you have seen it…but you're wrong. When he left in September, that was his way of rescuing her from drowning and putting her back on the shore…He just didn't count on Bella not letting go as easily as the Prince did."

Jacob's nostrils flared a little when I mentioned Bella not letting go, but it was true so I wasn't about to hold my tongue.

"While I appreciate what you're trying to do here, this changes nothing." He said, after a deep breath. "I may have a hard time seeing him again without picturing a set of fins and a bra made out of shells, but I still think Bella's better off without him."

"I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then…Thanks for listening."

"No problem, Shorty. I don't know _why_ you love him, but I see that you do….and we're cool…so I'll try to refrain from ripping his head off."

And there it was. Without the benefit of foresight, I was fairly sure that our conversation had had an effect, though not necessarily the one I had originally intended. Jacob Black and I were…friends? Well, at any rate, we were far less likely to attack each other. Who knew that Disney movies could have such a positive effect on vampire/wolf relations?

"That's good." I chuckled. "Oh, one more thing. We're going to have a strategy meeting tomorrow night, and your pack is invited."

"Is that so?"

"Well, yeah. This situation involves you guys too, and like I said, Bella means a lot to all of us."

"Yeah, okay. Where?"

"In the field where my family plays baseball. Just come back to this spot tomorrow at midnight. You can follow my scent in."

"Alright. That'll work." We stared at each other in silence again, both not sure of what to say next.

"…Well, that was all, unless you wanna sing? I do a rousing rendition of 'Under the Sea'…" I rambled.

"I prefer 'Kiss the Girl', but I really should go." Jake replied.

Just then, there was another howl.

"See you tomorrow, Bloodsucker." He said with a smirk before turning to go.

"You too, Mutt." I replied as we parted ways. My self-satisfaction was short-lived. Once Jacob Black was about a mile away, my inner eye was flooded with images, the most predominate of which was Edward, sitting along the bank of the river staring at nothing. The look in his eyes said it all. I had to find him…soon. I ran back to Bella's, quickly climbing in her window and scratching a quick note to take care of the other visions that had come to me, then headed for the river, calling Jasper on the way and asking him to drive Edward's car home for me. Once I reached the river, Edward was easy to find. He was about 40 yards down stream from me, shrouded in darkness, his face devoid of expression.

I approached him slowly, wishing I had the ability to see the past also, so that I could know what had happened without needing to ask. I know he heard me coming, but he didn't acknowledge my presence at all. He didn't even move.

"Edward?" I questioned, alarmed by how much worse this was than before. When he decided we had to leave, his behavior had been similar to this, but definitely not the same. Back in September, he was determined. Now he seemed…hopeless.

"She said 'Goodbye.'" His voice matched his appearance. He was statue-like, lacking any emotion, and spoke as if he were merely stating a fact.

"Edward –"

"Alice, there is nothing you can say or do to fix this. I messed up, and Bella sees that now, just as clearly as I do."

I had no idea how to reply, though my mind leapt immediately to how I could convince him not to leave again. After all, with the Volturi and Victoria on the way, this would be the worst time for Edward to go.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to leave again. I learned my lesson last time. I just… need to be by myself for a little while. The rest of the family doesn't need to be subjected to me right now."

"Edward, what are you talking about? We love you. It isn't a matter of being 'subjected' to anything."

"Alice, how will Bella visit if I'm around? I don't want to make this anymore awkward than it has to be. I will return before the Volturi show up, but…I just need-"

"-Time." I finished. "I get it…Esme will worry, but I'll try to explain it."

"I know. Tell her I'm sorry for hurting her again, but this is best."

"If you say so…so you'll be back soon?" I sighed. Normally, I would have fought Edward on this, but at this point it was better just to let him brood. Bella had some activities in the works that would go more smoothly if Edward wasn't in the picture…and she needed that more than I needed to beat some sense into my brother at the moment.

"You're the fortune-teller. You tell me." Edward replied. It was something he would have said normally, in the usual banter we kept, but there was no joviality in his words now.

"You and I both know I'm asking 'cause I can't see you. Apparently, you haven't made the decision yet." Edward didn't reply. Instead, he continued to stare at nothing.

"Come home, Edward…we can't make it through this without you." I spoke into the silence then left him. Through all of this there was a faint possibility that everything would work out. I could see a flickering image of Edward and Bella happy together, which was the only thing that gave me hope anymore. I would do anything to get to that impossible dream, even if my family was a little hurt in the process, but only because I knew that hurt would give way to unbelievable joy if I played my cards right.

***

Bella POV

I knew I was dreaming, but that didn't make it hurt any less. My vision was obstructed by tawny eyes and the sight caused my heart to tense. My subconscious betrayed me with those beautiful eyes, but they were not the liquid gold I was used to. The amber tone of the irises that haunted me was hard, lacking any kind of fire behind them.

I knew those eyes well.

They were Edward's. Not Junior-year-of-high-school-and-I'm-in-love-with-Bella-Edward, but I'm-the-cause-of-all-that-is-wrong-in-Bella's-world-and-I-will-now-lie-to-her-and-break-her-heart-in-a-misguided-effort-to-protect-her-from-me-Edward.

At least, that's what I had tried to convince myself of. Honestly, I wasn't sure of it. I mean, Edward was…flawless. How could someone so perfect not be aware of his own perfection? When Edward had left originally, it had hurt to hear that he didn't want me anymore, but it had also made sense. I mean, I'm only human and he's… so much more. That was what bugged me most. I kept trying to convince myself that he was telling the truth tonight - that he really did love me back then and only left because he thought it would be best for me - but it was so hard to think of Edward as fallible. How could Edward have made a mistake? He had never made one before. The thing with James wasn't really his fault, though he blamed himself anyway. Neither was the incident at my birthday party with Jasper. But this - lie to my face and leave me without regard to my feelings - that would have been all Edward. And that was the part that was most difficult to comprehend. I knew he was saying it because he thought it might keep me alive, but it hurt all the worse now that I believed him when he revealed his motives for leaving last fall.

As his eyes dominated my field of vision his words from that day echoed in the background.

_I don't want you…You're not good for me…_

It felt like that lasted for hours. There was no escape from the certainty in his voice until suddenly Edward's voice morphed. It was still beautiful, but it wasn't Edward's. It was human. My vision until I was adrift in a sea of blackness, with only the voice to keep me company.

I tried (BEEP) to earn my (BEEP) way,

I tried (BEEP) to tame this (BEEP) mind,

You better believe that I (BEEP) tried to beat this (BEEP)

When will this (BEEP) end, it (BEEP) goes on and on (BEEP)

Over, and (BEEP) over, (BEEP) and over again (BEEP)

Keep spin-(BEEP)-ning around (BEEP) I know (BEEP) it won't stop (BEEP),

'Til I (BEEP) step down (BEEP) from this (BEEP) for good (BEEP)

I woke to the blare of my alarm, mixed with the lyrics that were, again, pretty damn appropriate. I had to get off of this crazy ride Edward and I were on…for good. I listened to the song the rest of the way through then simultaneously paused the mp3 player and shut off the alarm.

As I yanked the ear buds out of my ears, my eyes were drawn to a slip of paper that was resting on my bedspread. It had Alice's handwriting on it. _The pixie and her notes._ Part of me was hesitant to even touch the thing. I mean, the last note I had read from her had good intentions, but ended up causing me almost more heartache than I could stand. Then again, could I afford to go without information? At this point, it felt like my life was barely my own. Everyone around me knew more about it than I did, and not just my clairvoyant best friend. Even the one that transformed into a giant canine from time to time seemed to be in on the travesty that was my life. Something had to be done. There had to be some way to take control again…whatever time I had left, anyway.

The first order of business was freeing myself of Edward. If I was going to die at the hands of the Volturi I could at least try to go without torturing my self with longing and misplaced optimism. Every time I looked at Edward my heart would swell with hope that maybe e would love me again, and that was dangerous. Who knew, it would probably be better for Edward too. I mean, he didn't seem to be able to stop himself from saying whatever he thought would make me want to stay alive, so maybe I could help the both of us.

I wasn't sure if I could do it—my heart was bound to him with a strength I'd not known of—but I had to _try,_ and how could I ever hope to let go of him in my heart when I had to see his gorgeous face every day at school? He may still show up at my house, but he never came in without invitation, so I was more worried about having to sit beside him in the majority of my classes. The problem was that if the sun wasn't shining, Edward was sure to be at school, and what could I do? Burn the sucker down? _I'm sure Charlie would love to find out that his only daughter had turned Recreational Arsonist_.

Okay, so taking Forks High out of the equation was a no-go. Hell, taking _Edward_ out of the equation wasn't gonna work either. It wasn't like I could tie him up in a basement somewhere to keep him from coming. Even the simplest alternative, asking him to leave school for a while, was too hard to fathom. That left one other choice: I had to do something to keep myself away. I could tell Charlie I was sick, but that was only a temporary fix. He didn't hover, but he wasn't stupid. It would only take a day or two for him to catch on that I was faking, and though he would surely sympathize when he figured out the real reason I was avoiding school, the Chief of Forks PD would not stand for his daughter giving up on school indefinitely just because of a broken heart. Even though my days were numbered, I couldn't be sure what that number was, so I would have to do something that would be a bit more permanent.

I had to get kicked out. Only how? Being an honor student, the daughter of the police chief and _me_, I had never really had occasion to think up dastardly deeds. I could call Jake for help, but I really didn't want to get him involved if I could avoid it. He had so much on his plate already, and I really didn't want to add more to it. I stared down at my hands, where the slip of paper with ominous pretense rested delicately. _Alice_. If anyone could help, she could. Hell, she probably already knew I would come to this conclusion, though I wasn't sure how. My hesitation evaporated instantaneously as I quickly unfolded the note and scanned through. It was short and to the point, as was to be expected.

Call this number. He'll be thrilled to help you. (360) 555-3663

"Sure, Alice. Why not?" I muttered as I scooted out of bed. The 'he' in Alice's note made me apprehensive, but, logically I knew she couldn't mean Edward. Alice wasn't cruel. Also, high school graduation was, surely, one of those experiences that Edward would demand I have, impending doom or no.

I padded gently down the stairs until I realized that Charlie had already left for work, so I didn't have to worry about answering any questions I didn't want to. I reached the phone and dialed. It was definitely a cell, and the ring-back tone, "Pimp Juice" by Nelly, should have given away the mystery helper's identity, but I was too nervous to pay attention.

"Hello?" a booming baritone voice questioned. I sighed in relief as my body sagged into the wall. Alice was right, of course. Had I the wherewithal to think it through, I would have ended up at the same conclusion Alice had.

"Emmett, I need your help."

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FYI: Seeing Red is up for Best Forbidden Love in the Silent Tear Awards. Here's where you vote silent-tear-awards(dot)webs(dot)com/vote(dot)htm


	17. Chapter 17

Well, lookie here! An update not even two weeks after the last?!?!?!

I know I'm surprise so I'm sure you are too. *wink*

Thanks to Kelly, for knocking this out when you have your own fic to write and a life to live.

Thank you to all who read and review! I appreciate it so much!

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"_We all have private ails. The troublemakers are they who need public cures for their private ails."_

_-Eric Hoffer_

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Chapter 17

Bella POV

"Emmett, I need your help."

"Alice told me all about it, Bella." He said, and then launched into the plan he had cooked up in the short time since he had spoken to Alice. I just soaked it all in, giving yes and no answers as required.

"Park on the far end of the school parking lot ten minutes before the bell and walk into the woods. I'll meet you there. Make sure you eat breakfast…you'll need your strength." Emmett lectured ominously, just before we hung up and though I was happy to have a plan, I still wasn't sure if I could carry it out.

I went into auto-pilot, getting ready for school and forcing a bowl of Weetabix down. Usually I loved the stuff, but I was so nervous that I could barely taste it. When I was ready, I grabbed my book bag and made my way out to the truck. The drive was a blur because my concentration was focused on the sky. The sun was dodging through the clouds in a "now you see me, now you don't" kind of way that made me think it was teasing me. I figured if Alice timed it right, she and Edward could enter the school without being exposed, but I really hoped she didn't. This would be easier to do if I didn't see Edward. I needed to be able to concentrate if I was going to pull this off.

As instructed, I timed my arrival at school so that I pulled into the parking lot exactly ten minutes before the bell and parked along in one of the spots closest to the forest's edge. My palms were damp with anxious anticipation. I had never been a rule breaker. Even after Edward… left…I had only ventured far enough outside of my comfort zone to break the promise I made to not be reckless, but I had never broken any local or federal laws. For goodness sake, I was the local police chief's daughter! That was the main factor in my current apprehension. The plan was innocent enough, but what would Charlie say? The whole point of this endeavor was to get caught so Forks High administration was sure to call him and I had no valid excuse. I mean, I could risk telling him a half-truth about my reasoning for attempting such an asinine stunt, but since Charlie avoided girlie emotions like the plague, it was probably best just to cross that bridge when I got to it.

I took a deep breath and exited my truck. No one took notice of me as I walked into the woods; everyone was too worried about not being late to class.

"Emmett?" I whispered once I was hidden from view behind the tree line.

"What took you so long?" He replied, slipping silently from behind a bulky pine to my left. His thick arms were crossed over his chest and that, coupled with his all black ensemble, including sunglasses, made him look like a colossal Tom Cruise from Mission Impossible. I could almost hear the theme song in my head.

"You told me ten minutes before the bell. I'm on time." I argued after checking my watch just to be sure.

"Relax, UD, I'm just excited. Never figured you for a rebel and since me and the fam always have to keep a low profile in public..." He rambled as he dropped his arms and began to fidget.

"UD?"

"Ugly Duckling. Not that you're ugly! Just, you know, ugly duckling…baby swan…"

"You know, I'm not sure if I should be honored that you gave me a nickname or insulted 'cause of what it is."

"Honored! Think of it like a split personality, Bella. Baby Swan is the sweet, innocent daughter of a cop. Ugly Duckling is the girl whose about to throw stink bombs all over school."

"Emmett! I told you no stink bombs! Please tell me you didn't sneak any in that bag." I pleaded as I motioned to the backpack that was slung over his right shoulder, which was identical to mine.

"Relax, I didn't put any in there – Alice said you'd say "no" – but I have a couple in my pocket…you know, just in case you change your mind…" Emmett informed me with a mischievous wiggle of his eyebrows

"No changing my mind on that, Emm. The bell's gonna ring soon, so hurry up and run through everything with me so I can get this done."

"Okay, so, I already fixed the shower heads in the girls' locker room, which was an interesting experience. Have you ever noticed the discrepancy in quality between the girls' locker room and the boys' locker room? "

I just gave Emmett a blank stare until he continued.

"Well, anyway, all you have to do is make up an excuse to get out of 1st period when there is about twenty minutes 'til the bell. Hide at the end of the hallway closest to the gym and when screaming starts, run down the hall and do your thing. That way you have maximum witnesses and minimal roadblocks. That's the goal for one prone to falling such as yourself." He explained smugly. It was clear that he could see the potential catastrophes in his head and it amused him greatly.

"Right…" I mumbled, more to myself than to Emmett, as he and I switched bags. The gravity of the situation was suddenly on my shoulders. I had never fathomed doing anything like this, and - while the anticipation was thrilling - I knew Charlie was going to kill me. I suppose Emmett noticed the apprehension in my eyes, because his grin disappeared and he became somber.

"Listen, Bella. There's no pressure, ya know? If you're sitting in class and you change your mind, it's whatever. They'll never know who did the showers if you don't take credit for it."

I nodded, but kept the backpack with the supplies. The warning bell rang just Emmett gave me a reassuring pat on the shoulder. I turned to make my way to class, my stomach in knots, when Edward's voice rang in my ears.

"You're putting your entire future at risk for a ridiculous stunt. Don't do this, Bella. You're making a bad decision."

I gasped audibly, realizing that this wasn't Edward, but merely the voice in my head when I decided to engage in risky behavior. For a moment I was immobilized. Emmett came to my side, and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You okay, Bella?" Emmett asked warily.

"No…" I growled, before realizing that Emmett would think I was responding to him. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. "I mean, yeah, Emm, I'm fine. Thanks for your help. I'll call you as soon as I can to tell you how it goes." With that, I marched ahead. Edward was only in my mind, but I refused to let him win.

The halls were nearly empty as I made my way to my first period. Each of my footfalls echoed against the corridor walls. I felt as if there were hidden cameras watching my every move…analysts in a control center somewhere who knew that my backpack was filled with contraband.

I set foot in class, just as the final bell rang. Mr. Anderson gave me the evil eye, but didn't say anything as I went to my seat. When I had walked into the classroom, the seat beside mine was empty. Sadly, it didn't matter whether he was there or not because his words continued to flood my ears.

"Bella, what will Charlie think?" Edward's voice rang in my ears and Mr. Anderson's lecture instantly became background noise. I groaned. What kind of loony masochistic was I?

"This could go on your permanent record, Isabella. All of the colleges you applied for will see it. It will be that much harder to get scholarships."

I almost replied to him out loud, but caught myself just in time.

_Who cares about my permanent record when, in all likely hood, I'll be dead before graduation?_

"What if you don't die?"

_Shut up_

"What if you get out of this? You won't be able to get out of Forks."

Maybe I don't want to get out of Forks…

He didn't reply to that—probably because we both knew that I was grasping at straws—but he was still there. It felt like he was just out of sight, watching me. I would occasionally feel the urge to glance around the room just to make sure I was still nuttier than a Baby Ruth, but mainly I kept my eyes on the clock. As soon as the clock read 8:30 a.m., I raised my hand.

"May I be excused? I don't feel so well…"

I must have looked horrible, because the teacher let me go without question. I clutched my backpack to my chest and made my way my exit. Once the classroom door was firmly closed behind me, I sprinted down the hall to the end closest to the gym. Edward's voice was waiting for me.

"Bella, this is a bad idea…"

"Edward, I don't care…I need this." I replied, then began getting ready for the chaos I was about to create.

I finished just in time.

As I finished popping the top off of the silly string can and stuffing the poppers in my pockets for easy access, I heard the first shrill scream. I smiled to myself. An added bonus to this plan was that Lauren Mallory's first period class was gym, so she was sure to be one of the lucky individuals who discovered that there was blue dye in the shower heads. Emmett wanted to use deep red, but I told him that was too horror movie-like and that blue would do the same job, minus the mental scarring.

I quickly pulled the fire alarm on the wall just beside the exit, slung my bag on my back, and took off down the hallway like a bat out of hell throwing noise makers and spraying silly string. People began to come out of the classrooms and many gawked at me as I flew past, laughing like a hyena…a couple even got silly string to the face, which only caused me to laugh harder.

The whole scenario was so liberating. It was like everything went in slow motion and I finally got to do something totally ridiculous and just for me.

My joy ended abruptly when I reached the end of the hall and ran directly into Mr. Greene. He was holding a megaphone and had a look of complete disbelief on his face. I guess I would have, too, if the roles had been reversed. I mean, no one would have suspected me of doing this, but there I was, caught silly-string handed.

"Miss Swan!" He barked once he was able to process the situation. "Go to my office immediately!" Then, he spoke into his megaphone, "Everyone, go back to class until the bell rings. The fire department will be here soon to reset the alarms."

Students began to file back into their classrooms. Mr. Greene took off in the direction of the gym, from which screams were still erupting, and I made my way to the principal's office. Ms. Cope was bustling around the office like a chicken with her head cut off going "oh dear…oh goodness…oh dear…" I felt kinda bad for her. The poor thing was flushed and the phones were ringing off the hooks. It took her a good five minutes to realize I was even in the same room.

"Bella Swan? Did you need something, dear? I'm rather busy at the moment…"

"Mr. Greene told me wait for him here." I replied. My anxiety began to come back, but there was nothing I could do about it now. The deed was done. For her part, Ms. Cope just shrugged her shoulders and continued running around the office. It took about fifteen minutes for Mr. Greene to come back. By then, Ms. Cope had been able to slow down just a bit and the fire department had arrived and reset the alarms.

"Miss Swan, my office. _Now_." Mr. Greene huffed. I followed him into his office, anxious to see if my plan had worked.

Ten minutes later, Charlie walked into Mr. Greene's office, looking just as confused as Mr. Greene had initially. I was sent back out to sit in the main office so that they could talk in private. I twiddled my thumbs and briefly contemplated asking Ms. Cope if I could use the phone so I could call Emmett and tell him what had happened. But I had told Mr. Greene that I'd had no accomplices— which took some convincing because he had a hard time believing I was the criminal master mind—and I wouldn't budge.

When Charlie emerged, he merely looked at me and jerked his head toward the door. He only spoke to tell me that I was riding with him, and demand the keys to my truck so that one of the deputies could drive it home for us. I did as he asked and got in the cruiser without complaint.

The silence made my ears hurt. Normally, Charlie and I exist best in silence, but now that I was beginning what Charlie must see as my first foray into a life of crime, it was foreboding.

"I'm not a juvenile delinquent, Dad." I said, when I couldn't take the dense, still air that surrounded us anymore.

"Oh, I know. You're eighteen, so technically you're no longer a juvenile. Do you realize, if Mr. Banner hadn't had mercy on you, I would have had to arrest you?"

I was silent, because that thought actually _hadn't_ occurred to me. I fished around for a reply, but all I could come up with was a very weak 'I'm sorry'. That was actually a lie, because I wasn't sorry in the least about committing the act, I was just sorry Charlie was so upset about it. Well, that, and I wished I had seen Lauren after her shower. That would have been priceless.

"You have no idea how lucky you are that he only suspended you for the next five days and is making you pay for the fees incurred from summoning the police and fire department when you pulled the fire alarm, which is coming out of your paycheck from Newton's, by the way. He could have put this little incident on your permanent record. I just don't understand, Bella. Please explain to me why you felt all that was necessary." I couldn't remember the last time Charlie had spoken so many words to me, let alone if he'd ever been this upset.

"I just needed to live a little. I guess maybe I went too far. For that, I plead temporary insanity." I reasoned light heartedly, trying to curb his displeasure with humor. It worked to a degree. When he spoke again, disappointment was the main decipherable emotion.

"Bella," Charlie sighed, "I know you're going through a lot right now, even if we don't always talk about it. Greene says you're acting out…it's late in the semester, but I would understand if Forks isn't good for you right now. If you want to move back in with your mother—"

"No! I mean… I'm only suspended and it's not going on my record, and I want to graduate with the rest of my class."

"Bella, you don't hang out with any of your friends except Alice Cullen, now that she's back from L.A.… and I'm honestly not sure that's such a great idea."

"What do you mean Charlie? I thought you loved Alice."

"I do, but if being close to her means you have to deal with her brother, then maybe you would be better off not opening that can of worms at all."

"The can is already open. She's one of my best friends, Dad, and I'm not going to _stop_ being friends with her just because of Edward. That's not fair to her, or me." I wasn't sure where the fire in my voice was coming from, but the thought of cutting Alice out of my life was ludicrous.

Charlie harrumphed, but didn't comment further. I could tell he wanted to say and do the right thing, but was completely lost. He probably wished he had a manual at this point…or maybe chains so he could keep me locked up in my room 'til I started making sense again.

Once we got home, I threw my stuff by the door and started making lunch/dinner. It was only ten in the morning, but I needed something that I could do on autopilot. The meatloaf and mashed potatoes were done about an hour later and Charlie and I were once again sitting in silence, only in the kitchen this time, instead of the cruiser. I didn't eat much, since I had eaten breakfast just a few hours before, but nibbled and pushed my food around my plate. I could tell from the way he was fidgeting that he had something else he wanted to say, so I just sat quietly and waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Oh, and just in case you haven't figured this out already, you're grounded." Charlie said after he put his plate in the sink.

I just nodded, not bothering to ask how long he was planning to keep me under house arrest, and Charlie went to the living room and made himself comfortable on the couch to watch SportsCenter. Apparently, he had taken the rest of the day off. I did the dishes, and then made my way to my room. I closed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed, willing myself to sleep.

***

I woke up that evening to a light tap on my window pane. I looked up cautiously to find Alice, perched on a branch and peering in at me like an owl. I moved to the window quickly and let her in.

"Alice, I'm grounded, so you really shouldn't be here." I whispered sarcastically.

"Duh, Bella. Psychic, remember?" she responded, matching my sarcasm pound for pound. "Your dad wasn't going to let me in if I had knocked on the front door, and I suppose I would have respected that if the circumstances had been different, but it is what it is, and I can only work with what I'm given, and we're running out of time—"

"Alice! What is it that you need? What's going on?" I could tell that she was agitated which sparked a slight panic in me.

Alice took a deep breath.

"We're having a meeting tonight, Bella. We're trying to plan ahead. The Volturi will be here soon and we need to consider all of our options."

"What options, Alice? I thought we were done for."

"Well, that's the thing. Some friends of my family have come to help us try to figure out some way to avoid my vision. I thought it was only fair, if you came…your life is on the line, too."

"I can't, I'm grounded…" I said, but quickly amended myself after thinking about it. Honestly, what would being grounded matter, if Charlie doesn't even realize I'm gone—which he wouldn't, or Alice wouldn't have suggested this in the first place.

"Fine, Alice. I'll come, but how do I get out without Charlie noticing?" I asked, more out of curiosity than lack of faith in Alice.

"I'll carry you out the window, of course."

_Of course…_

"Alice, I'm a little big for you…" I said, eyeing her small frame hesitantly.

Alice cocked her head to the side.

"Vampire, remember?"

"Right," I replied shaking my head.

"Goodness, Bella, you're awfully forgetful today." Alice tsked as she turned and opened my window a little wider, then gestured for me to get on her back. I did, and though she carried me like I weighed nothing more than a feather, I still felt like I was burdening her. Alice climbed out of the window and grabbed onto the closest branch of the tree in front of us. I made the mistake of looking down as we exited the window and Alice noticed.

"You might wanna close your eyes…and stop that! You're going to start hyperventilating! Bella, you know I would never do anything that would hurt you, right?"

"Yeah, I know." I responded without hesitation, and tried to calm my erratic breathing, which was hard since I was hanging from a fairly thin tree branch.

"Good, because right now you're acting as if you have no faith in me. To be honest, it kinda hurts my feelings."

I chuckled, then closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The _whoosh_ when Alice let go of the tree branch was a little scary, but the whole thing just reminded me of the freefall ride at the amusement park…better actually, cause Alice cushioned her landing very well.

"This will take less time if you just stay on my back." She said as she took off for the woods.

I nodded into her stony shoulder. I kept my eyes closed, to guard against motion sickness, but I think Alice decided to have mercy on me because she didn't run nearly as quickly as Edward had. Still, despite her disinterest in breaking the sound barrier, we came to a stop in no time at all. I opened my left eye hesitantly.

"We're here!" Alice announced with a giggle and then set me down. I looked around and realized that Alice and I were in the field where her family played baseball…where we all met James' coven for the first time…where all this craziness had started. All of the Cullens were present, forming a tight semi-circle around Alice and me, except for Edward, which was nice since I'd had enough of him this morning.

_You could never see enough of him. He's too beautiful to tire of looking at._

_Shut up! That's not helping!_

"Geez, took you long enough! So how'd it go?" Emmett questioned as he grabbed me into a hug.

"Well, I'm not in jail, so that's a plus." I replied, as I returned his hug, and then gave him a quick play by play of the day's events.

"Wow, Edward's girlfriend is a criminal? Didn't see that coming…" a beautiful voice that I didn't recognize said from directly behind me.

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Okay, that isn't really a cliffie 'cause you know who should be there...right???


	18. Chapter 18

Guys, it seriously pains me to post this chapter, so please be gentle. Again, I apologize for the delay...I just hate this. ARGH!

Thanks to everyone...I can't type anymore...enjoy (if that's even possible) *tear*

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"It was not frightening to die _sometime_, it was frightening to die right now."

-A. Solzhenitsyn

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Chapter 18

Bella POV

"Wow, Edward's girlfriend is a criminal? Didn't see that coming…" a beautiful voice said from directly behind me. I didn't recognize it, but I knew it was a vampire. A female vampire.

I whirled to find five additions to our group, four females and one male, and they completed the circle around me. They were all beautiful, of course, and to my great comfort, they all had topaz-hued eyes.

"Bella, these are really close friends of our family from Denali, Alaska." Carlisle informed me, "This is Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen and Eleazar. They came to support us, and help if they can." He gestured quickly to each of the newcomers as he spoke their names. Eleazar stared at me with his head cocked to the side, seemingly lost in thought.

Tanya was the one who had spoken. I recognized her melodic voice when she said "hello" after Carlisle's brief introduction.

"I'm not his girlfriend…" I mumbled, looking at anything but her.

"Oh really? There's another human girl that knows our secret?" Kate inquired, chuckling. She seemed to mean it good naturedly so I just shrugged and tried to return her smile.

It didn't exactly work, but the effort was made.

"This just gets better and better." Irina mumbled. I wondered what she meant, but it didn't take long to figure out.

Jacob, Sam, Jared and Embry entered the clearing just then. They all looked wary, but came close enough to speak without hollering across the field.

Jake's eyes lit up for a second when our eyes met, but I could tell he was worried about me being in the center of a circle of vampires, especially since he didn't know half of them. I grinned, making my way out of the circle and to Jake.

"Jacob! You wouldn't believe what I did today!" I whispered, for a moment forgetting my surroundings. Jake was the only other person I had wanted to share my adventures with and the sight of him made me giddy.

"Yeah, I would. Charlie called my dad and told him all about it."

"Oh yeah? What did he… Wait a minute, what are you doing here?"

"We were invited." Sam replied before Jacob could get the words out. Which was a good thing, actually, because it reminded me that I was the only one in the vicinity that didn't have super natural hearing and therefore everyone around could hear my conversation with Jacob. I felt myself blush in embarrassment, though I wasn't completely sure why, and turned to face the rest of the group. The wolves joined the circle and I ended up standing with Jake on one side and Alice on the other. Each grabbed one of my hands, and I was instantly grateful that both of my best friends were present.

"Welcome, and thank you for coming." Carlisle said as he approached Sam, extending his hand to shake. It seemed that Sam was on guard, not that I would blame him with so many vampires in his mist. The only wolf who wasn't as shifty as Sam was Jake, and even he seemed tense. Sam shook Carlisle's hand stiffly and a low hiss rang from behind Carlisle. We all turned to see Irina sneering.

"These are the ones, aren't they?" She asked. I could tell she was trying to contain herself. Tanya and Kate each put a hand on Irina in a sympathetic gesture. My gaze floated over Jasper's face and I could tell that Irina's emotions were particularly strong because he looked as if he were in more pain that usual.

"We told you what happened, Irina. We consider you part of the family and welcome your presence, but if you can not contain yourself, then you will have to leave. We regret your loss, but these men protected Bella when our family could not and, therefore, we are in their debt." Carlisle said calmly.

There was silence as everyone waited for Irina's decision. I wasn't really sure why she was upset, but if I understood the context clues laid out so far it seemed like she was upset that the wolves had saved my life. I couldn't really say I wasn't grateful that they had, but she did seem really upset and I couldn't help but feel sympathy for her pain even if I didn't quite understand the cause. What could she have possibly lost? My face must have betrayed my confusion because Alice gently squeezed my hand and whispered, "I'll tell you later." Irina still appeared agitated, but said nothing else. A moment later, Jasper's face relaxed a bit and Carlisle continued.

"Let's get down to business."

"Isn't one of you missing?" Sam questioned warily.

"He's not coming." Alice replied, melancholy prevalent in her tone. It looked like Sam wanted to ask more questions, but then he just nodded his head and returned his gaze to Carlisle, who motioned behind him. Eleazar joined Carlisle in the center of the circle. The wolves adjusted their positions slightly, almost as if to prepare for an attack, but Eleazar didn't even look at them…he only had eyes for me. I felt like something in a Petri dish.

"Several members of our law-keeping force, known as the Volturi, are on their way to Forks. They are coming to punish my son, Edward, for breaking our laws and, more than likely, they will see Bella as a threat. My friend, Eleazar, is a former member of the Volturi guard and since he has been in contact with them more recently than I have, I thought it prudent to seek his advice."

"Carlisle, there is hope." Eleazar said quietly, still staring at me. I started to get a little uncomfortable under his scrutiny and shifted my weight from one foot to another. Jake felt my tension and shifted so that I was partially blocked from Eleazar's gaze.

"Fear not, Wolf. I mean the girl no harm. I am merely intrigued….it seems that she has the potential to be a particularly strong shield and that will interest Aro greatly."

"Shield?" I asked, leaning to the side so I could see around Jacob's massive frame.

"Eleazar is gifted, Bella, much like Alice and Edward." Carlisle explained. "He is able to sense the abilities that others of our kind have. In your case, the potential ability a human might have if turned into one of our kind. A shield is a rare ability, indeed, but it makes sense now that I think about it. Edward has never been able to hear Bella's thoughts."

"Privacy of the mind around Edward Cullen? Well, that must be nice…" Tanya mused to herself.

"If she's a shield, what does that mean to this Aro guy? Why exactly is there hope?" Jake questioned.

"With a gift as potent as Bella's, even before she's turned, it is likely that Aro will try to recruit her into the ranks of his guard."

"As in 'Be all that you can be, in the Bloodsucker Army'?" Embry inquired. Rose, Tanya, Irina, and Kate gave him glares radiating disapproval, but Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Esme just chuckled.

"Yes, something like that." Carlisle smirked.

"Let me get this straight. You're saying the 'hope' in this situation is that Bella might be turned into a vampire 'cause some guy from across the sea might want her in his army?" Jared interjected.

"Yes, that's correct." Carlisle replied.

"I thought this was a strategy meeting! The 'strategy' is hoping Bella turns into a blood sucking Super Soldier? Is there no other way?" Jake said, his frustration clear.

"What would you suggest?" Carlisle questioned, cocking his head to the side in genuine interest.

"We fight for her." Jake stated with eerie calm, straightening his posture a bit to exude authority. To my surprise the other wolves nodded in agreement.

"No!" I gasped, releasing both Alice's and Jacob's hands in shock. I knew Jasper had to be trying to control the emotions that were flying around, but I still couldn't understand how the wolves could be so calm about it.

"If they see you as a threat, they'll kill you. If they think you could be useful, they'll turn you into one of them. Either way, your heart stops beating and I'm not cool with that."

"No fighting, Jake."

"Well, what the hell do you expect me to do, Bella? Let you die? Watch them take your life?"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Fighting is a bad idea." Alice interjected firmly. "There are many more Volturi than just the ones coming. Even if we're lucky enough to win the first battle, we would not win the war."

"What if we take her from here? These vampires, they'll search for Bella in Forks, right? If they don't find her there, then what?"

"Then they'll send their trackers after her and if that fails, they'll come after my family." Carlisle answered.

"NO!" It took a moment for me to realize that the shout had erupted from my own throat.

"What if your family left also?" Sam interjected.

"They would send their trackers after me. I was with the Volturi for years. Their head tracker, Demitri, knows my scent and will find me in no time at all—"

"—and we're not splitting up the family." Esme continued, walking forward to hold Carlisle's hand.

"This is getting out of hand! There will be no fighting and there will be no running. I refuse for someone else to pay for my mistakes."

"Bella, this isn't your fault! They told you what they were. You asked questions, but you didn't twist arms!" Jake practically growled as he put his hands on my shoulders to emphasis his point, "Let me help you!"

"You can't, Jake…not this time. Even if we evaded the trackers, there would be others carrying what is my burden to bear. Besides, your priority is La Push and Forks, remember?"

Jake shook his head in disbelief as he tried to formulate a reply. Alice broke the silence.

"It's her life, and it's her choice. We don't like it either, but we're all stuck in this mess! We're doing everything we can to keep her alive for as long as—" Alice suddenly fell silent, her gaze focused on something the rest of us could not see. "Oh no….." She moaned, falling to her knees.

"Alice?!" Esme cried as she and Jasper rushed to Alice's side.

"I was wrong… so very wrong…" Alice muttered, her eyes lacking focus. Nothing Esme or Jasper did seemed to break her from whatever was going on in her head and she was freaking me out. Jasper and Esme moved to Alice's sides as I approached. I got down on my knees so that Alice and I were eye to eye then placed my hands on her cheeks. They seemed colder than usual and I wondered to myself if that was even possible when I felt Jacob shift behind me. I stayed where I was, but turned to face Jake. All of the wolves seemed tense, but Jacob seemed especially nervous at my current position. The others had backed away from Alice, only Jake still stood within a five-foot radius.

"I'm fine, Jacob." I assured him. He grunted, but placed a warm palm on my shoulder. I shook my head and returned my focus to Alice. "Alice, talk to me. What's wrong? Tell me what you see."

"I'm so sorry. I thought we'd have more time…" Alice mumbled, looking in my direction, but not seeing me at all. I was confused to say the least. Alice had told me that she couldn't see the future when Jake was around and now practically the entire pack was present_. ...must be a really strong vision…_

"What do you mean? How much time do we have, Alice?"

"They're coming, Bella." She said, and I know that she saw me now, though I wasn't sure if that was better or worse, "They'll be here tomorrow. They're going to board a plane that will land at SEA-TAC in about twelve hours."

A small gasp escaped me and my hands dropped to my sides. Alice began to sob and her words were incoherent after that, but that was all that needed to be said.

Jasper picked Alice up and rocked her in his arms. I wanted to move, but couldn't. I had been aware that my life was in danger, but the danger had always seemed far off, never close enough to touch.

Now it was imminent. One way or another I had less than twenty four hours to live. Icicles formed in my veins, the cold spidering out into my muscles and flesh.

"Tomorrow?! What the fuck are we gonna do now?" Jared exclaimed, surely expressing the frustration of the entire group.

"I invited you here so that you would be aware of all aspects of the situation and you could have a better idea of how to protect Forks and the reservation. That has been done. I had hoped that we could devise of some way to protect Bella as well, but… it seems we've run out of time." Carlisle said. I could tell he was trying to remain business like, but it was a struggle.

"Where will this go down?" Sam questioned.

"Here. We'll come here to wait as soon as Alice confirms that they have landed in Seattle. It will be less likely for the Volturi to venture into town that way." Carlisle answered.

"Call us when they do. I'll be sending members of my pack to watch the proceedings. We'll make sure they don't try to feed on any unsuspecting hikers, but… we won't interfere."

There was a growl behind me. It thawed me enough to pull me from my stupor. I turned to find Jacob glaring at Sam.

No one said anything for a moment, but the tension was thick. Sam finally turned to meet Jake's glare.

"It's decided, Jacob. Don't make this harder than it already is." Sam muttered.

"There's one more thing." Carlisle interjected.

"What else could you possibly want?" Jake asked, his tone somewhere between anger and defeat.

"If it comes down to it… we would like your word that what happens to Bella won't break the treaty between us. This situation is bad enough without adding the possibility of all out war to it."

"You have my word as Alpha. Bella's fate will not affect our treaty, but after this plays out, you and your family need to go. It seems that the danger to the people of the Olympic Peninsula multiplies exponentially with you guys here and I don't want these Volturi to have any reason to return to the area." Sam said, though his gaze remained on Jacob.

"We understand. Thank you." Carlisle replied.

"I'm taking you home, Bells." Jake said, his frustration plain.

"She could stay with us. It would be best for her to be here when they arrive also. They will search for her if she isn't present." Esme interjected quietly. I could tell this situation was eating her up inside.

"I'll be here." I replied, my voice barely above a whisper as I took Jake's hand, "I just need to say goodbye…"

"We understand, Bella… We'll send someone for you when it's time. It would be best if you didn't smell like wolf when you arrive. It could make the Volturi inquisitive." Carlisle responded, holding Esme at his side as he attempted to comfort her.

"Let's go, Jake." I mumbled and was promptly hoisted into Jacob's warm arms. Sam, Embry and Jared surrounded us as were made out way quickly to the trees, then several wolves joined their circle. I kept trying to count the new additions, but I would lose track with all of the swiftly moving bodies weaving between the trees. Jacob traveled quickly and the ride was smooth, but once we were reasonably close to my house, I asked him to set me down so I could walk the rest of the way. The farther away we got from Jasper, the more anxious I became. The other wolves gave us a wide berth. So wide in fact, that after awhile, I couldn't even see them anymore.

Jake and I arrived at my house, but I wasn't ready to go in. I began to really feel the panic set in as I stared up at Charlie's window. I had been entertaining an idea in the back of my mind since we left the field. I didn't know if it was out of desperation, or something deeper, and the emotions confused me. I was again glad that no one could read my thoughts as I took a seat on my back porch, gently tugging on Jake's hand until he joined me.

"Bella, there has to be a way out of this." He said after a moment of contemplation. "I can't just stand by and watch while they take your life."

As usual, it appeared that Jake and I were thinking about the same thing. I wondered briefly if he was contemplating the same solution I was. _Probably not_…I took a deep breath and started talking before I could lose my nerve. "Jake, what would you do to save me?"

"Anything, Bells. I'm your servant for life, remember?" He replied. I was pretty sure that I was the one who had traded my eternal servitude for a box of conversation hearts, but that wasn't really the point. I abruptly became aware of how much I asked of Jacob Black. It seemed like ever since I had brought the bikes to him, I had been taking more and more from him. He gave it freely, but that didn't stop me from feeling like a class-A fool for asking in the first place…and yet, even my self-loathing wasn't enough to stop the next words from tumbling out of my mouth.

"Kiss me, Jacob."

"I'm sorry, what?" Jacob said, blinking. To say he was surprised by my request would have been a gross understatement, so I hurriedly offered my explanation.

"It would fix everything, Jake. Don't you see? If I can just get Edward out of my system—If I could stop loving him—everything else would fall into place. The Volturi wouldn't have to punish anyone because I would have found out about Edward and his family anyway through you and the pack."

"Bella, I wouldn't have been able to tell you unless I had imprinted on you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I wasn't an imprintee when you climbed into my bedroom and spilled the beans a few months ago. Besides, the Volturi won't know all the technicalities." Jacob stared at me for another moment before he spoke.

"Are you sure about this?" he questioned, putting a bit more space between our bodies so that he could look in my eyes. The truth was that I wasn't sure of much at this point, but this was my last hope: a drastic, last ditch effort to save, not just myself, but everyone.

"Please?" I answered, desperation seeping into my tone. Jacob took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he considered it.

"Kiss me, Bella." He whispered shakily.

And I did.

When our lips met at first, I was paralyzed. I had never kissed anyone outside of my family except Edward and the heat that erupted from Jacob's lips was shocking. Jake took notice of my stillness and placed his hands on my shoulders, shaking me gently. "Come on, Bells…" he spoke against my lips. The pain was clear in his voice and I burned, my abhorrence for my own actions reaching a new high.

_I owe it to him to try...to myself…to Charlie…to everyone_, I thought angrily and forced myself to fall into the kiss and allow the heat of Jake's mouth to consume me.

A future flashed behind my closed eyelids. Two beautiful black haired children playing…Jake at my side. Not ahead of me, trying to anticipate my next move so he could be my protector, or behind me like a lap dog waiting to do my bidding. Just next to me, living life as my companion.

It was beautiful…but in my heart I knew it could never be perfect, not for me. Edward had always claimed to be a masochist, but I now realized I was, too. I had to be, with the way my mind was working. I could have Jake—which would be the sanest choice of the two—an equal in all things and probably live a life as close to "normal" as possible. But "normal" just wasn't enough after Edward. And though I knew I was a monster, I couldn't let my best friend live a life in love with someone who didn't return that affection with the same fire. I could feel the hope building in Jake as our kiss ended and it killed me just that much more to know what I was doing to him… how I would break him so completely.

When our lips separated, I threw my arms around his neck and sobbed.

* * *

Bella's song for this chapter is "This Abyss" by Armor for Sleep...yeah...I'm gonna go cry now.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, so anything recognizable is SM's.

Hi, there! It's been awhile, I know. Sorry, guys, I was thinking too hard about this and then I got sidetracked with this other story I'm working on called The Girlfriend Experience.

Only a few more chapters until Seeing Red is over, I hope you all keep enjoying it and thanks for sticking with me through the crazy!

Hua Ming Miao this one's for you...

* * *

I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.

~Missy Altijd

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Chapter 19

Jacob POV

Anything.

Such a painful word that encompassed the good, the bad, the ugly and the completely shit-tastic.

When she kissed me back, I had it all planned out in my head. Screw the bloodsuckers, we were gonna run. By the time they arrived, Bella and I would be halfway to Mexico. I'd grab all the money I'd made from fixing shit around the rez and Bella and I would be outta there. Gone. Together. I was so lost in the possibilities of running with Bella that I was completely caught off guard when she ended the kiss and started crying.

Broken. That was the only way to describe it. My hopes were instantly shattered. She knew what I was offering and she wasn't even gonna think twice about it. She would rather be in a jar on that bloodsucker's shelf or in the ground than with me. The worst part was that I had honestly hoped that she had turned a corner, that she had stopped pining after that bastard…that I would be _enough_.

Damn, it hurt to be wrong, but it was much worse to see tears in her eyes. I had to stop the tears, even if it tore me apart.

"You and me, Bells, we're like the sun and a planet. We're drawn together with a gravitational pull. Edward…it's like he's knocked you out of orbit. The path you should be on – the path to me – it's like it disappeared. I still circle around you, but you've gone rogue."

"Funny, I didn't realize you were so into astronomy." Bella joked weakly, but I knew that the analogy of a lost planet was probably pretty accurate. When Edward had left, it had taken months to find her way back to some sort of sanity, a pattern in which her life made some sense, and I was a big part of that, if not the biggest part. Now that Edward was back, she was spinning out of control again.

"Jacob, you are one of the strongest people I know, but even you can't fight this off. Edward is it for me…even if I have to die for it."

"I won't let you die, Bella, even if you've completely lost your mind…I wish he had never come back. None of this would be happening if they'd all stayed the hell away from Forks."

"No, it seems that I'm a magnet for danger…and mythical beings. Even if Edward had never come into my life, and you weren't a wolf half the time, I'd probably have run into a leprechaun… or a witch…"

"…or a centaur…" I mumbled half-heartedly. I squeezed her to me, trying to hide just how much this situation hurt me, which I knew was written all over my face. It wasn't just Bella not choosing me; it was everything…the entirety of the bullshit that had been dumped into my formerly happy existence.

"…or Medusa…" Bella mumbled into my chest. I probably would have laughed if I wasn't already wrestling with the overwhelming urge to cry.

"I don't want to die," she continued softly, "but I would rather that than live a life with you where you don't receive all the love you deserve. I know you told me to let you worry about your own heart, but Jake…your heart is tied to mine. I can't allow it to break and not be breaking a part of my own."

"I can't watch you die…I just can't." I said, as I released her and took a step back. I wasn't angry so there really wasn't any danger that I would hurt her, but I was so _sad_. I just needed a moment of space.

"I have to admit, Jake. I would feel a little better if you were there in the woods watching…but I get it if you can't. Should I say goodbye now, then?" Bella asked, trying to make eye contact with me, but I avoided her gaze.

"I don't want a goodbye, Bella…I never want a goodbye from you."

"We don't have much choice anymore now do we? It's now or never…" She said as she took a timid step toward me, "I know I'm being selfish, but don't deny me this last goodbye, Jake…please…" she whispered. I wrapped her small body in my arms and she melted into me, sobs racking her body yet again.

"You were the best friend I could ever ask for, Jacob, and I hope you get everything you deserve in life. Only good, wonderful things…"

"I'll never be okay after this." I told her, no longer able to hold the pain back.

"I know. I'm sorry, Jake…I'm so sorry…"

"Please don't cry, Bella…Please…" I murmured into her hair.

We stood there for a moment in silence. The wind began to blow and I was just about to crack a joke about how handy I was when I smelled it.

"Goddamnit! Can I get a minute with you without some leech or another coming along?" I said, before I could stop myself. I looked down at Bella, and I just _knew_ I would regret my words.

"Can you tell who it is?"

"Yeah…it's the fucking Grim Reaper." I muttered under my breath.

"What?"

"It's Edward, Bella. Scent's fading though… guess he didn't feel like sticking around, but what's new?"

"Jake… can you go get him please?"

"_What?_"

"If I don't die, then I need to make sure that it's okay if I live with him and his family…"

"Bella, I—"

"Bells?" Charlie's voice called from behind us.

"Out here, Dad."

"What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

"Just talking to Jake..."

"Well, get in the house. It's cold out and it's about time you went to bed for the night. You can see him in the morning."

"I thought I was grounded."

"You are, but I think Jake is good for you." He said, throwing a wink my way. I could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, but I couldn't muster more than a grimace in response.

She giggled half heartedly, but it came out like some sort of hiccup or cough, probably because she had been crying so much. "Alright, Dad, I'm coming." Then she turned to me and whispered, "Just have him come to my room…please?"

I couldn't say no. This was probably the last time I'd see her alive and that meant that this was like some sort of deathbed request. The current situation just made it ten million times harder to turn her down.

"Yeah, whatever…" I mumbled, then quickly turned and sprinted into the woods. I didn't phase, though I was really tempted to. I held it together 'cause I just wasn't ready for the rest of the pack to know about…everything. Plus, when I was in wolf form, I was primarily guided by my animal instincts, which would mean Edward's death about 5.5 seconds after I found him.

He wasn't hard to find. I'm sure he heard my thoughts as I thought that he should slow his happy ass down before I changed my fucking mind and tore him to pieces, but I didn't care.

About a mile from Bella's house, I found him standing still as a statue beside a tree.

"I didn't mean to intrude on your talk with Bella. I was informed of the turn of events and just needed to check on her…"

"I don't give a fuck." I growled, "The _only_ reason I'm here is because Bella wants to speak to you."

"Thank you for coming to tell me. I can hear how much it hurts you."

"You're killing my very best friend—and the girl I happen to be in love with—in the morning. Forgive me if I can't find it within me to accept your sympathy."

"I know. This is entirely my fault. But I never meant for things to turn out this way…"

"That's the part that kills me. You can leave her and lie to her and endanger her life and she's _still_ yours! And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. 'Cause trust me, if there was, I would do it in a heartbeat!"

"As would I."

I shook my head in disgust. "Go to her, you bastard. After tomorrow, no matter what happens, I never want to see you again. If I do, I can't be held responsible for my actions."

"You won't." He replied, and then ran past me without another word, back toward Bella's house. For a moment, I was wondered if his reply meant that I would never see him again after tomorrow or that if we ever crossed paths, he really wouldn't hold me responsible for what I did to him. Then I realized I didn't care either way.

I stood there for a few minutes, trying to relax as much as possible before I went back to the rez. Now that anger had bubbled to the surface, I didn't want to risk hurting someone there. It took about an hour before I felt the anger dissipate to a manageable level. I really wanted to go to Bella's house, even to just sit outside and make sure she was okay, but I knew that the leech was there and that would just make me angry all over again. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep, but headed home anyway. I had nowhere else to go.

***

Bella POV

"Dad?" I called, causing him to pause at the base of the steps.

"Yeah, Bells?"

"I love you." I murmured, quickly grasping him in an impromptu hug.

"I love you too, Bella. Is everything okay?" He asked, his chuckle of discomfort becoming gruff with concern. I released him, ending the rare display of affection as spontaneously as I had started it, and told him the first lie I could think of.

"Yeah…I just…I was watching this movie on Lifetime last night and it just made me want to make sure that you knew how much I loved you and how glad I am that I came to live with you last year." It was weak, but I couldn't just stand there…and I couldn't die without letting him know how much it meant to me to be in Forks with him…even if it was what led to the numbering of my days.

"I'm glad, too, Bells….I'm glad, too. Maybe you should stay away from the Lifetime channel for a while, though. It used to get your mother all riled up too."

"Yeah, maybe I will." I replied with a half hearted smile as I stared at my father's face, trying my best to memorize the creases at the corners of his eyes.

"Well, I have to go on to bed now. I'm working the early shift tomorrow, so I'll catch you afterward, alright? And don't you worry about dinner. I can handle that. How's pizza sound?"

"Sounds great, Dad… Thanks." I replied, my voice just above a whisper. He turned from me then and I followed him up the stairs. I stood in the doorway of my room and watched him enter his own and close the door behind him. I was unable to fight the tears, but at least I was able to do it quietly. After Charlie's door was firmly closed, I wandered into my room to decide my next order of business.

I couldn't call Renee. For one, it was too early in the morning in Florida. For two, Renee was entirely too perceptive. She'd be able to tell that something was wrong with me and, unlike Charlie, she'd pull it out of me. The only problem was I couldn't _not_ say goodbye. She had raised me, and even if our relationship wasn't the norm, I loved her. I decided that my best bet was to send her an email, even though I had no idea what to write. I turned on my computer and let it boot up while I formulated a goodbye to my mother. By the time the email screen was up, I had a rough idea of what I wanted to say, so I let my fingers peck at the keyboard on autopilot.

**Hey Mom,**

**I know Charlie probably already called you about the stuff at school today. I'm sorry if I disappointed you. I want you to know that I will never do anything like it again, even if I live forever. Also, I love you. You're a pretty great mom and you've always been there for me. Thanks for that. I appreciate it more than you know. I'm probably going to spend the day with Jacob tomorrow, so I'll talk to you later maybe?**

**Love,**

**Bella**

Tears began to stream down my face as I pressed send, then quickly shut my computer down. I refused to over think it. I was never going to fall asleep at this rate. My mind kept bringing up the faces of all the people that I would be leaving behind. I was glad I'd had time to communicate with my parents one last time, but it also twisted the knife a little. My thoughts seemed to be chasing one another in figure eight patterns. I would think of Jake and my chest ached. In an attempt to escape the pain, I would quickly attempt to change focus, but the next thought was always of either Charlie or Renee, which did nothing to lessen the throbbing. I began to hear Romeo in my head. _Eyes look your last…arms take your last embrace…_

I tried to shake myself free of Romeo's melancholy filled words and made my way to the kitchen. I made a huge mug of hot chocolate with milk and frozen Cool Whip on top. It had always been able to relax me. Renee had made it many a night when I was a child. It was her not so secret weapon for getting me to sleep. It was delicious, but for the first time, it couldn't melt my ill content.

I finished and washed the mug, then took a deep breath and made my way up the stairs again. I tried my best to memorize the feel of the wooden banister under my fingertips and the sound of the steps as they bore my weight.

I opened my door and was only slightly surprised to find Edward in my rocking chair. I closed the bedroom door behind me and leaned against it, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to summon my strength.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Edward," I began, pushing off my door and making my way to my bed with my eyes on the floor. "I know you probably want to be with your family right now, but I had to make sure…if they change me tomorrow, instead of…If I survive tomorrow and become one of you, would it be okay if I spent some time with your family? I'll stay out of your way and leave when I can take care of myself, I promise. I just don't think I could handle complete solitude right after…everything. I won't be able to come back home and…I just…please?"

I sat on the bed and held my breath as I waited for his response. I had a feeling he would say yes out of some misguided sense of duty, but I couldn't be sure.

"Yes, you can stay with us. We wouldn't let you go through this alone."

"Okay…thanks." And I suddenly felt empty. Silence settled in the space between us and my mind wandered to Jacob. My mind's eye recalled the devastation in his eyes when I sent him in search of Edward and the ache in my chest flared. I leaned over onto the bed and curled into a ball.

"When he came to get you –Jacob, I mean- could you read his mind?" I whispered.

"Yes." Edward's voice was cautious and for the first time since I walked into the room, I couldn't help but look at him.

"Does he hate me?"

Edward's face fell and I knew the answer. I held up my hand and spoke before he could.

"Wait, don't answer that. I know he does. I shattered him like you shattered me –maybe worse. I deserve his hatred."

I could tell immediately that Edward wanted to say something, but was warring with himself to keep it in. I hid my head under my pillow, but it did not block his voice when he finally spoke a moment later.

"Do you hate me, Bella?"

I refused to answer. I didn't hate him. I hated myself, and I hated the situation, but I could never hate Edward Cullen.

"He doesn't hate you, Bella. He loves you so much that there is no room for any other emotion…not for you anyway. He despises me –and rightly so. I've brought disaster on our heads and damned the woman he loves to death. If our positions were reversed, I can't say that I would be as selfless as he. I might have killed him by now or run away with you. He is worthy of your heart in a way that I will never be."

"He offered, you know…to run with me." I whispered into my sheets.

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"I…he deserved better. Besides, I couldn't leave your family to deal with the mess we made."

The stillness that followed made me anxious. I thought that maybe he had left, but was too nervous to check.

"Could you speak please? I can't take the silence..." I mumbled, turning my face to the down of my pillow, but keeping the feather barrier between us.

"What would you like me to talk about?"

"…anything but tomorrow." Again, silence as he contemplated his response.

"How about I read to you?"

"Fine…thank you." I mumbled as I rolled over, praying that he wouldn't read anything I was familiar with. I didn't want to be reminded of another thing I would lose tomorrow and if he choose one of my favorite books, then I wouldn't be able to ignore the fact that I would may never hear the classics I've loved for years ever again.

I heard him shuffle around then felt the bed dip as he sat beside me.

"Okay."

I turned my face away and was both relieved and saddened that his scent was obstructed by my pillow. Instead of Edward, all I could smell was my strawberry shampoo as he began reading.

"And the priestess spoke again and said:  
'Speak to us of Reason and Passion.'  
And he answered saying:  
Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.  
Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody.  
But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?  
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.  
If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas…"

* * *

So that's chapter 19. Again, I hope you liked it. See you next time.

P.S. The playlist should be updated in the next few days.


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